Wednesday, March 28, 2007

trying to keep up

Just trying to keep my ahead above water. This is a pic of Miss M with my NEW camera, the Canon S3. I researched it pretty indepth, I think I made a good choice. I certainly won't be winning any photography awards, but at least I can say I made an honest effort to take pictures of my third child. Because no, I have not cracked open her baby book yet. Uh, I actually have no idea where it is. Wait, does she even HAVE a baby book?

My friend's mom died Sunday. I was there for awhile, it was pretty sad. When I was in high school, my friend moved away to live with her dad, and her mom became my surrogate mother, taking me to dinner, to parties, etc. She was just a lot of fun to be around. I will miss her.

LP has been diagnosed certifiably crazy, as he agreed to coach Rug's softball team. WTF? Because we have all this free time. At least I can look forward to our beach vacation in late May. I need the beach. The beach, it may not need me in my post-baby body, but too effing bad!

Just got done reading "You'll never Nanny in This Town Again"
I was pretty disappointed. I loved the Nanny Diaries, and this was not it. The author, who, granted, was a young kid when she nannied for Debra Winger and Danny DeVito, relays the idiosyncrasies of the Hollywood elite. And though I'm sure she witnessed a lot of pretentiousness and vulgarity, she comes off more as an immature spoiled brat who doesn't conform to her surroundings. But in the end of the book she does realize this and makes a future for herself as a nurse. In my opinion though, read Nanny diaries, it's much better.

Al's addiction to books and reading is astonishing yet frightening...she reads constantly. At school her AR goal is 12 points for the quarter, she already has over 100. I'm a little worried about her reading level...she is a month or so away from reading "Are you There God? It's Me Margaret" and I will most definitely have to stick my head in oven when that occurs.

Have a great week!

Thursday, March 22, 2007


I just finished writing up a post about yesterday and the Blogger Bitch erased it. In a nutshell, I had planned on getting Miss M's 4 month pictures taken yesterday, and blogging, and doing a lot of other things yesterday. Instead, my friend called to tell me her mom had taken a bad turn and if I wanted to say goodbye i had better come to the hospital.

Have I mentioned cancer sucks? Yeah, it really, really does.

So I spent the day crying in the ICU trying to figure out what the hell kind of cruel joke it is that she was dying when my friend is 5 months pregnant.

Here's a picture of the Divine Miss M at around 3.5 months. She turned 4 mos. yesterday, but I don't have a digital camera as LP dropped ours in Vegas. In a fit of being fed up with not having a camera I went ahead and purchased a Canon S3 yesterday, so it should be coming to my house in the next few days. I promise I plan on taking a class to use it so I don't look like a total schmuck when I use it.

I have nothing profound to say, but after reading many people and their losses and heartbreaks in the blog world, all I can offer is at least for today try to forget those little is short and every second you are angry is one less spent being happy.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

March blahs

I'm getting really irritated with the weather here. It was 75 degrees yesterday and beautiful. Today it's like 45. Make up your damn mind.

This pic was taken after our ceremony with our 'wedding coordinator' who ended up getting lots of our money that were meant for the slot machines. Right before snapping this picture, my friend J yelled, "Oh my gosh what is that in her bouquet!" prompting the guy to look at them, but in the picture making it look like he was checking out my rack. But oh, what a sweet rack it is. I'm sure that was a bonus for him.

Rug was completely ECSTATIC about the leprechaun note. She totally freaked. I'm sure I'm on the sh*t list of every mother in 1st grade whose kid came home to tell about Rug's discovery. I'm sure I was cussed at least once when they wanted to capture a leprechaun as well. Hey, blame the teacher, not me. I just went with it.

Last night they replayed Game 7 of the NLCS against the Mets. I was asleep at the time of Molina's hit, so it was really nice to re-live fully cognizant.

My little Divine Miss M will be 4 months old tomorrow. She is doing well. Of course I am now typing this one-handed as I'm feeding her!

Tomorrow I will try my best to participate in TKW's Dubya Wednesday. My subject will probably be Weight (and I shall lose it).

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Because I don't have enough to worry about

Friday Rug brought home a decorated shoe box proclaiming this was her Leprechaun Trap. The shoebox was meticulously decorated with pom poms, pipe cleaners (My enemy!), feathers, and other staple 1st grade art supplies. She informed me that they had made the Trap on Thursday, and when they arrived on Friday, leprechaun tracks were scattered throughout the room. But tonight, she told me, she would trap a leprechaun.

Oh my, I thought. I was not at all prepared for this.

She diligently went to work, reinventing her trap so it would entice any unknowing Leprechaun better than any trap ever created. She shut the door to her room when she did it, so no one in her family could know the secrets of the magnificence she was creating. We were not to be trusted with such brilliance.

When she came out, it was a sight to behold. She had cut a leprechaun sized hole in the top, but covered it with brown construction paper so the leprechaun would not know there was a hole underneath!! Directly above the hole she had stuck a plastic pot of gold stick she had kept from atop of the cupcake she'd gotten from her St. Patrick's Day party. Surrounding the pot of gold she had numerous arrows and tiny signs that exclaimed, "Glod! Glod!" It reminded me of the hotel "Beetlejuice" was living in when he was trying to get Lydia to say his name, the arrows in big bold neon--"GLOD! GLOD!!"

She allowed me to open up the shoe box, and it was a sight to behold. She had glued a sucker onto the bottom, and in the corner she placed several feathers and a sheet of paper lie on top. "What is this?" I asked.

"It's his bed. I want him to be comfortable. Plus look, the sucker will totally trap him. Leprechauns LOVE candy!"

I then inquired about the several 'signs' she had glued onto the inside of the box that said, "Sorry!" and "I love you SO much".

She replied, "Well, I feel bad about having to trap him. So I want him to feel loved."

I asked her what she planned on doing with him when she caught him, and she said she was going to keep him as a pet.

Yesterday morning, there was no leprechaun. The fact that little Miss M has a chest infection and mom was up all night may have been a factor in this, as perhaps leprechauns hate the sound of babies crying.

As reported by Al, apparently Rug was very, very disheartened by this.

This morning when she wakes up, she will find a note from the leprechaun and a half-eaten sucker telling her she almost caught herself a leprechaun, but he was too wiley and got away.

I'm sure she will think he found some glod somewhere else.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

When it rains...

My very good friend's mom just learned she has Stage 4 lung cancer and has months to live.

My friend is having twins in July. She may not get to see them.

LP's grandma just went into the hospital today with shortness of breath, she needs a four vessel bypass.

She refused it.

Life is just too effing short.

All I can is all you jacklegs out there smoking cigarettes just STOP. It is really, really bad for you. Spread the word.

Vajana out.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007


Well I'm officially insane, just like Sting. He said he'd be 'certified insane' if he ever toured with the Police again, and he is.

LP and I are going to see them in July in St. Louis and I just made one of the wealthiest men in Britain richer.

I'm still reeling at how much the tickets were, but I've got my priorities. Not clothes, shoes, expensive cars, just concert tickets. God what a complete dork. At least I'm not investing in comic book conventions--yet anyway.

In other splurge-worthy news, LP and I bought a Total Gym last night. I've been wanting one for a long time, and of course I wanted to tricked out model, but could not afford it (as I had tickets to the Police to buy!). I tried it this morning, and it was a pretty good workout. My goal is to lose 20 'post-baby' pounds by June 1st. I have to be in shape to run in the Susan Komen 5K by June 17. It's not even an option to lose any less. I WILL lose 20 lbs. I have no choice.

Since having Makenna I've been inundated with infomercials at 4 a.m. feedings on TV, and the Total Gym was always one of them, endorsed by none other than Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. In honor of Chuck and his amazing abilities, I will re-post some of the lesser-known Chuck Norris facts:

  1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
  6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
  9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
  10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  12. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  13. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  14. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  15. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Whiners of the Day

Today's post is dedicated to people who have nothing better to do than whine.

Our focus today is the critics of the Pizza Hut Book-It program.

If you are not familiar, Pizza Hut has an incentive program for kids in schools. If they read X amount of books a month, they receive a free pizza, and if they read X amount at the end of the year they get a very cool certificate and recognition from their peers as being a kick ass reader.

NOW though, some wiley folk have decided that it is promoting OBESITY and that we should not be bribing our wee children with food that just may cause them to become fat.

Okay, we all know a lot of pizza is not good for you. We get it.

But first of all, they give you ONE certificate a month, and they expire after that month. So it's not like you can save them all up and have an all out Pizza Bonanza until you puke your guts out. And I'm fairly certain that most parents are not apt to indulge in that much pizza anyway. Americans eat 3 BILLION pizzas a year people. It's not like they aren't eating it.

In the 4 years that my eldest has been in the program, I think we've used the certificates for pizza MAYBE 3 times. Seriously. But I have two types of children. One who reads constantly and I have to yell her name like a recorder over and over again before she acknowledges me, and then I have another child who believes she may catch cooties if she even TOUCHES a book. So the Book-It program has been a proud accomplishment for one child, and a HUGE incentive for my other to read at least 10 books a month.

It's not the pizza that is the incentive. It's getting the certificates. Dumb-asses.

Hm. I think we'll be having pizza for dinner tonight.

Monday, March 05, 2007

hodge Podge

I love going on trips and have a lot of pictures available to add that extra spice to my posts. Just like Emeril adds spices to his creation, I shall do with mine. BAM!

Have I ever mentioned my love of roller coasters? Yep, I'm a big fan of the coasters. I try to ride one every single place we go. This is the Manhattan Express at NY NY in Vegas. It was actually one of the better coasters I've ridden. Great view. I almost didn't even mind that it cost $12 to ride it.

I also rode the "Big Shot" at the top of the Stratosphere. It's not a roller coaster--they used to have one up there but tore it down. My husband has a huge fear of heights so he did not choose to come along. I went with two of my good friends, Aaron & Phil. I've ridden rides like the Big Shot before, just not on top of a large needle-like building. Basically you sit on these chairs around a large pole, with your feet dangling (No flip flops--TKW would have a problem). Then they just thrust you into the air, and you bounce back down to Earth (could I have any more innuendo in this description? Probably not). Here's the view from the top of the ride:

heh heh, no just kidding. But dammit it felt like we were that high.

The ride itself wasn't all that scary. It really wasn't. What was scary was later when I was at home at the computer, and I looked up the Stratosphere on Wikipedia, and learned that I rode a ride that was TWICE THE SIZE as the Gateway Arch. !!!!!!!! WTF!!! Gateway Arch: 630 feet. Stratosphere: 1,149 feet!!!!
I drive by the Arch at least two or three times a month. I KNOW how freaking tall it is. And I was moronic enough to stand outside a building and ride a flippin' unenclosed thrill ride on my own volition.
So needless to say, LP was waiting downstairs afterwards and flatly said to me, "I will NEVER ever allow you to whine or moan about flying in an airplane after you just chose to ride that ride."
Well okay, but it would help if you got me very drunk first.