In the car today, Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" came on the radio. Alex, knowing FULL WELL that certain sewn primates freak me the hell out (read my profile) starts singing, "SOCK MONKEYS!! Don't cha know you've got a SOCK MONKEY!"
So it is Monday. This week is filled to the brim with activity, so stay tuned as I may not be blogging a lot. But if I don't, you can always entertain yourself by visiting here or here.
It was a pretty eventful weekend. Friday night, we actually had a babysitter! That makes twice in one week we had a babysitter without obligation. Unbelievable. The last time that happened was like, 2002. LP (that's my husband) and I went out for sushi. The caterpillar roll has been added to my list of things I will be serving when Rick Springfield finally decides to come over for dinner. Afterwards, we couldn't think of anything to do (that is why we haven't been on a 'date' since 2002!) but chose to go play darts. We met due to playing darts, which I have not posted about it yet. Anyway, I BEAT him 166-0 and that my friends never happens. Small victory for me, I can hold on to that for awhile at least.
We met up with our good friends Aaron and Phil, who are visiting from Arizona. They moved there a few years ago and have left us unentertained since. I haven't laughed that much in a long time.
The rest of the weekend was spent like a Lowe's commercial...installing ceiling fans, chipping off bathroom tile, steam cleaning carpets. And there was no Frank or Doug or Hildy helping ME out.
Today we are heading to the Magic House, which promises lots o' magic for us. Good times. Tomorrow I get to take a barium swallow, which gives my husband plenty of reasons to say the word 'swallow' over and over again...I am starting this week also transcribing for a psychatric hospital, my first 'real' job since I got my certificate, it will be fantastic. Thursday we are leaving for Holiday World, hooray!!! This place looks exactly like what Wally World was. Who says we can't have fun in the Midwest?? Right??? RIGHT???
*And understand, I'm still not grown up so who knows what is in my future!!
5. Psychologist contributor to "Teen" magazines. I thought this was such a great gig, answering the q/a column of a teen girl magazine, philosophizing on such things as, "Why doesn't he like me?" and "What should I do if he asks me to go down there?" and "What's this funky smell?"
4. Cartoon character voice. Totally inspired by Trixie. And Smurfette.
3. Writer. Well I can say I do this, if 'writer' includes to-do lists and signing my name on all my daughter's corrected math pages.
2. Mermaid. Still working on this one.
and the number 1 thing I wanted to be when I grew up:
1. Horror film makeup artist. This is thanks to having an older brother with a subscription to "Fangoria" magazine. I thought putting fake skin on people and turning them into Freddy Krueger was the coolest thing ever. Too bad I decided to go to college to get a psychology degree instead. I could've been the chick putting fake blood on Drew barrymore. Okay, well maybe I made the right choice.
There's been quite a lot going on lately so my blogging hasn't been stellar, but I had to post about my dream last night. I woke up thinking, WTF was that???
I was taking a tour of a candy factory *(*this stemming from a conversation with Alex earlier in the day where she said Charlie and the Chocolate factory should be called the CANDY factory and she thought it was false advertising since Nerds are more popular than Wonka bars, go figure) . Several women and I got onto this funnel-shaped 'ride' that actually turned out to be a taffy puller and one of the women got caught in the taffy and swept away. After the ride we all realized the owner was some maniacal cannibal making people into candy (Soylent Green!!).
All I remember was the taffy was like a light green-blue.
I guess this whole Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka is really freaking me out. I'd much rather see Jack Sparrow back, personally.
I am horrible, just awful at keeping secrets. Do not bother telling me one, it's fruitless. It is not due to the fact that I like to spread around other people's secrets, it's that I am the WORST liar in the universe and if someone were to call me on a secret, I would explode right then and there. Someone told my mother once that I could never win at poker with my facial expressions. Really, I just can't lie. I tried lying the other night to LP about a movie I'd purchased and didn't want him to know about it, but the instant he said, "What are you watching?" I couldn't hide it.
"I'm sorry! I bought a movie! I didn't want you to know!!!" Of course he just laughs at me.
There is one secret I've kept from my family for over 8 years now and i wonder if I will ever tell them. I'm pretty amazed that I was able to keep it this long, and it's not a secret that would damage anyone or myself, it's just something I think was personal and didn't involve anyone else. So I've got that to hang on to at least!!
Maybe I should keep my undying love for Rick Springfield a secret, but I don't.
this is the best theme ever, and also turned out to be more difficult than I thought!! Thanks to Kristine, our topic this week for Stuff Portrait day was the 80s: a pic of myself, something I still own from the decade as well as a CD or DVD. The only pic i could come up with was me in the newspaper in kindergarten, but hopefully I represented the era with the rest of my stuff. Enjoy!!
I do not have a scanner, so all the kickass hair pics I have (when I wasn't grounded from my curling iron) will have to wait for another day. This picture was actually taken in 1978 so I guess I totally blew it didn't I. I redeem myself by looking so damn cute in this picture though! I was doing some SERIOUS praying before our kindergarten Thanksgiving dinner, yo.
I should have waited on this SPD, OR I should have visited my parents this week, because I have a collection of about 20 Smurfs including their mushroom house that would have been perfect for this. But I did find this Garbage Pail Kid in my memory box. Why would I want to remember this?
Inspired by JBo and her love for all things Brady:
Top 5 favorite Brady Bunch episodes*:
*episodes, meaning, no 2-episode stories such as the Wild west or Hawaii cuz, DUH the Hawaii trip was the friggin' end all be all of Bradiness.
5. Mike installs a toll phone in the den. It is utterly ridiculous to think someone would try to do this, and honestly, how often does Cindy need to talk to her friend down the street?
4. Fighting over Trading stamps and how to use them. Okay, first off, I was watching the Bradys in the late 70s and honestly to this day have no idea what the hell trading stamps are anyway. The only stamps I know of are the ones you put on a letter and the ones that the nice woman in front of me hand the cashier at the store. Secondly, I hardly think a CARD TOWER contest is any way to settle anything. But what do I know? I thought it was cool when I was a kid, and didn't understand why my parents didn't do that more often with my brother and me. Mike Brady must've been drinking a lot of whisky in that 'office' of his.
3. Volcano Lava episode. I can't remember what happened in this episode exactly, but I do remember that someone (Bobby?) had a model he was working on for school of a volcano that spewed out lava all over Marcia and her cheerleader friends. Then my knack for sexual innuendo was born.
2. Amusement park mix-up. I never realized that architects kept their important blueprints in the exact same white containers as carnies put their cute bear posters in. Now I know.
and MY favorite Brady Bunch episode of all time:
1. UFO sighting! This is not the conventional favorite, but for me it was an epiphany of sorts. the idea was that Greg was pranking Peter and Bobby using a WHISTLE to sound like a UFO and using a Frisbee or something on wires in the backyard. Watching this as a kid, my brother and I were so amazed that there was such a whistle out there in existence that could emanate such a noise. We were excited, because we wanted THAT WHISTLE. What fun could be had by having a whistle that powerful!! Not soon after that did we realize the art of television trickery and learned the sound was dubbed in. Thus began my skepticism of TV I guess. But at any rate, the episode is hilarious, like Greg has the time in his busy Johnny Bravo schedule to come up with such an elaborate scheme that the FBI is actually called out to investigate!!
I have a show that LP and I now watch religiously every week. This is a big deal for me, as I don't like much television and rarely settle my ADD down enough to watch an entire show. I'm usually doing something else, but of course now I have this wonderful blogging addiction so I've got that going for me. Yet I digress.
The show is entitled "30 days" and it was created by Morgan Spurlock, the wonderful individual who brought to us the movie "Super Size Me". If you haven't seen that, well before you stop off at the nearest drive-thru you might want to pick that up first.
The idea is, for 30 days, either he or someone else recruited for the ride, will do something for 30 days that is out of their realm of comfortability (is that even a word?). So far he's lived on minimum wage, had a Christian live with a Muslim family, had a 30-something guy go on hormone therapy, a devout homophobe live in San Francisco with a gay man, and two fun-loving New Yorkers live on an eco-village all for 30 days.
The latter episode was on last night. These two individuals, experiments if you will, had to live on this commune, with only solar power, no meat, growing their own food, building a house with MUD, heating their showers with fire, and sustaining only from what Mother Nature has provided.
When I was in junior high and big bangs were all the rage, I left my curling iron all day one time. My dad grounded me from my curling iron for ONE WEEK. Do you have any idea what it was like going to school without my big bangs? Torture!!
So imagine having no power, no blowdryer, no 'products', no hot shower and NO water in the terlet.
I could barely stand a week without a curling iron, I doubt I would have survived.
Yet all of these people were able to conform to their surroundings and accept the conditions.
I'd like to see, for 30 days:
People who are rude to waiters/waitresses, having to work at a restaurant
My mother go without running a vacuum cleaner
Paris Hilton with no one caring where she goes or what she does (oh...wait, nevermind)
Sports parents playing, practicing and hearing their kids berate them as they do
A teenager living without cell phones, PDAs, etc. like I did in the 80s--listening only to tapes!
A movie celebrity staying at home with their children with no nannies or help, and then taking the WHOLE family to one of their movies, buy them popcorn and soda, based on an one-income family's wages.
Hey I'm all about it if you find something in yo peanut butter, but geez ask the kids about it first before spiking an investigation!!
P.S. This will probably the last peanut butter related story I'll see in the news for awhile.
Last month we told you about a St. Charles woman who made a startling discovery in her jar of Jif peanut butter. In a NewsChannel 5 follow up, the test results are in. We now know what scientists say that object was.On June 27th, we spoke to Patt Holt, after she noticed something in her jar of Jif. She told us, "I reached the spoon all the way to the bottom to get a nice big glop and pulled up that."It was small and gray and covered with peanut butter. At the time, Patt suspected it was a mouse. She had professional pictures taken, hired a lawyer, and had a representative from the FDA over to inspect.From there, she handed the object over. J.M. Smucker, the parent company of Jif wanted to have it tested in a lab. Soon after, the lab results came back. They found the object in the peanut butter wasn't animal. It wasn't vegetable. It was fruit: Specifically an apple.
They determined that there were no bones, just a stem. And there was no fur, just mold. Beyond that, they believe someone put that apple in the jar. Herman says, "There wasn't much peanut butter on the apple, and that's why we were able to determine that those pieces of apple were introduced after that jar was opened."
We spoke to Patt Holt by phone about the results. She was advised by her lawyer not to comment. She does, however, say she is unlikely to pursue the matter any further.
the other day I was in a dressing room and some woman's cell phone started ringing. But when I say 'ringing' I actually mean 'making incoherent sound' because it was supposed to be a ringtone but sounded more glarbity garblely. What is the point of having a cool ringtone if you can't even recognize the song??
When we got our last cell phones, they were the first ones we've had that gave the option of personalized ringtones. Before I just had 4 tones to choose from, and I think one of them was Brahm's lullaby. So when anyone called I would immediately get sleepy and want to get off the phone, so I guess that helped me save my minutes. But when I was presented with such an array of different ringtones, my head was swimming!! Who wouldn't want to answer the phone when Randy jackson says, "Yo dawg, pick up the phone." The options were endless.
But in the end, I only have 2 ringtones on my phone, and I only use one of them. The first one I got was "You dropped the Bomb on me" by the Gap band, but when I play it, it sounds like glarbity garble so I don't even bother. The one I normally use is the Peanuts song, and it never fails to get smiles from other people. (Everyone has a fondness for balding children with psychiatric problems)
What do you have on your cell phone? OR what would you want to have??
Running a little late on the postings today. Today was the Day of Waiting. I waited in line at the post office to return a package that was sent to the wrong address and ended up on my doorstep, only to learn it was UPS. I waited at the grocery store, but that was OK because the cashier was pleasant and I got some crumb cakes. I waited at the hospital because I took Al in for an x-ray, which was totally not on the agenda for today but still I waited. I guess she's fine because I WAITED and no one came out ever to tell me if she's broken so I guess she ain't. (I would've kept her anyway) Then I promised her that since her last fishies found the drain (all drains lead to the ocean) I'd get her a new one SO I waited at Petzmart for two. fishies. Then I waited for the toaster oven to cook my Tater Tots and then I ate them. So that's it in a nutshell.
I've never been really great at costumes but the two best costumes I ever had were:
1. 6th grade--my dad (the Teacher) had a novel idea that since it was 1986 and since EVERYONE knew it was the centennial of the Statue of Liberty, I should honor her with dressing like her for Halloween. okay, first of all, I was really too old to be trick-or-treating anyway, but somehow I got roped into it and it turned out pretty cool although I had to draw the line when Dad wanted the silver metallic paint he'd just used to paint my brother's boxcar to be applied to my FACE, but I did win some contest. And yet there is no photographic evidence whatsoever of this.
2. 2001--Both my daughters were loving the 101 Dalmatians so they dressed up like the dogs and I was Cruella de Vil and LP was Jasper, the dog-nabber. I kept forgetting that I was dressed up and I kept seeing kids I knew and freaking them the hell out. I had the wig and all, and I would see a kid and say, "Helllllloooooo" and they would run screaming. I felt bad but it felt gooooood. Of note, I have a very ROUND face and Cruella is pretty pointy so that didn't work out so well for me but it was still lots of fun.
You can tell the difference in my daughters' personalities by their choices of costumes:
Al: Tigger, Scooby-Doo, dog, Powerpuff Girl, butterfly, cat, witch, pirate Rug: dog, Sleeping Beauty, Tinkerbell, and her choices for this year are either Belle or Jasmine
Top 3 best costumes I've ever seen: 3. In college, some girl got a white garbage bag, stuffed it with paper and called her self 'white trash' 2. At a party, this guy had the best Frankenberry costume, handmade of course. 1. If you know what an afro and a purple Lakers jersey on a white guy look like, then you know it's none other than Mr. Babar, with two b's, but not right next to each other.
Here is what I'm going as this year!!! you're my only hope, yeah I know I'm a geek.
You can't tell very well from this picture, but the people who built my house put this door on BACKWARDS. The screen is on the INSIDE instead of the outside. Who is stupider--the builder or us for not realizing it until after we bought the house?
Every year my daughter's school has an annual fundraising auction. Last year, one of the things up for bid was a 'pig roast'. This consisted of people coming to your house, cooking a PIG, with all the fixins including beer, and you provide the good times.
last year about 20 families went in on it, and it was a fantastic time. This year we did the same.
Last year there were lap dances, chicken fights, and lots of crazy shenanigans.
This year it is on Saturday.
Last year they hired a babysitter to watch all the kids.
This year, it is NO KIDS ALLOWED.
I have already made up a contract for my husband to sign stating I will NOT clean up after his drunken ass, I will NOT think it is funny when he pees in the koi pond, and I will ABSOLUTELY NOT be making out with the other soccer moms.
Yesterday the SciFi channel had a Twilight Zone marathon. My husband (who will now be referred to as LP, for really funny reasons but that would certainly not be as funny if I retold it) thought it would be a good idea for my 5-year-old to watch with him.
I told him there would be a threesome in our bed later but not the kind he would prefer.
however she did wait until he got up for work this morning before she crawled in saying she not only had a nightmare but "4, really worst dreams ever".
I didn't mind though, because when she woke up I was in the midst of my own nightmare, consisting of treehouses, napalm and Good Housekeeping magazines.
Holy crap I still can't believe Pink Floyd reunited. That performance was brilliant. And of course they played "Wish you Were Here" which is on my top 5 of favorite songs ever. Oh my I am getting verklempt.
Thank God we Tivo'd it so I can watch it over and over and over.
In an interview, Roger Waters stated a reunion tour was "highly unlikely" and that this was a one-time thing, but he also added, "never say never".
I will hold on to that "never say never" as tightly as I can for a long, long time!!
We took the girls down to Fair STL today to see "Raven" in concert. We sat under the Arch. They blocked off one of the bridges over the Mississippi to traffic, so we walked over, watched the Air show and got some grub. It was an absolutely fantastic day.