Katrina

First of all, let me just say my thoughts are with everyone who has been affected by the hurricane down in New Orleans. It is a very sad state of affairs down there.

Secondly, I really have nothing to say other than Sirius radio is the best friggin thing next to my iPod.

Okay, so it takes me an HOUR to get to where I am working now, and what is there to do? Listen to music of course. I don't have it together enough to get some CDs from downstairs to listen to, so every morning I just scan Sirius and find what i like. If you are in the St. Louis area and you see some crazy lady belting out "Tiny Dancer" in her car to a packed stadium of ONE, yeah, it's me.

I have found some songs that Sirius plays over and over, that I love, including "Doesn't remind me" by Audioslave and some "These Words" song that my daughters love and has a great beat.

But, on my way down the highway, I have come across bumper stickers...NOT A LOT, but a few. So today I have for you......

TOP 5 Stickers I have seen on my commute on cars.

5. Calvin peeing on: Osama bin Laden, Work, Cubs, ex-wife. I hope calvin is finished relieving his bladder soon. I sure used to love the guy in college. He's different now.

4. "Who says Women can't fish" I didn't know someone did. I know they can't drive.

3. "Kerry/Edwards 2004" Let it go, buddy, let it go. And peace. go listen to some Phish.

2. "In memory of 3" There are many different varieties of these. I have a feeling we are not far off from a Tupac Shakur/Dale Earnhardt/Elvis Presley sighting.

and the top sticker I have seen on a car on my commute to work:

1. THE LAW. I don't know what it means, but they mean biness. (note, this was not on a police car, but a white dodge pickup circa 1980)


That is all for now hope the week is going well for all of you!

anniversary

One year ago, my brother in law got into a bad accident. I can't believe it's already been a year. He was released from the hospital in november of last year, and went to physical therapy 5 days a week until the beginning of this month.

For all accounts, he should not have survived. He had two brain surgeries, and they took out a good deal of his frontal lobe. He was in a coma for 2 weeks. I wondered if he was going to even wake up. But he did.

It is very hard to see him sometimes, because he won't ever be the 'same', and to think of mourning that part of him is pretty much more than I can handle, so I am able to let myself just appreciate the fact that he is still here and still as sweet as he aways was.

It's so unfortunate that things like that have to happen to jolt us into appreciating what we have now.

uh...whoa.

What. A. Flippin. Week.

I feel so completely uprooted right now, I can't explain it. I forgot what it was like to work so much. It has been 5 years since I've truly had a job, and this is nonsense. Seriously, let's all quit and go live on a beach. This is for the birds.

No, that's not true. I mean, I'm really, really enjoying this new job. It's just HAAAAARRRD (in my whiniest Wendy Whiner voice ever).

I have the upmost respect for all those working moms out there. Wowza.

And i miss my blogging friends, truly I do!! I thought, oh I'll just blog when I get home. Nope. I haven't been home at night either.

Whew, I'm exhausted just thinking about the past week I've had. It hasn't been a bad week at all, just, well, exhausting. All the stuff I did before I worked--you know, the stuff your husband doesn't think you're doing when you 'stay at home'...he just assumes you're eating bon bons and playing on the computer (uh...heh...whoops...). I mean the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning up of stuff...yeah when you work that stuff STILL needs to get done. So, I'm working 8 hours, driving in traffic, coming home tired and wiped out and there's dishes to be cleaned and laundry to do.

Now, don't get me wrong, LP is awesome and has totally helped out. It's just those little things I did before still have to get done, and I'm so wiped out it's hard to do!

enough bitching though. It's been good. I LOVE my job, and I absolutely love my boss and the people I work with. They're the type of people you feel comfortable with immediately and make you part of the 'team' and welcome you with big open arms and hearts. They've helped me out tremendously.

The hardest part about my job now is deciphering what the foreign doctors are saying. I spent twenty minutes on a word the other day, and finally figured out he was saying "abnormality". Oh my gosh, I thought it was some sort of cardiac procedure i'd never heard of. Ridiculous. But it is fun, and I enjoy learning all the new terms. This is definitely a job I could do. I love it.

I will be training for a few more weeks, and by then I should have my home office set up so I can work from home. That will be great. It will also allow my husband to let off some techo-steam and get another computer, so I have the old one for my work and the 'new' one for the rest of the family.

We went to plan out kitchen remodel the other night, and they are coming this week to measure again and the new cabinets should arrive before my birthday in September! Yippee!! We've also been replacing all the trim in the house with new white trim, and putting in 6 panel doors. Before we were sporting the ugly dark 1970s wood throughout the homestead. Pretty awful. I will have before/after pics of our bathroom up soon, so you can see how that turned out. AND today we went and bought a new sectional for the den!!!! Woo hoo!!! Our house is finally coming together after all of these years. I'm thrilled.

Well, I thank you for being patient with me if anyone is still reading. I really wanted to do SPF this week too, but seriously, it's been absolutely insane around here. We had 2 soccer games just today so you can imagine our life is totally on full throttle.

Hopefully I'll be able to do some more blogging tomorrow. Have a great rest of the weekend.

first day of kindergarten

first day of kindergarten
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Sorry I did not participate in SPD this week. I was too busy sending THIS gorgeous little thing to her first day of kindergarten. So I needed a little 'alone time' ya know. Yeah, I cried a little bit, so what?

Stealing it!

I dunno who started this or where I copped it from, but it's one of those I've not done yet:


10 years ago: August 1995 – I had just graduated from college and had just gotten dumped by who I thought was going to be the “One”. Overweight, no job, living at home, it was pretty pathetic. I met LP 6 months later.

5 years ago: August 2000 – Youngest one was 8 months old, so probably chasing her around the house. Getting ready for school to start back up again and return to my job as a drug counselor. Working out a lot.

1 year ago: My husband’s grandpa died last week last year, so we were funeraling it for awhile, helping out there. On August 27th was when his brother had his accident, so we spent the next 5 months at the hospital.

Yesterday: I transcribed in the morning, and then went to the girls open house at their school. Realized when I got home my FLY was open the entire F***ing time.

Today: Took the girls to Grant’s Farm. Did laundry.

Tomorrow: A’s first day of school, haircuts, soccer practice. Life of a soccer mom.

5 snacks I enjoy (but I don't necessarily eat anymore): Peanut butter anything, Chips Ahoy, Nutter Butters, popcorn, Toll house cookies

5 bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Rick Springfield, Dixie Chicks, Led Zeppelin, Genesis, (surprisingly) Beatles. I learned the other day I actually know the whole song “Could’ve Been” by Tiffany. Yes I’m embarrassed.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Get a financial advisor, pay someone to watch my grandma, buy an RV and travel, get a personal trainer, give a bunch to the shelter I used to work at and one more--probably start an 80s toy collection (see last one)

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Australia, the Caribbean, south of France, Cabo San Lucas, sometimes the nearest bar

5 bad habits I have: procrastination, spending too much time on the computer, snapping under stress, taking things too personally, not doing my hair and just putting it in a ponytail

5 things I like doing: blogging, playing trivia, riding my bike, Mexican dominoes, going on float trips

5 things I would never wear: pleated pants, thongs outside my jeans, belly shirts, cowboy boots, gold chains

5 TV shows I like: Of all time- Wings, SNL, the Price is Right, Seinfeld, Simpsons
Current: Reno 911, Arrested Development, Medium, Kathy griffin on the D-list, Best Week Ever

5 movies I like: Clerks, Star wars movies, Say Anything, Breakfast Club, When Harry met Sally

5 famous people I'd like to meet: Alive: Kevin Smith, Will Ferrell, Amy Sedaris, David Beckham, Jon Stewart (so either be hot or funny, or both)

Dead: Abraham Lincoln, Cary Grant, eh I can’t think of anymore. Tupac? Then I'd know the truth!

5 biggest joys at the moment: Being with my kids/husband, new job, finally being able to remodel our house, the weather, having my iPod

5 favorite toys: none of your business…okay, well aside from those…uh, Tivo, iPod, my bicycle, snow sled, and the computer…as far as childhood toys: Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, Weebles, my Colecovision, and Playmobile people.

Motif Monday--Fear

Each week mrtl gives us a topic for Mondays...which is great so I don't have to think about what I'm gonna write or bore anyone with a play-by-play of my weekend. (which is almost always boring in a soccer mom kind of way) Today's topic is fear, my old friend.

I have made my fear of sock monkeys quite clear to everyone, so I won't bother to repeat myself. I think we can go ahead and say that the idea of any toys coming to life just really freaks me out. My mother-in-law bought this freaky plastic 'lifesized' doll for my kids a few years ago and I know that if I try to get rid of her she will chop me up in tiny pieces and burn my house down so I keep her in the basement in the closet.

My fear of flying is all encompassing, but I tend to avoid flying on a plane so the fear is rarely surfaced. I truly believe this fear stems from watching "La Bamba" and "Sweet Dreams" ad nauseum on HBO as a kid.

My biggest fear nowadays is either something happening to my kids or an intruder. The feeling that is in the pit of my stomach when I'm in a store and they've got into the next aisle and when I call their name the first time and they don't answer, that sick feeling gets stronger and then when I call out a second time and they don't answer, I go running around the aisle like a madwoman and of course they're both sitting on the dirty floor reading some new Junie B. Jones book and totally ignoring me, while in my head I've already conjured up eight billion images not suitable for younger audiences.

My husband used to go to work way before I woke up, but he always kissed me goodbye and then knowing he was gone I could never go back to sleep.

One morning very early, I woke up when he gave me a kiss, and sat at the computer for a little bit. Suddenly I heard a voice coming up the stairs. Immediately, I knew it was an intruder, and in my groggy state, I went to the basement door and held the door handle (like that was going to stop the intruder) so he couldn't get up. The doorknob started rattling, but I was strong, my adrenaline pumping. In my head I'm trying to figure out how I can get the girls out of the house, and call 911 while holding this guy off. I hear a strange, deep, muffled voice saying, "Open the door! Come on!" Oh my god this is really happening? i can't believe it. Then the intruder says, "I'm late! Open the door!"

WTF? Why would an intruder be late?

I let go of the handle, and there is my husband, with his RADIO in his mouth, that could have possibly caused his voice to sound, uh...muffled. And the cats that he was talking to at his feet. In his workout clothes coming up from the basement from, uh, working out. Coming upstairs to get ready to go to work.

Oh he was laughing so hard. But I yelled at him, "Why the hell did you kiss me then? You only kiss me when you're leaving!!!!"

"But you look so cute when you are sleeping, I couldn't resist."

Yeah, do you think I've ever lived that one down? No. No way. He told everyone he works with so when I called there later they asked me if I'd checked the basement lately.

Which leads me to my other fear, public humiliation, but I think we've done enough damage for the day!!!

Stuff portrait day: On the Road

Kristine over at Random and odd, and one of the coolest people out in blogworld, has come up with Stuff Portrait Fridays. Basically, we show her (and you) our STUFF. Enjoy!

Today's theme is On the Road:
1. Your ride
2. A mile away from your house
3. What you love about the area you live in

Sorry I was a little late with the post today, we had our kitchen estimator here. Yeah, guess who is getting a new remodeled kitchen! ME! Yeah! That's right! ME! Woo hoo!

And by the way, if you haven't noticed, my CAMERA has returned safe and sound! Yippeeee!!

It's a good day in Vajanaland!

kshevan

kshevan
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I'm sporting the Dodge Grand caravan look. I love my van. I am trying my very hardest to drive it as little as I can now that gas is $2.60 a gallon.

mileaway

mileaway
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

A mile away from our house, we're still in our subdivision!! It takes a LONG time to get back to our house. We usually offer shots to people who can find our house on the first try. It's that complicated.

Bike trail

head tilt
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

This is my favorite part of my area near my house. This bike trail is only minutes away, and it is so pretty, in the spring, fall or summer. Even though we've had several bad incidents here, it's also been very fun for all of us.

Confession

I have a confession to make. It may not come as a surprise, as I've mentioned this before, but for some it may be hard to digest.

I don't watch reality shows.

Now, WAIT, don't go just yet. I'm not a 'reality show' snob or anything. I've sat down and seen episodes of a few of them, but I've never gotten 'hooked' on any of them.

I've never seen an episode of the "Amazing Race" or "America's Top model". Never. OR the "Bachelor/ette" OR "Simple life", "Apprentice" or "Rock star INXS." Not one.

I'll admit to watching "Surreal Life", and "Being Bobby Brown" (doodie bubble?) and uh, let's see, oh I had to watch the trainwreck that is "Chaotic" at least once. I watched the first "Survivor" season finale.

I know, this can come to some people as quite a shock. But hear me out. I have serious, serious ADD. I've taken the test, and gotten 100%. I cannot stay focused. Ever. My husband gets SO mad at me because I cannot even stand to watch a commercial, I'll just flipflipflip until I find something that is NOT a commercial. Even if it is a documentary on the life of carpenter ants.

(oh and btw TIVO has alleviated this problem a lot, god TIVO rocks and if you do not have one, GO GET ONE NOW I say in my best James Lipton voice.)

So this is why I do not watch television. It just doesn't suit my need for rapid information.

This is also why I have an internet addiction, but that's an Oprah for another day.

But I have seen the light and that light is in the form of a redheaded foul-mouthed goddess named Kathy Griffin.

She is starring on Bravo's new reality show Kathy Griffin: My life on the D-list. She is so friggin' hilarious I have to make sure I drink during the commercials (or at least while I'm fastforwarding through them) otherwise I may spit it out with laughter. She has her husband who is funny, her assistant who may very well hate her, and her two 'best gays', who are friends of hers that tell her the truth about everything. (and reminds me I should get more gays, I could use the encouragement) They rock, her parents rock, the whole show is stinkin hilarious. Because Kathy does not take herself at ALL seriously. And she makes fun of people that DO. And that is what is so brilliant about her.

Go check it out, you won't be disappointed!!

New beginning

I did not actively decide to become a 'stay at home mom'. When I was pregnant with R, my youngest, I told LP that I would no longer work at the children's shelter I was working at. Not because I didn't love the job. It was great. It was b/c I worked weekends and holidays, and so was he at the time. We worked opposite shifts, and never saw each other. It was tough, but we got through it. Sometimes I think we survived because we didn't see each other and weren't physically able to strangle one another.

As soon as I had her I quit, and when she was 3 weeks old, an former co-worker from the shelter invited me to work at her company on a part-time basis.

Right about this time my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. First time I realized this was when she asked me who that little boy was visiting my house. It was my oldest daughter. Crushed me to know she had no recollection of her.

I worked as a drug counselor at the local high school for almost a year. It was fun, easy, and very flexible. I remember one day teaching a 6th grade class about peer pressure while cradling R in my hands and pointing to the chalkboard in another. Maybe I should've been talking about sex education.....

Anyway!

It was becoming obvious my grandpa needed more help with grandma, and my mom asked if I would help out. LP and I discussed it, and it was the easiest decision we've ever made. And probably the best. I quit my job.

This was December 2000. My grandma didn't know who I was by that time. I'd come over, get her dressed, feed her, talk to her, try to keep things light. My grandpa would try to keep control of the situation, and I felt for him, watching the woman he loved so much forget everything that meant anything to her.

I learned more about my grandparents than I ever knew. I learned about my grandpa being shipped off to relatives when he was 8 to work on a farm because he dad couldn't hold a job. He told me about how his father had come home from school one day and his family had left, so he changed his name. There is no way we can trace his family back farther than that since no one knows what their name was.

I learned that my grandparents walked to breakfast every morning hand in hand.

I learned my grandma and grandpa used to go to Chicago in the heyday of swing and dance the weekend away at the Riviera.

I learned that when my uncle, while stationed in Vietnam, only wanted to buy a Pioneer stereo when he got home. He came home, bought the stereo, and died in a car accident on his wedding day. My mom still has the stereo.

I also learned that the only thing that made my grandma happy was the Lawrence Welk show. She would dance and laugh, and sing. She knew every single word. But she didn't remember me.

My grandpa died in February of 2002. Three months later, my grandma died too.

I learned more about my grandparents in that year and a half than I'd known in the years prior to that.

Afterwards, I decided that helping my kids grow up was more important than earning money. It has been HARD, and sometimes I really wanted to run out of the house and drive out into the sunset. We've scrimped. We have had to buy used stuff. We have had to stay at home and eat leftovers.

But I KNOW it was worth it. I know that I will remember all those great moments with my kids, treasure them, because time with them will always mean more than money.

I hadn't meant to pour all this out, but today I got a Job. A real, honest to goodness Job.

I'm glad and thankful I was fortunate to be able to stay at home as long as I have. Now that both girls will be at school, I'll be able to help out financially and I'm glad. It's time, I'm ready, and I'm excited. I'll be doing what I went back to school for, and making decent money.

I'd trade it all in for another day with my grandparents, but I can't.

But now I can cherish those 2 years I had with them.

And I will always be able to watch Lawrence Welk and smile.

Top 5 things my brother told me to torment me when I was a kid

My brother is 3 years older than me and totally used that to his advantage. I in no way hold it against him, except when he tells Mom about the time he found me smoking pot with my friends instead of going to the movies.

5. He told me that my hometown was the #1 target for the Russians to drop a bomb on. This was the "Day After" era. I had nightmares for weeks. Months. Hell, sometimes I still have them. Yakoff Smirnoff still freaks me out.

4. My toy box opened up when I wasn't looking into a REAL toystore. There was this toy store when I was a kid called "Toy Chest" and the commercial had some jack-in-the-box opening up a toybox into the store. So he wasn't original, but there were several times when I almost saw the opening. But somehow, every damn time I walked in the room, it closed up.

3. My parents didn't love me. Well of course. He was the Golden Child. This didn't scar me so much as it confirmed my suspicions.

2. Indiana Jones used to live in the woods by our house. This wasn't so much a torment as it was just an insult to my intelligence. Really.

and the number one thing my brother told me to torment as a kid:

1. Tocka-Tina. Oh my god. Again, not original, but he knew where my weak spot was. In the 70s there was a doll called Dancerina Ballerina. Every single one of my friends had one. I'm watching a commercial one day for the doll, and my brother proceeded to tell me a story of this possessed doll who would kill her owners and make it look like an accident. The only way she made her presence known was by saying, "Tick...tick...tocka TEEENa" Then BAM you're dead. I'm over at a sleepover, getting no sleep because this damn ballerina doll is staring right at me, yummy kid flesh for her to devour. Sometimes when I was in my room, for shits and grins he would just stay by my door and say it, "Tick...tick...tocka TEENa". I know I had to change my drawers at least once when he pulled that crap. Years later, I learned he completely ripped it off of Twilight Zone.

Lesson learned here? If you're going to be tormented, make sure you are very well read on pop culture, so you can throw it back in the tormentor's face that he is a big fat, poopyhead liar. Neener neener. So there.

SPD Friday--OCD

The main thing that is causing my anxiety this week is our bathroom remodel, but I can't show that to you because of my digital camera being somewhere in the mail right now. So, without pictures, I present to you...

Stuff Portrait Day Friday, brought to you by the wonderful Kristine.

Today's subject: Obsessive-Compulsive Anxiety.
1. Horrible Habits.
2. Something you obsess over.
3. Something that causes you anxiety.

HORRIBLE HABITS: I procrastinate. Like now. I should be doing laundry and getting dressed, but I'm not. I'm in my PJs and I haven't even put my contacts in yet. I'm a wait-till-the-last-minute kinda gal, and I always will be. It's a horrible habit. I also have a habit of spending WAY too much time on the computer, but if I expand on that, it would make me spend even more time on the computer and I just can't do that today.

SOMETHING I OBSESS OVER: I have a problem re-living the day. That's mainly why I have just bad insomnia most of the time. I think about a conversation I may have had with someone and worry about whether or not I said the wrong thing, or if I offended them in some way, or if they took it the wrong way, or if I was nice enough, etc. etc. etc. It's pathetic. Boy this topic is just making it all better isn't it! At least I have chocolate in the house.

SOMETHING THAT CAUSES ME ANXIETY: This is going to sound very strange, but it is the Caprisun straw wrappers that cause me SO much anxiety. I FLIP out when I see one on the floor. I just don't understand why this one little piece of plastic is so damn difficult for my daughters to throw the crap away! I find them everywhere. In the bathroom, down in the basement, in the couch crevices, very rarely anywhere near the actual Caprisun itself. Why this causes me much anxiety, I do not know. I guess I can appreciate that this causes me anxiety and not like, you know, UFOs coming and landing in my backyard or something. Oh yeah, that freaks me out too. Never mind.

Well, off to the dentist with my youngest. LP and I spent 2 hours picking out tile last night at Home Depot only to come home and have it totally not match at ALL. So back we go today.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Practice what I preach

I should not even post today. I try to be a pretty upbeat and positive person, but it just isn't going to happen for me today. I don't know. I spent all day yesterday painting our master bath and it turned out INCREDIBLE. Maybe the paint fumes got to me and put me in a funk. At any rate, all the time I spent in that tiny, non-ventilated room, got me doing some 'stinkin' thinkin'" and I started analyzing things I've said, done, caused, etc. in the past. Just bringing up a whole bunch of stupid shit, (10 years ago of stupid shit!) for no reason whatsoever. Like how T completely stopped talking to me and I still don't know why. Or when L said something about N and N thought it was me. Or the time...well, I did that yesterday, I don't need to do it again today.

I would LOVE to show off pictures but of course my digital camera is on its way to the digital hospital. Hopefully once the tile is in and the vanity is set I will be able to take some.

In the meantime I'm just going to sulk and buy balloons for this pity party I've decided to throw. I would invite you, but really, it isn't going to be a good time.

I'll be back tomorrow when I'm in a better mood.

In the meantime, Jerri can cheer us all up.

Enjoying

This blogging community has caused such a ruckus. For some, it can lead to problems.

Please, hand these out to those in need.

Blog depression pamphlet.

wavepool

wavepool
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Here is Alex in the wave pool. She would have spent the entire day there, but we made her get out when we saw some kid puking in it. I'm not so much for pukewater.

libertylaunch

libertylaunch
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I was able to retrieve my pictures from Holiday World from my card...we are launching ourselves for liberty.

Uninvent, part two

If you recall, my loving husband got me a digital camera for Mother's Day. It wasn't fancy, but it was small, and served our purposes (do you see already I'm using past tense here?). We took it to DisneyWorld and I found it took excellent, clear pictures. I thought, for a moment, I could keep up with the picture-taking mothertruckers that abound here in the blogosphere. While that really isn't true, I could at least get some decent photos.

This past weekend, I unzipped the zipper to the Wal-Mart camera case I had adorned on my belt loop, and pressed the "On/Off" button on my digital friend to snap a quick, fleeting moment of my daughter on a water slide.

I got nuthin.

I played with it a little, you know, shook it, pressed the buttons even with MORE ferocity, waited a second then tried again. Still, nothing, except a little note in the corner that said, "E18".

Now that I've become completely co-dependent on my digital camera, I was unable to take pictures of the rolling Indiana hills, my daughters diving in the pool, a Bavarian church, and my dad sifting through the trash looking for marlboro miles. I was. PISSED.

LP came home and immediately went to town to do the research (uh, could've done this PRIOR to purchasing the camera, but I will digress on that one) and found that the E18 error is known in some parts as the "Dreaded E18 Error".

Gulp.

My camera has been rendered completely useless.

I sent it away back to the company (CANON btw) from whence it came.

I will NOT go gently into the good night without a digital camera. No, no no. This situation will be rectified shortly. I have a baby going into kindergarten in 2 weeks, wtf? How the heck am I supposed to document that? What, use a regular camera? Who am I, a Neanderthal?? Nonsense.

Okay. maybe I'm overreacting a bit. Abraham Lincoln had to sit 4 hours for someone to paint his damn mug, so things could be worse.

So in the meantime, go and enjoy HDL's pictures. They are fabulous.

Have a good one!!

Uninvent this

Today, mrtl's topic is about what invention would I uninvent. Well, only a few days ago I visited Lincoln's Boyhood Home in Indiana, and seeing how many inventions he went without, it's tough to say I'd want to uninvent anything we've got going on here. I'd probably uninvent the "Super Size" meal, maybe we as a nation wouldn't be so gosh darned tubby.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

My weekend at Holiday World was a pretty good one. The park itself was crowded, and we waited 45 minutes to ride a ride on average. We rode the Legend and the Raven, which have been voted #4 and #1 best wooden roller coasters in the world. We also rode the Tilt-A-Whirl which should be voted most nauseating. The water park was packed, and we left when we saw a kid throw up in the wave pool. That was enough for me, thanks. But for free parking, soda and sunscreen all day long, it was a pretty decent little park.

We stayed in Jasper, Indiana (home of Scott Rolen, and if you know who he is, yeah you rock) which was a fantastic little town. It was mostly German so the architecture was brilliant. There was a hiking trail behind our hotel and it was along a small river. Very scenic.

The best part of the trip was walking along the path with my dad early in the morning. Ever since he was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, he takes walks every morning. It was great to spend some quality time with him, talking and laughing. He's a great guy.

I did have to question his sanity however, when I discovered his penchant for looking into trash cans for Marlboro miles. He insists he only looks on the top, but still, GROSS DAD. He found two on our walk, and he said he was saving up to buy my uncle a Stetson hat.

"How many did you find?"

"Oh two of them! Good day today!"

"How many do you need for the hat?'

"7,000."

Watch out, dumpsters, trash bins, and garbage cans. My dad's coming to take your Miles.

magichouse2005

magichouse2005
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Alex and Riley at the Magic House. I have a picture of me at the same age. Wearing terry cloth though.

My idea of Hell

Picture 003
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Raising 'em right

In the car today, Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" came on the radio. Alex, knowing FULL WELL that certain sewn primates freak me the hell out (read my profile) starts singing, "SOCK MONKEYS!! Don't cha know you've got a SOCK MONKEY!"

Oh yeah, she's all kinds of evil. I love it!!!

Kids are alright

So it is Monday. This week is filled to the brim with activity, so stay tuned as I may not be blogging a lot. But if I don't, you can always entertain yourself by visiting here or here.

It was a pretty eventful weekend. Friday night, we actually had a babysitter! That makes twice in one week we had a babysitter without obligation. Unbelievable. The last time that happened was like, 2002. LP (that's my husband) and I went out for sushi. The caterpillar roll has been added to my list of things I will be serving when Rick Springfield finally decides to come over for dinner. Afterwards, we couldn't think of anything to do (that is why we haven't been on a 'date' since 2002!) but chose to go play darts. We met due to playing darts, which I have not posted about it yet. Anyway, I BEAT him 166-0 and that my friends never happens. Small victory for me, I can hold on to that for awhile at least.

We met up with our good friends Aaron and Phil, who are visiting from Arizona. They moved there a few years ago and have left us unentertained since. I haven't laughed that much in a long time.

The rest of the weekend was spent like a Lowe's commercial...installing ceiling fans, chipping off bathroom tile, steam cleaning carpets. And there was no Frank or Doug or Hildy helping ME out.

Today we are heading to the Magic House, which promises lots o' magic for us. Good times. Tomorrow I get to take a barium swallow, which gives my husband plenty of reasons to say the word 'swallow' over and over again...I am starting this week also transcribing for a psychatric hospital, my first 'real' job since I got my certificate, it will be fantastic. Thursday we are leaving for Holiday World, hooray!!! This place looks exactly like what Wally World was. Who says we can't have fun in the Midwest?? Right??? RIGHT???

Wang Chung

I couldn't paste the button either, so go check this out and let me know how you scored!!

80's lyrics quiz


If any of y'all miss #4, please, we need to talk.

Thanks to JBo for this!

Top 5 things I wanted to be when I grew up

*And understand, I'm still not grown up so who knows what is in my future!!

5. Psychologist contributor to "Teen" magazines. I thought this was such a great gig, answering the q/a column of a teen girl magazine, philosophizing on such things as, "Why doesn't he like me?" and "What should I do if he asks me to go down there?" and "What's this funky smell?"

4. Cartoon character voice. Totally inspired by Trixie. And Smurfette.

3. Writer. Well I can say I do this, if 'writer' includes to-do lists and signing my name on all my daughter's corrected math pages.

2. Mermaid. Still working on this one.

and the number 1 thing I wanted to be when I grew up:

1. Horror film makeup artist. This is thanks to having an older brother with a subscription to "Fangoria" magazine. I thought putting fake skin on people and turning them into Freddy Krueger was the coolest thing ever. Too bad I decided to go to college to get a psychology degree instead. I could've been the chick putting fake blood on Drew barrymore. Okay, well maybe I made the right choice.

Rhymes with gullet

Of course, Ms. PissyBritches took me to this site, but how about THIS one???

Look who got their ears pierced!!

pierced
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I've never seen anyone smile when the gun hits their ears but SHE DID. She has been walking around here like she is JLo ever since. Her diva factor has been upped about 10 points now.

WTF Tuesday

There's been quite a lot going on lately so my blogging hasn't been stellar, but I had to post about my dream last night. I woke up thinking, WTF was that???

I was taking a tour of a candy factory *(*this stemming from a conversation with Alex earlier in the day where she said Charlie and the Chocolate factory should be called the CANDY factory and she thought it was false advertising since Nerds are more popular than Wonka bars, go figure) . Several women and I got onto this funnel-shaped 'ride' that actually turned out to be a taffy puller and one of the women got caught in the taffy and swept away. After the ride we all realized the owner was some maniacal cannibal making people into candy (Soylent Green!!).

All I remember was the taffy was like a light green-blue.

I guess this whole Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka is really freaking me out. I'd much rather see Jack Sparrow back, personally.

Motif Monday--Secrets

I am horrible, just awful at keeping secrets. Do not bother telling me one, it's fruitless. It is not due to the fact that I like to spread around other people's secrets, it's that I am the WORST liar in the universe and if someone were to call me on a secret, I would explode right then and there. Someone told my mother once that I could never win at poker with my facial expressions. Really, I just can't lie. I tried lying the other night to LP about a movie I'd purchased and didn't want him to know about it, but the instant he said, "What are you watching?" I couldn't hide it.

"I'm sorry! I bought a movie! I didn't want you to know!!!" Of course he just laughs at me.

There is one secret I've kept from my family for over 8 years now and i wonder if I will ever tell them. I'm pretty amazed that I was able to keep it this long, and it's not a secret that would damage anyone or myself, it's just something I think was personal and didn't involve anyone else. So I've got that to hang on to at least!!

Maybe I should keep my undying love for Rick Springfield a secret, but I don't.

Ask Peeves

Riley had a birthday party this weekend and on the invitation it stated, "D is a very fortunate girl. PLEASE do not bring gifts, she will greatly appreciate you celebrating her birthday with her."

Okay, in BIG BOLD letters it says no gifts.

My kid was the ONLY FUCKING KID without a gift for this girl.

Dammit!!!!

Stuff Portrait Day 80s style

this is the best theme ever, and also turned out to be more difficult than I thought!! Thanks to Kristine, our topic this week for Stuff Portrait day was the 80s: a pic of myself, something I still own from the decade as well as a CD or DVD. The only pic i could come up with was me in the newspaper in kindergarten, but hopefully I represented the era with the rest of my stuff. Enjoy!!

Self Portrait Day July 17 2005

IMG_0657
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I do not have a scanner, so all the kickass hair pics I have (when I wasn't grounded from my curling iron) will have to wait for another day. This picture was actually taken in 1978 so I guess I totally blew it didn't I. I redeem myself by looking so damn cute in this picture though! I was doing some SERIOUS praying before our kindergarten Thanksgiving dinner, yo.

fletch

fletch
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

When I met LP, the first weekend we were sort of 'serious' there was a Fletch marathon on TBS. We watched this movie at least 10 times in a row. I knew it was love.

garbagepail

garbagepail
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I should have waited on this SPD, OR I should have visited my parents this week, because I have a collection of about 20 Smurfs including their mushroom house that would have been perfect for this. But I did find this Garbage Pail Kid in my memory box. Why would I want to remember this?

Top 5 of my Favorite Brady Bunch episodes

Inspired by JBo and her love for all things Brady:

Top 5 favorite Brady Bunch episodes*:

*episodes, meaning, no 2-episode stories such as the Wild west or Hawaii cuz, DUH the Hawaii trip was the friggin' end all be all of Bradiness.

5. Mike installs a toll phone in the den. It is utterly ridiculous to think someone would try to do this, and honestly, how often does Cindy need to talk to her friend down the street?

4. Fighting over Trading stamps and how to use them. Okay, first off, I was watching the Bradys in the late 70s and honestly to this day have no idea what the hell trading stamps are anyway. The only stamps I know of are the ones you put on a letter and the ones that the nice woman in front of me hand the cashier at the store. Secondly, I hardly think a CARD TOWER contest is any way to settle anything. But what do I know? I thought it was cool when I was a kid, and didn't understand why my parents didn't do that more often with my brother and me. Mike Brady must've been drinking a lot of whisky in that 'office' of his.

3. Volcano Lava episode. I can't remember what happened in this episode exactly, but I do remember that someone (Bobby?) had a model he was working on for school of a volcano that spewed out lava all over Marcia and her cheerleader friends. Then my knack for sexual innuendo was born.

2. Amusement park mix-up. I never realized that architects kept their important blueprints in the exact same white containers as carnies put their cute bear posters in. Now I know.

and MY favorite Brady Bunch episode of all time:

1. UFO sighting! This is not the conventional favorite, but for me it was an epiphany of sorts. the idea was that Greg was pranking Peter and Bobby using a WHISTLE to sound like a UFO and using a Frisbee or something on wires in the backyard. Watching this as a kid, my brother and I were so amazed that there was such a whistle out there in existence that could emanate such a noise. We were excited, because we wanted THAT WHISTLE. What fun could be had by having a whistle that powerful!! Not soon after that did we realize the art of television trickery and learned the sound was dubbed in. Thus began my skepticism of TV I guess. But at any rate, the episode is hilarious, like Greg has the time in his busy Johnny Bravo schedule to come up with such an elaborate scheme that the FBI is actually called out to investigate!!

It's all just pork chops and applesauce I guess.

P.S. For all you Brady fans this site is extremely helpful: Brady episode guide

30 days

I have a show that LP and I now watch religiously every week. This is a big deal for me, as I don't like much television and rarely settle my ADD down enough to watch an entire show. I'm usually doing something else, but of course now I have this wonderful blogging addiction so I've got that going for me. Yet I digress.

The show is entitled "30 days" and it was created by Morgan Spurlock, the wonderful individual who brought to us the movie "Super Size Me". If you haven't seen that, well before you stop off at the nearest drive-thru you might want to pick that up first.

The idea is, for 30 days, either he or someone else recruited for the ride, will do something for 30 days that is out of their realm of comfortability (is that even a word?). So far he's lived on minimum wage, had a Christian live with a Muslim family, had a 30-something guy go on hormone therapy, a devout homophobe live in San Francisco with a gay man, and two fun-loving New Yorkers live on an eco-village all for 30 days.

The latter episode was on last night. These two individuals, experiments if you will, had to live on this commune, with only solar power, no meat, growing their own food, building a house with MUD, heating their showers with fire, and sustaining only from what Mother Nature has provided.

When I was in junior high and big bangs were all the rage, I left my curling iron all day one time. My dad grounded me from my curling iron for ONE WEEK. Do you have any idea what it was like going to school without my big bangs? Torture!!

So imagine having no power, no blowdryer, no 'products', no hot shower and NO water in the terlet.

I could barely stand a week without a curling iron, I doubt I would have survived.

Yet all of these people were able to conform to their surroundings and accept the conditions.

Hmm.

I'd like to see, for 30 days:

People who are rude to waiters/waitresses, having to work at a restaurant

My mother go without running a vacuum cleaner

Paris Hilton with no one caring where she goes or what she does (oh...wait, nevermind)

Sports parents playing, practicing and hearing their kids berate them as they do

A teenager living without cell phones, PDAs, etc. like I did in the 80s--listening only to tapes!

A movie celebrity staying at home with their children with no nannies or help, and then taking the WHOLE family to one of their movies, buy them popcorn and soda, based on an one-income family's wages.

What would you like to see for 30 days???

Get your Jif story straight

Hey I'm all about it if you find something in yo peanut butter, but geez ask the kids about it first before spiking an investigation!!

P.S. This will probably the last peanut butter related story I'll see in the news for awhile.


Last month we told you about a St. Charles woman who made a startling discovery in her jar of Jif peanut butter. In a NewsChannel 5 follow up, the test results are in. We now know what scientists say that object was.On June 27th, we spoke to Patt Holt, after she noticed something in her jar of Jif. She told us, "I reached the spoon all the way to the bottom to get a nice big glop and pulled up that."It was small and gray and covered with peanut butter. At the time, Patt suspected it was a mouse. She had professional pictures taken, hired a lawyer, and had a representative from the FDA over to inspect.From there, she handed the object over. J.M. Smucker, the parent company of Jif wanted to have it tested in a lab. Soon after, the lab results came back. They found the object in the peanut butter wasn't animal. It wasn't vegetable. It was fruit: Specifically an apple.

They determined that there were no bones, just a stem. And there was no fur, just mold. Beyond that, they believe someone put that apple in the jar. Herman says, "There wasn't much peanut butter on the apple, and that's why we were able to determine that those pieces of apple were introduced after that jar was opened."

We spoke to Patt Holt by phone about the results. She was advised by her lawyer not to comment. She does, however, say she is unlikely to pursue the matter any further.

Call me

the other day I was in a dressing room and some woman's cell phone started ringing. But when I say 'ringing' I actually mean 'making incoherent sound' because it was supposed to be a ringtone but sounded more glarbity garblely. What is the point of having a cool ringtone if you can't even recognize the song??

When we got our last cell phones, they were the first ones we've had that gave the option of personalized ringtones. Before I just had 4 tones to choose from, and I think one of them was Brahm's lullaby. So when anyone called I would immediately get sleepy and want to get off the phone, so I guess that helped me save my minutes. But when I was presented with such an array of different ringtones, my head was swimming!! Who wouldn't want to answer the phone when Randy jackson says, "Yo dawg, pick up the phone." The options were endless.

But in the end, I only have 2 ringtones on my phone, and I only use one of them. The first one I got was "You dropped the Bomb on me" by the Gap band, but when I play it, it sounds like glarbity garble so I don't even bother. The one I normally use is the Peanuts song, and it never fails to get smiles from other people. (Everyone has a fondness for balding children with psychiatric problems)

What do you have on your cell phone? OR what would you want to have??

Motif Monday--Costumes

Running a little late on the postings today. Today was the Day of Waiting. I waited in line at the post office to return a package that was sent to the wrong address and ended up on my doorstep, only to learn it was UPS. I waited at the grocery store, but that was OK because the cashier was pleasant and I got some crumb cakes. I waited at the hospital because I took Al in for an x-ray, which was totally not on the agenda for today but still I waited. I guess she's fine because I WAITED and no one came out ever to tell me if she's broken so I guess she ain't. (I would've kept her anyway) Then I promised her that since her last fishies found the drain (all drains lead to the ocean) I'd get her a new one SO I waited at Petzmart for two. fishies. Then I waited for the toaster oven to cook my Tater Tots and then I ate them. So that's it in a nutshell.

I've never been really great at costumes but the two best costumes I ever had were:

1. 6th grade--my dad (the Teacher) had a novel idea that since it was 1986 and since EVERYONE knew it was the centennial of the Statue of Liberty, I should honor her with dressing like her for Halloween. okay, first of all, I was really too old to be trick-or-treating anyway, but somehow I got roped into it and it turned out pretty cool although I had to draw the line when Dad wanted the silver metallic paint he'd just used to paint my brother's boxcar to be applied to my FACE, but I did win some contest. And yet there is no photographic evidence whatsoever of this.

2. 2001--Both my daughters were loving the 101 Dalmatians so they dressed up like the dogs and I was Cruella de Vil and LP was Jasper, the dog-nabber. I kept forgetting that I was dressed up and I kept seeing kids I knew and freaking them the hell out. I had the wig and all, and I would see a kid and say, "Helllllloooooo" and they would run screaming. I felt bad but it felt gooooood. Of note, I have a very ROUND face and Cruella is pretty pointy so that didn't work out so well for me but it was still lots of fun.

You can tell the difference in my daughters' personalities by their choices of costumes:

Al: Tigger, Scooby-Doo, dog, Powerpuff Girl, butterfly, cat, witch, pirate
Rug: dog, Sleeping Beauty, Tinkerbell, and her choices for this year are either Belle or Jasmine

Top 3 best costumes I've ever seen:
3. In college, some girl got a white garbage bag, stuffed it with paper and called her self 'white trash'
2. At a party, this guy had the best Frankenberry costume, handmade of course.
1. If you know what an afro and a purple Lakers jersey on a white guy look like, then you know it's none other than Mr. Babar, with two b's, but not right next to each other.

Here is what I'm going as this year!!! you're my only hope, yeah I know I'm a geek.

can't get enough of your haiku baby

My girl knows not love
A Reese's cup left behind
Of course I ate it.

Enjoying

Everyone in this country needs a little insight at times, some direction, if you will.

You probably won't get it here.

Self Portrait Day July 8 2005

favoritepic
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

There really is no ONE picture I can pick out to be my favorite, but this comes close. It's my husband and my 1st daughter when she is about a year old.

door

door
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

SPD: Household pet peeve

You can't tell very well from this picture, but the people who built my house put this door on BACKWARDS. The screen is on the INSIDE instead of the outside. Who is stupider--the builder or us for not realizing it until after we bought the house?

magazines

magazines
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

SPD: Magazine subscriptions.
I love to read magazines but I usually buy them. But look! I've got written evidence of Tom Cruise's decline!

Cat Haiku

My aunt Shirley just emailed this to me and cat humor was never humorous to me until I understood what the hell it meant. Love this though.


The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.

There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:This pillow's taken.

My affection is
conditional. Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.

Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.

I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.

So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."

Not that kind of roast

Every year my daughter's school has an annual fundraising auction. Last year, one of the things up for bid was a 'pig roast'. This consisted of people coming to your house, cooking a PIG, with all the fixins including beer, and you provide the good times.

last year about 20 families went in on it, and it was a fantastic time. This year we did the same.

Last year there were lap dances, chicken fights, and lots of crazy shenanigans.

This year it is on Saturday.

Last year they hired a babysitter to watch all the kids.

This year, it is NO KIDS ALLOWED.

I have already made up a contract for my husband to sign stating I will NOT clean up after his drunken ass, I will NOT think it is funny when he pees in the koi pond, and I will ABSOLUTELY NOT be making out with the other soccer moms.

NOT THIS YEAR DAMMIT.

Enjoying

I sing "Rainbow Connection" to my girls every night before they go to sleep, and my eldest asked for the lyrics. During my search I came across this little ditty. Enjoy.

Imagine if you will

Yesterday the SciFi channel had a Twilight Zone marathon. My husband (who will now be referred to as LP, for really funny reasons but that would certainly not be as funny if I retold it) thought it would be a good idea for my 5-year-old to watch with him.

I told him there would be a threesome in our bed later but not the kind he would prefer.

however she did wait until he got up for work this morning before she crawled in saying she not only had a nightmare but "4, really worst dreams ever".

I didn't mind though, because when she woke up I was in the midst of my own nightmare, consisting of treehouses, napalm and Good Housekeeping magazines.

WTF???

Have a Cigar

Holy crap I still can't believe Pink Floyd reunited. That performance was brilliant. And of course they played "Wish you Were Here" which is on my top 5 of favorite songs ever. Oh my I am getting verklempt.

Thank God we Tivo'd it so I can watch it over and over and over.

In an interview, Roger Waters stated a reunion tour was "highly unlikely" and that this was a one-time thing, but he also added, "never say never".

I will hold on to that "never say never" as tightly as I can for a long, long time!!

airshow

airshow
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

arch2005

arch2005
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I've lived here all my life, but still every time I go to visit I have to take this shot of the Gateway Arch.

Fair St. Louis

alexarch
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

We took the girls down to Fair STL today to see "Raven" in concert. We sat under the Arch. They blocked off one of the bridges over the Mississippi to traffic, so we walked over, watched the Air show and got some grub. It was an absolutely fantastic day.

outside

outside
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

SPD: taken from my front door. I noticed everyone else has the other way around, but I was in a nature-y mood this mornin'.

ebony & ivory

ebony & ivory
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

My keys--oh wait, you meant my CAR keys. My bad. But now I've got you singing Stevie Wonder all day today, so my work here is done.

rings

rings
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Self portrait day: Things kept from a past relationship.

My ex-boyfriend made these rings for me in his high school art class. Probably the coolest gifts he gave me.

While we're on the topic...

Rick Springfield will be on Larry King July 2nd. Check your local listings. I'm sure Larry will ask him if Rick is still friends with Jessie. I'm sure of it.

Completely ripped off of HDL who ripped it off someone else--but I think she likes me stealing stuff from her, she's a good sport.

A is for Age - Thirty-one
B is for Booze - Miller Lite--my husband has denounced me since we live in the Land that Anheuser-Busch built, but hey Miller Lite was cheaper in college so I stuck with it
C is for Career - I used da work in an abused kid's shelter--now I'm a Shit Ass Ho Mother fucker--or, if you prefer, a Stay at Home Mom
D is for Dad's name - Big Billy
E is for Essential Item to Bring to a Party -I usually bring a bottle of wine but that doesn't mean I'm pretentious--it's usually something like Sutter Home or crap like that
F is for Favorite Song(s) of the Moment - "Best of You" by the Foo Fighters
G is for Goof Off Thing To Do - Blog for hours straight and pretend I know everyone better than I actually do
H is for Hometown - Belleville, right next to the Murder Capital of America, East St. Louis
I is for Instrument You Play - Piano and the flute
J is for Jam or Jelly You Like - Grape and Blackberry but I never eat it anymore
K is for Kids - Two. Complete opposites.
L is for Living Arrangement - In a house on a street.
M is for Mom's Name - Sandbags
N is for Names of Best Friends - I have several from each period in my life.
O is for Overnight Hospital Stays - 4. Two for my kid's births, one for my own, and one for a real bad infection I had after I had my first baby. That's a definite post for a sooner than later day.
P is for Phobias -Flying.
Q is for Quote You Like - "I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul"
R is for Relationship That Lasted the Longest - My marriage--married 8.5, together 9.5
S is for Siblings - One brother
T is for Texas, ever been? - Yes, Dallas. West of Dallas was very, very dry. We did stop to see the frog that was stuck in a cornerstone of a building that they've kept stuffed. Ew.
U is for Unique Trait - I um, can do the MC Hammer dance.
V is for Vegetable You Love - Broccoli, cucumbers are veggies right?
W is for Worst Trait - Oh my god I can be SO sensitive. I think everyone hates me.
X is for X-rays you've had - My lungs for pneumonia, that is all.
Y is for Yummy Food You Make - Turkey spaghetti, Mexican casserole and these really good cranberry crumb cakes at Christmas (ooh how about that alliteration?)
Z is for Zodiac Sign - Libra sign of Indecision and Can't Say No (but ask LP, I say no all the time)

Self Portrait Day

Self Portrait Day
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

So I'm a little late with the SPD today but at least I participated this week! Although I must say I'm kinda glad I skipped the in a public bathroom one...and yes, my cats DO jump on the counters so if you ever visit keep that in mind.

Having a good time

Another moment I will surely cherish:

Today I took my parents and my kids across the river into Missouri for fireworks (all we have here in IL are snap n' pops and sparklers) and I played that "Ma ai hee" song by O-zone and my dad was HOWLING laughing because all the girls were singing it and making Cat's facial expressions--it was hilarious!!!!

Denied

This weekend we went to Sam's Club. Why? We love the smell of excessive merchandise. I walked in and to my immediate left was the CD rack. I walked casually by, when his PRESENCE was felt. I could feel him. I turned, and there it was. Rick Springfield's latest 'greatest hits' album!! There! Staring back at me with his Dr. Noah Drake eyes!! I was transfixed.

**Note: Okay, say what you want but YES there were other songs on there besides 8 renditions of "Jessie's Girl". He is multi-faceted ya know. And yes, I know, as my sister-in-law pointed out, that this "NEW" greatest hits only has like 2 new songs in it than the 'old' greatest hits that I already have. Whatever. No hating on Rick please. I will laugh, but then tell you to SUCK it because I know you listened to Milli Vanilli and had no IDEA they weren't singing. so THERE.**

Anyway.

I carried it, nay, I cradled it while we walked around the store. As we approached the check out line, I noticed it curled around well past the ginormous tubs of animal crackers. No way was I going to wait in line with ONE thing. These people ahead of me have months worth of mustard, and I had one item. Aaron looked at my sadness and said, "Don't worry, honey, we'll go straight to Best Buy, it will be there." (did I mention I love this man?)

Only problem was, IT WASN'T. Not at Kmart, Not at Wal-Mart. It was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

So now I go on in my days, mourning yet longing for the day I can make it back up to Sam's and come home with the greatest Lifetime movie actor EVER singing his greatest hits.

You go, Rick. I'll be right here waiting.

alexfrogcake

alexfrogcake
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Alex had a frog birthday party this week. After we took this picture my husband started freaking out because she had blood on her arm and he was trying to find the cut, and it was gushing out--then we realized DUH it was the red icing, as you can see in this pic her arm is totally smearing.

Quickie/Nooner

I must act quickly as the Computer Whore will realize i am actually ABLE to use the Internet and then she will immediately CUT ME OFF. So i can at least hurry up and fire one off here before she notices. Seriously, I have written at least 3 posts in the past few days that she has quickly WIPED away from existence. Bitch.

Anyway today was Clean up the House Day and I *accidentally* vacuumed up one of Alex's rosaries. Holy beads flying everywhere!!

Al made the select soccer team--woo hoo for her!! I'm not sure if I'm elated just yet--this means 2 practices a week and at least 2 games a weekend, lots of runnin'. Better enjoy my summer while I can.

I am seriously working the tan this year, that pool membership has paid off skin melanomas be damned. Al had her first swim meet this weekend--yeah it was 98 degrees and I don't mean the rock pop boy sensation group. It is HOT. Anyway, she came in last or next-to-last in all 3 races, and I was worried she might have felt less than fantastic, but when she got out of the water she said, "Did you see me mom? I finished!!!" I'm so glad she was not throwing an Official Al Hissy Fit about it, and I was so proud of her.

Well I must hurry the computer whore is figuring me out...hopefully I will be able to write more soon!! I missed both self/stuff portrait days and everything. Sigh.

Turkey cookie

I was so scared, Al. I was scared that it was going to hurt (and it did!) but I was also scared about bringing home a human being. What did I get myself into??

The first few months were awful. I cried, you cried, it was miserable. I wondered if I'd ever bond with you like all the other mothers had told me I would. You were a little stranger to me, and I loved you, but I felt like I was doing something wrong to make you cry all the time.

Eight years have gone by and it seems like yesterday I was holding you, rocking you, trying to get you to sleep.

I wish I could go back in time and tell that young mom, holding the screaming baby, that it would be alright, and that her daughter turns out wonderful, and that the bond she'll have with that baby will be like nothing else she's ever experienced. That although she will never lose that feeling in her stomach when her daughter is out of her sight, all of the laughter you share together will be the sweetest feeling in the world.

Happy 8th birthday my little fish. I love you Al, more than you'll ever know.

Crazy 4 U

Things that may or may not have happened in the last week:

* My mother called my husband on Father's Day to thank him for "impregnating my daughter 9 years ago"

* We met the Kool-Aid Man

* I paid $2 to go see J.Lo punch Jane Fonda

* Saw a woman run into a tree with her rental car

* Had a 5-year-old tell me she was better than my daughter cuz her mommy drives a Mercedes

* My daughter was involved in a trampoline accident and had to locate her friend's bloody tooth for proper recovery; somehow she was unscathed but the 2 other girls were ER visits

* I ran the Susan Komen 5K Race for the Cure and didn't pass out

* Had no Internet for a week, 36 emails and 32 of them were for Viagra.

Top 5 things I did while my computer was down

5. Cried.

4. Lied in a fetal position rocking back and forth.

3. Yelled and screamed, then yelled some more.

2. Got frisky with the old man.

and the #1 thing I did while my computer was down:

1. Watched "100 top Kid Stars" on VH1. And I am here to bitch and TOTALLY disagree with their #1 pick. If you're gonna do a top somethin' list, dammit you'd better get it right.

Feet

Well since it is Tuesday I will just say one thing about feet: It took me several years before I would allow my husband to even TOUCH my feet. That is all. take care of your feet, please.

I would like to talk about BUGS however. I am one of the apparent minority of women who have no problem with our insect friends. Bugs, spiders, creepy crawlies of any kind, do not faze me in one bit. Mice, the non-Mickey kind, freak me the hell out, but that is a story for another day. But bugs are my friends. Ever since I saw Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, I thought it would be cool to eat spaghetti with bugs. I haven't yet, but it's still on my list of things to do.

Anyway, the bug world must be ticked (ha...er, sorry) off that I don't show them the respect they deserve, and that I do not bow to their ickiness by not being afraid, that they have chosen to TORMENT me in the most annoying way possible. They go for the orifices. And this affliction has been passed on to my children, as I have taught them NOT to be afraid of bugs.

Be afraid of bugs. Be very, very afraid.

Last summer I was working at my church picnic when a BUG flew into my ear. He could have made it easier on all of us by flying OUT of my ear, but instead chose to BURROW INTO my ear, thus causing me to completely go insane for about 5 minutes. Have you ever heard flitting and the feeling of a foreign object going straight for your brain? Well this was it. After much freaking and visiting several levels of hell, I finally squeezed on my upper jaw and ew... the dead bug and much of his insides came slurping out. Now, it hurt like HELL but seriously, how do you tell that story without the person hearing the story laughing hysterically at how ridiculous it sounds? You can't. It is ridiculous.

Yesterday, while at the pool, another malicious and obviously unhappy with our family embracing the species instead of fearing them, decided to attack my oldest daughter. Ooh but this guy was MUCH unhappier about our resistance to their authority. He was like the Grand Poobug of Making the Humans Fear Us because he aimed right. for. her. Special. Purpose.

Yep, he crawled right up there and ZZZZT stung her once. She starts flailing and freaking out! "There's a bug in there! Ah! Ah!" and in front of God and all the other pool members (assuming God has a pass) she starts pulling her suit off, as she should have. I covered her with a towel and tried to get the damn bug out of her swim suit. But I failed.

I got her up to the bathroom and the lifeguard brought the First Aid kit. That mothergrabbing insect bit her 5 times!! All of them millimeters from her very tender spot. God it must have hurt like hell. I put some After Bite on it and she felt better, but dammit when we got down to the pool she FEARED the bugs. "They will get me again, Mommy. I know it."

So all of you bugs out there listening, YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG KID. YOU WILL BE GOING DOWN IN A BLAZE OF RAID AND OFF AND CITRONELLA AND DDT IF I CAN FIND IT. I WILL NOT BOW DOWN TO YOUR SPECIES!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!!!!!

But let's not bring the mice into this, okay?

IMG_0508

IMG_0508
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Sunset from my friend's house...since my computer is acting crazy I don't know how often I will be able to blog this week...LP is getting more memory next week so I may have to wait until then...so for now enjoy this!!

Second child

Rug musings, part 1,532,234:

R: "Mom! Tomorrow is my DANCE RECITAL!"

Me: "Yes! I know honey!"

R: "Mom! This day is ALL ABOUT ME. Not Daddy. Not Alex. Not Mommy. JUST ME."

Oh boy I think we have a little J.Lo on our hands.

PB

PB
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Stuff Portrait Friday---

1. Thing I want more of
2 Thing I want LESS of.
3. Thing I'm totally satisfied with.

Peanut butter! We're out of peanut butter!!!!! I WANT MORE!!

FAT

FAT
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Yeah I want less of those numbers on the scale. Not lesser feet, people. And no I'm not insane enough to show the Internet what numbers are ON the scale. I love you Internet, but even lovers need to have a few secrets!

lovah SPF what I'm satisfied with

IMG_0446
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

After 8 1/2 years of ass-grabbin' fun, my marriage is perfect where it is today. It took us a lot of work to get here, but I've never been happier.

Ants marching

Sorry sorry sorry I was unable to do SPD today, I was gone almost all day doing Kid Chores. ya know, dragging them around to Kid Commitments buying Kid paraphenalia and practicing for Kid Recital that resulted from several weeks of Kid Lessons. What I mean was, yo I was busy.

but anyway if you look a few posts ago at my GINORMOUS monitor then you will find where I do my blogging. It is usually when I'm transcribing and I need to take a break from the stories of rashes and erectile dysfunctions and mucous and all those pretty things. You would never believe how many people go to the doctor having onychomycosis (toe fungus, basically).

The soccer drama is still ensuing, hopefully it will clear itself up as quick as that toe fungus does. Then I can focus my pursuits elsewhere, like blogging!

Tomorrow, gals and boys I will definitely be participating in the Self Portrait Friday.

My husband thinks I should put a picture of HIM up there, as he believes I always need more of him, but sometimes less of him but still love him the way he is. I could do that, but I'm not.

Also, I need to come up with a better nickname for him so I don't have to keep typing out his name. I could call him AHH!!--Ah the Hot Husband. Or I could call him TGWIAPM--that guy who is always poking me--but people might take 'poking' the wrong way and think he's some sort of pervert. And plus, that's more letters than are in his real name so that would be pointless. Hmm, let me ponder that one.

At any rate, see you tomorrow!!

top 5 songs for a rainy day like today

5. "Sexual Healing" Marvin Gaye
4. "Time after Time" Cyndi Lauper
3. "I can't make you love me" Bonnie Raitt
2. "Slip Slidin Away" Paul Simon

and the number one song for a rainy day like today...

1. "Into the Mystic" Van Morrison

But, you will learn, I will pick that as my #1 song in ALL categories. It is universally my favorite song.

No more drama

Today's blog is brought to you by the letters D, R, A, M and A. Why? Why must be there be drama?? I hate it. I run away from it, screaming with my arms flailing AiiiEEEEE no drama.

But still. There it is. Everywhere.

Especially when it comes to sports. Eh. I hate the sport parents drama!!

IT IS JUST A GAME. Your son/daughter will not lose everything if they do not do well on their soccer/tennis/bocce/bowling/baseball/pingpong/MahJohng/Bangagong game. None of this will matter in 20 years. Remember Al Bundy in Married with Children? Yeah, he was on his football team in high school. NOW HE SELLS SHOES.

I can't handle the drama in soccer parents. Around here, soccer is The. Sport. I put Al in in kindergarten, thinking she would like it. FOR FUN. By 1st grade there was already pressure about going 'select'. I can't stand it!! What is it that turns normal, well-meaning parents into these hounds of hell? Why does it always turn into, "My kid is better than you"?? Ohhh the drama.

I am going right now to iTunes and downloading that Mary J. Blige song. I need me some dancing around the house. Then I will play Polly Pockets with Rug and THAT my friends is the only 'drama' I need to be around!!! :)

Ya ya ya boom deay

Is everyone in the world reading "Ya-Yas in Bloom"?? It seems like every blog I read it comes up. Well, I finished it and would love to hear what others thought of it. I am also in desperate need of a good pool book this summer--ah my kids are finally old enough where I can watch them from outSIDE the pool--so any suggestions would greatly be appreciated. Thanks.

I read on Susie's site that today's topic is love, and what it is. I do believe several songs have been written on said subject, hell, most of them are, except for that one about prison sex from Tool, I'm fairly certain that's not about love. Anyway. Dee-Lite has "What is Love" and so does Haddaway. I guess no one out there can truly figger it out. I thought that little naked girl and boy from the 70s seemed to have an idea, at least.

Love to me is so many things. It's doing the dishes, making dinner, giving your loved one the last cupcake even though you really, really want it. It's waking up for feeding time, planning a surprise date, sending a funny email.

I do believe the more love you give the more you will get in return.

As far as love goes, I knew nothing of it before I had kids. Loving your husband is one thing, a passionate love. But when I instantly knew I loved my baby, it was all encompassing. You can tell my husband his feet smell, but if you tell my daughter that I will cut you.

My favorite love in pop culture:

Love in the movies: I know, I cannot get over my poor 80s movie affliction, but the scene in "Say Anything" with Lloyd Dobler holding that boombox up in the rain is OOZING lovelovelove. How many girls instantly got a crush on John Cusack from that one scene?

It's a Wonderful Life...George is surrounded by people who have donated their own money to him to save his building and loan...friends who loved him and cared for him. I have seen friends gather around when someone is down and it is a tremendous, emotional event.

Love on TV: I don't watch a lot of TV, so I'm just going to say the Love Boat really kicked ass when I was little. Charo must've known a lot about love.

Love in music: Hands down one song sums up my feelings, "Somebody" by Depeche Mode:

I want somebody to share share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side and give me support
And in return she'll get my support
She will listen to me when I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out and won't easily be converted
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares for me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who helps me see things in a different light
All the things I detest I will almost like
I don't want to be tied to anyone's strings
Im carefully trying to steer clear of those things.
And when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around and kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'd get away with it...

okay great song. But I do have to say, that putting your arms around me when I'm sleeping will eventually cause me to kick you because I need my SPACE man.

And last of all, Love on SNL. The late great Chris Farley had a chance to interview the great Paul McCartney and it went down like this:

Chris Farley: Right. I think we.. I think we got time for one more question. Uh.. remember when you were in The Beatles? And, um, you did that album Abbey Road, and at the very end of the song, it would.. the song goes, "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"? You.. you remember that?

Paul McCartney: Yes.

Chris Farley: Uh.. is that true?

Paul McCartney: Yes, Chris. In my experience, it is. I find, the more you give, the more you get.

Chris Farley: (Ecstatic, starts to point at Paul and mouth "AWESOME!)

Yep. Awesome.

I am From

Totally ripped off HDL. I thought her poem was beautiful, and it wasn't even personal to me.

I am From: by Vajana

I am from orange-colored Trimline phones, from Marboloros and Handee Wipes.
I am from the old, brown house on the hill with the screened-in backporch and ripe tomatoes in the garden, where the doors were never locked and the color once was green.
I am from the rhubarb, the lilacs, the honeysuckle bush.
I am from camping in the summer, and trivia nights and baseball games, from Mildred and Sally, Davidson and Wessel.
I am from clean houses and cluttered basements.
From playing it by ear and because I said so.
I am from Catholics and Protestants, from baptisms and confirmations, from uniforms and strict rules, from guilt for eating a hamburger on a Friday.
I'm from Illinois, Germany, Ireland and America, from dad's popped popcorn to mom's chocolate pudding with the layer on top.
From the man who cries at Field of Dreams, the woman who still longs for Hawaiian sunsets, the brother that thought he'd become Indiana Jones, from grandmothers who smelled like Estee Lauder and baked pies especially for me, and a grandpa who loved his Burmuda shorts, and one I never got to meet.
I am from high closets I can never reach, from a top drawer of an antique dresser, from memories staring back at me now.

top 5 random--but odd--things I saw this weekend

5. Flipped up collars on teenagers. LP pointed this one out. At a local carnival, they were there in droves and several had the ol' Izod flipped collar up. I couldn't believe it and had to walk over and see if the young ones were wearing Polo as well. If they were, it had disintegrated into Midwest sweaty teenage juice.

4. Old man on bike obsessed with Tigger. Remember when Harley guys were Hell on Wheels and could tear your ass a new ass? well now they enjoy the bouncey-trouncey T-I double Grrr! This 'hog' was adorned with several renderings of the lovable creature, aww.

3. Mohawk on 4-year-old. did I mention we were at a carnival.

2. Boy on bicycle doing a wheelie down the street with Joe Boxer underwear on. They were leopard print. He took a bow when he was done. Did I mention I live in Middle America?

and the top random and really odd thing I saw this weekend:

1. Old carnie giving baby a bottle behind the Ferris Wheel. Cuz dem carnie babies got to grow up strong so they too can get a chance at the glory that is Carnival.

I forgot to put up Al's room!

Younger daughter's room. I have forbade her from getting any more stuffed animals ever in her life. They're taking over!! 

Our CD collection, which does not include the disks we've burned, those are somewhere else in the house. I've displayed the one CD that is essential to all CD collection, Rick Springfield's Greatest Hits. 

Introducing the World's Largest Monitor, which of course was a hand-me-down. And yes, Kristine, that is a Rams sticker on our CD case--but that's my husband. I'm a baseball fan. 

Jerri Blank

My favorite SWC quote:

You know, I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. Then I laughed… really hard.

That is all.

Overheard

My father is one of the most pure, innocent souls around. He still believes in Santa Claus, the goodness of others and that politicians are honest. He is a true 50s Pleasantville throwback.

The other night I went to my parent's house for a BBQ and we were looking at his old high school yearbook. He went to an all boy's school, and as I was leafing through it, I asked my father,

"Was there a lot of man love?"

Since it has been mentioned numerous times on this site that I suck, and I oftentimes say the wrong thing, what I MEANT to say to my father, what I was trying to inquire, was whether or not the men bonded more without the fear of the fluffy, often times insane prowess of women lurking in the hallways. You know, the gggrrrr stuff that men usually obtain thru football, poker and drinking or a mixture of the 3.

I thought LP was going to fall over he was laughing so hard.

THIS, the same guy that told my MOTHER, June Cleaver personified, that he played the SKIN flute in his high school band.

SPD transportation

My kickass Roller blades
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

The theme this week for Self Portrait day was Transportation so I decided to 'roll with it' heh. This is my favorite mode of getting from point A to point B unfortunately rollerblades do not have back seats for the kids, a DVD player and satellite radio like my other main mode of transportation, the Kickass KSHE Grand Caravan, does. Oh well.

Error Proof

Yesterday I took the girls to Subway for a bite to eat. Upon walking back to the car, I saw an EPT stick lying in the parking lot. Having had experience with pregnancy tests in the past, I could not supress my urge to go and see what the results were. (and I had an immediate sense of having to pee)

Well the results were negative. So the question remains, how did a used EPT test stick end up lying in the parking lot of Subway?

Those subs are fresh. They're delicious. Their new slogan should be, "They're so delicious you won't even need to know what your pregnancy test results are. They're THAT GOOD."