Monday, December 31, 2007

Bald Tang Zyne

Each day I intend on blogging but it never ends up on the screen. There are a million posts stuck in my head, but they are doomed to be imprisoned in my brain next to all my Brady Bunch knowledge.

So guess what? You know all those newsletters you always get in Christmas cards that you just LOVE to read? Yeah, me too....ok, they are awful, and no one likes to read them. That's why I decided to go ahead and recap the year on my blog today! Because honestly, what else do you have to do, party? Come on. We're old. We don't party any more. I'm having people over tonight and you know what we will probably end up doing? Playing Guitar Hero. Such is my life.

On with the shew...........

JANUARY



Makenna is 2 months old and we pretty much don't do much the entire month. Oh, sure, lots of soccer, but other than that, nada. Even Rug's 7th birthday was pretty much a bore, she'd say so herself! oh but LP took this great picture of me...he is such a great photographer. You can certainly tell his priorities with this one.



FEBRUARY


Gettin' re-hitched in Las Vegas was one of the best times we've had. I am looking forward to going back that's for sure. I must make sure we do stuff that actually should stay in vegas though.

MARCH


March sucked. Guess they all can't be good. At least losing your loved ones allows you to open up and love even more.

APRIL



Oh yay my first Cardinal game in the new stadium! So much fun. Then I become even Steven as Al tells me she hates baseball (thus tearing my heart out and smashing it to the ground) but at the same time Rug starts playing baseball and LOVES it. My heart will go on, Celine. The Cards went on to disappoint this year, but that is OK because Yadier never let me down.

Is anybody still reading? I didn't think so.

MAY


The big soccer win--hey, when you are a soccer Mom, this is the highlight. We also learned on this trip, that it does not matter how many Renuzits you buy, if someone has pretty much soiled or killed something in your hotel room before you, it will not get the smell out. Maybe try Glade.

JUNE


June was a weird, roller coaster month for me. My grandma died, I saw the 'real' side of some friends, I lost my JOB in a sense, and Rug got a major screwdgy, as we call it. On the other hand, we went to Gulf Shores (so fun), Al's birthday was a blast, I lost 15 lbs. and Rug got an even better opportunity than the first. It was almost like an after school special, June. "Life can suck, but it can also turn out rosy in the end!" Or something like that. It's been awhile since I've watched an after school special, so my analogies aren't so hot.

JULY


This is getting harder than I expected. July was hard to recall. I do know I get my first paycheck from my new job and LP framed it. You think I'm kidding, I know, but you've read my blog long enough, right? He's a bit off.

AUGUST



We start buckling down on the house hunting, and come up short. This year will be full of big decisions in that arena. After trying to find our dream home, we have since decided to just build it. I could use some corny "Field of Dreams" bit here, but it's too early in the a.m. for that. Also, in August my kids start back to school and I regain some of the sanity lost from the summer. I cry when Al reads "Are you there God? It's Me Margaret." This may seem trivial to you, but in the span of things it is a HUGE deal to me. For Pete's sake my baby now knows about maxi pads people!!! MAXI PADS! ARGHGHGHGH!

SEPTEMBER


I believe I got to eat some sushi for my birthday, so it must have been a good month. Miss M is all over the place, crawling and trying to walk. It is a darn good thing I don't mail these suckers out at Christmas because I'm awful at it.

OCTOBER


Miss M breaks in 3 teeth in one week. I don't think I could forget that if I tried. We had a trip to Davenport Iowa, which I don't think I could remember if I tried. Although AL's team did get 2nd place overall, so that was cool. Halloween was much better this year, the girls had a blast and I got some good candy, and it is all about me, in case you were wondering. Right now Miss M is putting a wire that may or may not be plugged in into an empty Dr. Pepper can. I might need to intervene. Oh and this month we got a Wii on ebay, which will bring great joy to our kids in December. Also, LP decides to have a mid-life crisis, which is still ongoing and will most likely end in March with the purchase of a new car. I hope.

NOVEMBER



Already a year old?? Well, this picture defines how awesome my life is! Though I would suggest for the 1 year birthday cake to NOT use pink icing, it ends up looking like a bad rash.

DECEMBER



This month brings great snow and a lot of fun chasing the now mobile Miss M around the house. Her favorite activity? Playing with empty Dr. Pepper cans, as previously mentioned. Christmas was one of the best this year. We were able to get everyone exactly what they wanted, whether they knew it or not. And Santa brought a Wii, how crazy is that? I might just have to return the one I bought...

So that is it. 2007 is almost over and I was able to sum it up in one post. Sad? Maybe. Lazy? Definitely.

We are going to be gone soon for Disney World, also making that stop in Atlanta I told you about, and I will try to post but it is not on my New Year's resolution list to spend even MORE time at the computer, so I am not going to bank on it. Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and for Hoss, Rabbit Rabbit and all that.

MWAH!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

This Picture is Not what you Think it Is



At first glance this may look really disgusting, but in reality it's my one year old getting into the snack cabinet and sitting on an opened bag of peanut brittle. Velour pants are very good for keeping the brittle saved for later.




I'd hate to bore you with the going ons in my life, as there is plenty. With all the crazy things going on, my main focus that keeps me sane is our impending (AND ALREADY PAID FOR) trip to Disney World. I'm certainly ready to visit the Happiest Place on Earth that is for sure. I am bummed though, because I learned a few fellow bloggers will be there the week after we are there...that would have been so cool to get to meet them, oh well...I certainly don't plan on this being my last trip there!

LP and I are feeling sort of 'us against the world' lately. I think this comes hand in hand when your children go to a private school and you are surrounded with the same people 24/7. We just need a break from things. Not sure if we are going to make this a permanent break, since LP could possibly be transferred to Atlanta. That is still in the works.

So again, don't want to bore you. Hope the magic of the holidays reaches each and every one of you! (assuming I have more than one reader!)

Monday, December 03, 2007

Back in Black

This is the song that was on the radio this morning my children made me TURN DOWN when I was taking them to school. Oh, the horror! Rug said to me, "Aren't you 34? Well you are acting like a 24-year-old!".

Harumph. They'll be telling me to put on a sweater and shut the door, did I grow up in a barn soon enough!

Miss M has mastered the walking business...well, we are calling her Herman Munster because she walks just like she has cement shoes on. The screaming has become an issue...it's funny yet ridiculous when I take something away from her she lets out this banshee wail that I know the neighbors have to hear. This morning she had a blow out so severe there was poop on her SHOULDERS. I don't even know how that HAPPENS.

Last week was the Christmas Bazaar, in which I am the Grand Mom-pah of. It went much smoother this year, most likely due to not having been in labor the week before like I was last year. Not a good idea. It is over and all the children have loads of lead-filled items to place under the tree.

So this week it will be very, very difficult for anyone to get me out of my sweats. Well...there is one person...but I'm pretty David Beckham is busy this week.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Vomitus



Trying to find a picture of all 3 of the girls has proved impossible...but this pic of Miss M describes the details of my life at this point.

Still trying to get over this thing my doctor has dubbed "just the way Jana is built". I'd love to see him deal with eating a hamburger at a new acquaintance's house and having to immediately use the restroom, and not wanting to destroy any semblance of future invites due to what will go in the restroom, make up a stupid excuse to leave because you want to go home and use your OWN bathroom where all is safe and, well, this is already too much information. I've been trying to adjust my diet and it looks like I'll be eating leaves and bananas for the rest of my life.

The main reason I started this blog was to document the going ons of my family. Shows you how awful I am...Miss M took her first steps last week. Tuesday. She of course, will only take them if I'm on one side and LP is on the other, any other set up and she refuses. Who could blame her? Her steps are hilarious, and she would much rather jump face first into the carpet than move her feet. And she thinks that is So funny. She also got a 'one year old' car seat, so now she can see how bad a driver her Mommy truly is. And, to top the weekend off, she dropped a can of soup on her foot. Painful yes, but fortunately this was the only injury of the week, which was much better than the week before when we called Poison Control twice and a keyboard fell on her head.

Third children, they are tough.

Since this past weekend was a 4 day weekend for the kids, and NO soccer (woo hoo!) I demanded forced family Time and we played "Guesstures" which is basically charades with cards. Rug was on LP's team, but I was helping her with the reading. The card she got said "Vomit" and she chose that. WHen it came to act it out, she started holding her nose and waving her hand near her butt. I looked quizzically at her. Apparently she thought 'vomit' was another word for 'fart'. Yes, I'm teaching them so well.

And lastly, we had Parent Teacher conferences. Both girls got straight A's, but now that Al is in 5th grade she gets on the Honor Roll.

I usually check her homework, but I don't check math anymore as she was getting a few B's on it after I'd checked it. So LP started doing it, and last week when he checked it, she got a 'C'. Well, that didn't fly with him and he had to make sure they were checked correctly, because, God forbid, he be wrong! And, as it turned out, she got 2 right that were marked wrong (by a classmate). in our conference, her teacher brought this up, and told us that Al had told him, "my Dad refuses to be wrong." Hilarious.

At Rug's conference, she had to write a story about why she was thankful for her family. She wrote: "I'm thankful because they always forgive me when I get in trouble."

Oh, no truer words have been said.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Teething babies ain't for wussies

Everyone in the SayQua household is sick. Papa is congested and everyone in the 10 block radius knows about it. When he is sick, the world comes to a screeching, undeniable halt. Tip toeing on feathers and clouds would not be a good enough route to take when he is trying to sleep.

Rug and Al, both begged Mom this morning to let them stay home, due to the sniffles and what not.

Momma said no way, two tests apiece and I ain't studying for them twice. Get ta school. Off they went.

So, through all of this, Momma has been having some serious intestinal problems which may or may not be treated with chalky pink liquids or just being within 4 feet of a lavaratory at any given moment. So severe, Momma is going to a doctor next week for some testin'.

Aye, but I digress.

Miss M has been the toothless wonder long enough, apparently. She has decided in the past week to sprout not one but THREE teeth, back to back. I'm in teething Hell.

Tonight, after all the other SayQuas had taken their Nyquil and settled down for a long seems-like-winter nap, Miss M starts screaming. Wailing. Squealing. For OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF she screams.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and went into LP's den of wooziness (we were in the living room) and woke him up to tell him I wanted to take her to the hospital.

By the time we got to the couch she was FAST ASLEEP.

Sleeping like a baby, as it were.

Now everyone is asleep. But me.

For the record, if anyone asks in the future, this would be the night my downward spiral into insanity began. Yep.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Everybody Hurts

This past week I have been such an Eeyore regarding my situation. I've been very, very sick and therefore have not slept well. LP was out of town so everything was on my shoulders and all in all I was quite irritating to be around.

I was sent this video today on a Professor's Last Lecture.

I don't think it was coincidence. I'm not a fan of Oprah's at all, but I think this guy has the right idea.

I'll be Tigger from now on.

Why wouldn't I be? Look at the goofballs I live with:


Saturday, October 27, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

This weekend is going to be yet another whirlwind. I stayed up late last week to watch "Click" with Adam Sandler, and although it was very cheesy, I could relate to his mind set. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward through things, but I know i'd end up missing a lot. It's hard to slow down and enjoy!

Biggest news out of this weekend...we're going back to Disney World!!!!!! I could burst. LP and I were discussing doing a 'mini-trip' there next year since we're wanting to go on a cruise just the two of us, but want to do a family vacation also...and then Rug got invited to be on a soccer team in a Disney tournament in January!! It's really exciting. We get discount hotel accommodations and Rug gets to play soccer in the Happiest Place on Earth. What more could a soccer Mom ask for?? I'm already working on my strategy because with a 13 month old along things will definitely have to be modified! I have started to write a list of characters I didn't get to see last time that I'm hoping to see again. Oh yeah, it's for the kids...that's right. Whatever! I have already made reservations for a character breakfast. I know, get a life, right? Well, it could be worse...I could be a Yankees fan.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Monday feels like...Monday

Well we are back from Bettendorf, Iowa with 2nd place for Al in a soccer tournament. Saturday morning Miss M woke up before everyone else so I took her to the lobby so the other SayQuas could sleep. On the table was a history of Bettendorf Iowa.

I read it in 20 minutes! :) Not much going on up there!

But it was pleasant, and they had a SUPER Target, one of which I'd never seen the likes of. I in fact was not aware there was such a thing as "Super" Target, so you could imagine my elation. LP enjoyed the "Dick's Sporting Goods" more, and slid a Columbia jacket into my cart whilst I was in the checkout and didn't know it.

A few hours later, there was a homeless man on the side of the road wearing same jacket. Interesting to note. It was on sale.

Also, on our way home, (approx. 4 hours, lots of corn but very pretty as the leaves are changing) our brains now have burned the image of a very large 200+ pound older woman on the side of the road with her pants off apparently having an episode of...well, let's just say she needed to go real bad...I don't know that we shall ever speak of it again.

And last of all, I will leave you with a joke I heard that made me chuckle:

What did Jesus say to the Cubs?

"Don't do anything until I get back"

Friday, October 12, 2007

Not the One and Other Things I am behind on

So disappointed in my house. It was supposed to be the One!! It was by far the worst and cluttered-est floor plan we've seen to date. 5 bedrooms in a ranch is usually not a good idea, especially if you take space from the kitchen to do so. It was awful.

I did not feel defeated however. I know that if it's meant to be, it is meant to be. Both LP and I felt this as a sign that maybe, perhaps, we should stay put. Attempt to rotate the girls sharing a room, since Miss M will be big enough to be in a bed by next year. I asked Al if she thought she could take it, sharing with Rug until Miss M turned 2, and she said 'as long as I don't have to find Caprisun wrappers in the corner every day'. Spoken like a true woman.

We are going to go ahead as planned with trying to sell the house though, after we fix a few more things (such as the drywall). But if more things keep popping up, we will drop it altogether. We are going to give it until March. If Al survives living with rug that long.

*************************************************

Al has recently been obsessed with Harry Potter. When it first came out, she was little so it meant nothing to her, and of course I was chasing a punk baby around so I never read the books. Now Al is reading all the books back to back, and then watching the movies as well. It's all Harry Potter, all the time around here. We are not one to be to date with the trends, people.

Now some boys at school have told her about the Potter Pals, and for days my kids have been belting this nice ditty out 24/7.

It's no wonder I'm slowly losing my marbles.

If that is not enough to satiate your YouTube viewing for the day, you can always check out The SNL Harry Potter skit with Lindsay Lohan. Hee-larious.

I'm outta here this weekend...but be sure that I'll be watching SNL with the Foo Fighters Saturday night...regardless of what time zone I might be in. :)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Lyrical Gangster

My mom gave me the pics from my Yee Haw birthday. Note Bud sign and no shoes on the bambino. Could I get any more Britney? Yes I could...I didn't get my license renewed for over a week after it had expired.

I wish I had time to tell you of the many adventures in House-getting-ready-to sell-but-not-quite-there-yet but it would just take too long and I think you may laugh your sides off. And sides keep you together.

Let me put it to you this way. Even Tim the Tool Man Taylor wore goggles when he drywalled. LP does not. Eye flushing was a huge part of our weekend.

last week my realtor sent me a new listing and I had a feeling about it. I drove out to see it, and it is my house. It is a new build, but we are still going to see the inside tomorrow night. The drywall isn't even up yet. Hopefully THEY wear goggles when they put it up.

So give me all your good Mojo Jojo because I want this to be THE ONE.

I promise to even put shoes on the munchkin.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Total Mom Post

Miss M has been a pretty good sleeper, albeit a light one. For awhile all I'd have to do is plop her in her crib at 10 a.m. for her morning nap, switch on the Aquarium and she'd be out in 30 seconds flat.

Now that soccer has begun, our schedule is totally out of whack on the weekends, so it usually takes her until Wednesday to get back into it. Not so good. Also, LP has a thing he has to do every night, that is, rock her to sleep. Every night. Therefore, Princess thinks this is the way it should go all the time.

Sorry, but Mommy's busy. You know, looking at houses, checking up on blogs, natch.

Today I stuck her in at 10:45 hoping for a miracle. The Aquarium's batteries are dead. I told myself I'd give it until 11:00 and I'd rescue her from her misery.

10:57 she was out. Woo hoo!

Also, I had to do the Heimlich maneuver on her this morning. She choked on a penny. Great. She has in addition, discovered how to UNLOCK the screen door and get out. I found her halfway across the back patio the other day.

This is what they call 'testing me'.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Um, what the hell?

A kid my daughter's age gives birth????? WTF???

What I did this weekend, Haiku style

Friday Wal-Mart trip
I still forgot to get bread
My life is so lame.

Fell asleep at nine
Long ago Friday meant bars
I like to have sleep.

Pancakes for breakfast
The weather is so pretty
Ran out of syrup

Soccer games galore
Al has handball in the box
Bad call but they win

Clean up the basement!
The realtor is coming soon
Polly Pockets gone.

Yay I get sushi!
Which roll do I like the best?
Mmm I'd say lobster.

The Landing is nice
Drinking wine and watching the
Bachelorettes get drunk

Sunday more soccer
The parents are so crazy
They are only 10!

Time to wind it down
Read Olivia to Rug
That girl is so fun!

Life can be a bore
I'm so glad that there's haiku
Appreciate more!!!!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Pet Peeve #5,328

When I have been obviously scouring the house clean all morning, having already made breakfast, bathed baby, started, switched and folded laundry, took out the trash among several other things not meant for Sunday mornings, say to me,

"I need you to do me a favor."

And then expect a jovial and compliant response as opposed to a sarcastic one in return.

Not. Going. To. Happen.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Strange Times

well I was supposed to be in Kansas City tonight watching David Beckham play soccer. But since he is now in the DL list, that was not going to happen. But today apparently his dad has had a heart attack and he had to fly to the UK to see him. Hope he is OK. Heaven knows if I see video of David crying, well, that will be all that is left of me.

Guess what I did for my birthday? Oh my goodness. My parents wanted to take me out to dinner and suggested something that ends in "Roadhouse". Now, being a child of the 80s, first thing that popped into my head was, Patrick Swayze doing hot shirtless yoga. Uh, yeah, not so much. This was a peanuts on the floor, loud Toby Keith playing, roadhouse. I was not happy. Plus my mother insisted on telling the cowgirl waitress it was in fact my 34th birthday and she replies that all birthday cowgirls have to ride the saddle.

Excuse me?

The table next to us was also having a birthday, and to my HORROR, I saw them wheel a saddle in front of the table and force the woman to ride it and shake a napkin in the air, while she announced to the crowd it was "Charlene's ____ birthday let's all give her a rowdy YEE HAW!" and of course, like cattle do, the place erupted in a sing song "YEE HAW" for poor Charlene.

Bonus for me though. I have a 7-year-old daughter who was more than willing to substitute saddle riding for me. Unfortunately, my mother insisted I do the napkin waving. YEE HAW!!!

All this, and I realize that the guy I had a super crush on in high school was the manager of the joint, watching me the entire time.

On the way home, it occurs to me I have not had cake. So I make LP stop off at the gas station so I can at least have some chocolate, for Pete's sake (yee haw).

I walk in and there is a cute, waifish girl searching the candy section. She says to me, "My boyfriend told me I have to come out with either candy or liquor." I told her it was my birthday and I didn't get cake. We met eyes, feeling sorry for each other simultaneously.

As I walked out with my Reese's peanut butter cups, she wished me a happy birthday. It was the nicest gesture I'd had all day.

Yee haw.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

So today...


Today is International Tool day. Feel free to make any jokes there you want.


George Gerswin was born on this date.


So was Olivia Newton John.


And Serena Williams.


And me!!!!!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Wild weekend

Well, she figured out how to move the gate. So we finally moved the cat food downstairs. I was worried that the cats wouldn't get it, and it's still confusing them quite a bit but I think they will get a handle on the situation shortly. They're cats, it's food, they will figure it out.

The Italianfest was this weekend, and though there ain't a spot of Italian in either LP or myself, we got our drink on. In the Midwest, you really don't have to have a reason to drink, but we like to make up reasons to celebrate. I so love Blue Moon. Deelish, but will hit ya hard. There was a drunk gal in the bar we ended up with, wearing a tiara and apparently drinking alone, and she insisted on dancing with all of us. I like those kinds of gals. Especially when she is belting "Love Song" by Tesla at the top of her lungs, while normally would be unacceptable, in that setting is welcomed with open arms.

It's the week of my birthday and I will be having sushi by the weeks' end! Hopefully red velvet cake, too. That would be great for the anniversary of my 29th birthday.

Friday, September 21, 2007

makenna10monthold


makenna10monthold
Originally uploaded by Vajana

So we are going TODAY to get one of those big gates to keep from the cat food. It was funny at first, not so much anymore. Especially when we are late for a soccer game and you have dumped the entire cat water bowl on your face.

I love how no matter how crabby you are, Patty Cake will send you giggling in an instant.

Mommy chews a lot of gum, I know, and you find it fascinating. You stick out your tongue in hopes I will do the same, so you can see the amazing wad of stuff i'm gnawing on. Gum, it is quite a wonder.

You laugh all the time. Except when someone is trying to take expensive pictures of you.

10 months is far too close to one year. I'm not ready to give up my baby just yet. So don't get too mad when I'm still cradling you when you're 12.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

On Your Shelf

I was listening to a song this morning on the radio by Pearl Jam and the lyrics alluded to meeting a person from your past. It resounded with me...it said:

"Me you wouldn't recall, for Im not my former Its hard when youre stuck upon the shelf"

It has just stuck with me...people who I knew still have the same image of me as they did, and I am completely different. Some I have met I'd like to have them preserve me on that shelf, others I'd much prefer them to take that former me off the shelf and experience the new me....either way I wonder what version of me is sitting there, and if they think I'm a tired knick knack or a precious heirloom.

In other thoughts, I realized today that my name would be great for crossword puzzles.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Trying to Digest it all

A post has been swirling around in my noggin for awhile now, and it is still cooking up there. I'm still here, and still visiting everyone, cept for my own blog.

The weather is beautiful here, so why would I want to sit in front of a computer and type? The leaves are about to change, and with them I'm hoping to change too.

A friend called me the other day to tell me a girl I knew from the gym had killed herself. I was stunned. This girl was a vision of perfection, beautiful, sweet, had a gorgeous kid and great job. It completely blind sighted me.

The visitation was packed. I waited over an hour in line to give my condolences to her family. Her mom said to me, "If only we could have had these people line up to tell her how great she was when she was alive."

So true.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

House Hunting and Other Lame Adventures

There is an episode of Seinfeld in which Jerry and Kramer are talking about marriage and Kramer says, "Oh no Jerry, you don't want to do that. You can't just sit on the couch and watch TV while you're eating dinner. You have to sit at the table. And you know what you have to talk about? You have to talk about your day. 'How was your day today?' 'I don't know how was your day today?'

That is my life. Or, for another comparison, "time to make the donuts."

The house hunting is ALL we do. "Did you like that house?" "I don't know, did you like that house?" Over and over and over again.

If we don't find a house by March, we're staying put. And saving up to build. We'll just have to put the baby in the laundry room, because the whole sharing a room for Rug and Al is NOT working out so great.

Next week is LP's birthday and I hope to get some sushi. Then my birthday is the week after that, so that means only one thing...more sushi.

And we will be eating it on the couch. In front of the TV.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nine Months! Already!



Miss M. Can we talk about your obsession with the cat food? Not a day has gone by that you haven't invaded the cats property with them staring at you in disgust. I know they are planning a revolt. Even when I give you a bowl of Fruity Tooties (cuz I'm too cheap for the real thing) you just throw them around like they're confetti and head straight for the cat bowl. I cannot imagine Purina tastes better than Fruity Tooties, but what do I know...I do not eat cat food.

Recently you have begun pulling up on my desk chair while I am working, leaving me completely at your mercy because if I remotely swivel the chair, you will get knocked out. Or you prefer when you sit on my lap and type your own medical terminology. I'm sure somewhere someone has had a cholecsssssssssssssssdoodfiaiucystectomy.

Now that your sisters are in school, picking them up is the joy and highlight of your day. Absence certainly makes the heart fonder. I won't tell them what you do in their room while they are gone.

You and Daddy have a ritual every night, he rocks you to sleep. He adores the heck out of you. I adore getting a half an hour of peace.

I can't believe you've been alive as long as you were in my belly. I prefer you outside.

Love you Kenner!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Calm Before the School Storm

School starts tomorrow. And though my house will be cleaner, the "do-you-have-everything" factor of school stresses me the hell out. And dioramas. Whatever teacher came up with that, well, a bane on them.

Met the new teacher. he was extremely nervous but he looked pretty easy going. Al does not have a lot of high energy kids in her class this year so I think it will be a good year for her. I just hope this guy is prepared! How do you get a week to prepare for a whole year of 5th grade? I don't know. They say he's strong in math though, which is great because then I won't have as many awkward moments when she realizes that my math skills barely go beyond 5th grade. I have a hard time giving change at the yard sales we have every summer.

Speaking of, I had two sales in a row the last two weekends, and made almost $200 and got rid of a bunch of stuff. Note to those with no children: DO NOT BUY A DIAPER GENIE!! Just a waste and no one will buy it at your sale. I begrudgingly also sold 3 Build-A-Bears (approx. value $25 apiece) for $2 apiece. But they are no longer In. My. House. And that is most important. No real crazies this year, as yard sales tend to exhibit, unless you count the lady telling me about her ex-boyfriend needing a restraining order and her ex-husband wanting to kill him, etc. etc. Very interesting tale, had my daughter not been standing there.

The house hunting is not going well. I have found my dream house, unfortunately it is really far in the country. I do not want to hear my in-laws and parents complaining about how far we live from them. It would seriously drive me nuts. I'd rather live in a less wonderful house than have to hear about it. Oh, but this house. It's on 4.5 acres and has all the modern sinks and fixtures and it's just gorgeous. We've decided that if it's still on the market in March, we're going for it, angry grandparents be damned. At least we're not moving to California, which became a surprise option last week when LP got a job offer. That's still not been taken off the plate, though highly unlikely.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I still love sushi

Two weeks ago, Al found out she got the teacher she was hoping to have for 5th grade. I couldn't get the past the fact she was going INTO 5th grade, so I was just happy for her.

A week later, that teacher quit. Right before school starts! Ah!

So they quickly hired a new graduate. It's a BOY.

Al is very excited, yet apprehensive. She is hoping he'll be as good as the other male teachers at the school.

I'm just hoping he's good lookin'. More incentive for me to volunteer, yah?

Anyway.

Lots of crossroads and decision making going around in our house. There is a blanket of indecision that is covering us. As well as 105 degree temperatures, which certainly is not conducive to proper decision making.
Mostly it's about school, and our kids becoming 'public schoolers'. I just can't get behind some of the stuff they're teaching up at their 'private' school, either inadvertently or in the curriculum...because it seems to me that tolerance is something that is pretty important in life, at least to LP and I, and I haven't seen much of that, between the parents or some of the 'officials'...I'm also a bit singed on the fact that my 2nd grader will have 26 kids in her class with no aide, but 3rd grade will have 28 kids and an aide because of 'politics'. Okay I'm just rambling here at this point, but bottom line is I want what is best for my kids, and this no longer looks to be it.

We are trying to save up money for the new house, so that means I don't get to eat sushi for awhile. This makes me sad. But I certainly don't want to attempt discount sushi again, I learned my lesson. I've seen some ridiculous campaigns for money on the internet (remember the chick who asked people to pay off her credit cards? Sorry lady but I'm not going to pay for your Jimmy Choo shoes when all I can afford is Payless!) so maybe I should start a Sushi fund. It's a thought.

And my air conditioning broke on Monday, but $140 later and it's still cool in here.

Miss M is in her room right now, talking and playing with her toys, waiting for someone to come in and welcome her to the new day. I think I'll accept that job.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Monotony has kicked in

Soccer has started. Blogging therefore shall suffer.

Hoss borrowed the meme I borrowed from somewhere (not sure where) and that makes me Pretty Darn Important. Hoss, I owe you a bottle of headache medicine.

The houses were almost exactly what we wanted. Unfortunately for us EXACTLY is about 100K more than what we can afford. So we shall keep looking. The thing is though, we sort of really love the house we live in except for a few things:
1. School District sux (they go to private school now but the shenanigans at that place have me almost pulling my hair out...)
2. Only 3 bedrooms. Rug and AL are almost at the duct tape line in the middle of the room phase.
3. No bathroom in the basement. That's just cuz we're lazy.

Otherwise, everything is pretty nice. Since we remodeled the kitchen and did a bunch of work to it, it's almost exactly what we want. So we're at a bit of a crossroads. Some people suggest we build, but I actually love my husband and think that fighting over granite countertops is something I could do without.

Miss M is still eating the cat food. She can't get enough. She takes the bowl and just dumps it over her face, hoping to at least catch 2-3 in her mouth. Crazy baby.

And Al finally asked me what a period is. Ohhhh, dear. I told her I'd tell her later. Great, huh?

While we were in the last house with the realtor (which was SO close to being perfect) Rug clapped her hands together and said, "Ok, sooo, what do we gotta do here? Let's make an offer and talk about us getting this house." To the realtor!! We should just call her Poker Face from now on.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Momma let's Meme!

Two Names You Go By:
Momma (never Mommy anymore...can't wait for Miss M to bring it back in style)
Hey, listen could you.... (this is LP's favorite)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
My glasses
The best pair of Umbros in the world

Two Things You Want Badly At The Moment:
To lose my baby weight
Someone to reimburse me for the new brakes I had to put on the Grand Minivan

Two pets you have:
Archie-balls
Aurorie Borie

Two things you did last night:
Took Al to soccer practice
Kept the marital bliss intact

Two Things You Will Do Tonight:
Oh! Oh! Go see a house that is for sale that I am super interested in--three words people...Floor warming System! Gah!
I'm guessing I will have to cook dinner of some sort for this family of mine. Where is the Iron Chef when I need him?

Two Favorite Holidays:
Christmas (the in-laws could never break me as much as they try)
4th of July (remember I'm a fireworks junkie)

Two Things You Can't Live Without:
My morning internet fix
Peanut butter

Two Favorite Numbers:
23, 26 and 21

Two Current Favorite Songs:
Rehab by Amy Winehouse, is it wrong that when I ask my girls if they want to go somewhere, they reply, "No, no, no!"
Ok, this is totally showing my Soccer mom-ness, but the girls have been listening to Aly & AJ's new song, "Potential Breakup song" and I like it! Even if one of them was on "Phil of the Future"! (this may need even more explaining...Disney show, the boy is from the future, their time machine breaks down in the present day...you know, your basic sitcom premise)

Two Favorite Sports:
Futbol!
Basebol!

Two Good Drinks:
Diet Dr. Pepper
A good Pina Colada

Two TV Shows:
Scrubs
Moving Up (my new favorite to watch while I'm attempting to cook dinner, more on it later)

Two Favorite Foods:
My mom's spaghetti
Assuming this means food and not chocolate and/or peanut butter, because in that case it would totally be a peanut butter toast sandwich or brownies, let's say my other favorite food is sushi.

Two Favorite Passions in Life:
Being a goddess, even a domestic one
Trying to make my kids to have as little therapy as adults as I can

************************************************************************

Wish me luck tonight on this new house. It's in a perfect location (corn field) and has a great yard (read: soccer practice) and did I mention the floor warming system? It gets cold here!

One more thing...I had a flash of youth yesterday, as my minivan is getting new brakes, they gave me a sweet Pacifica to drive...I almost felt like I was back in college...listening to tunes on the radio, with my hair blowing in the wind.

Then the baby spit up.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Say, Miss M?

What did you eat today?

Oh just a Tums, wrapper and all.

It's alright though, Mom cuz I washed it down with some more cat food.

I know, I make ya so proud.

Friday, July 27, 2007

What? Me Worry?

Here is a little tidbit you may or may not know about me.

I was raised on Mad Magazine.

When I was around 7 years old, my dad used to go to a barber on 17th street. I can't remember his name, but I always loved going because he had Mads as reading material.

One lucky, the planets were all aligned day, he offered to my brother and I his ENTIRE collection of Mad Magazines. Gold, Jerry, gold. He must have had issues back into the early 60s. I don't remember if my dad paid him anything, but I do not think he did. Oh! His name was Jin. Yes, it wasn't Jim, it was Jin. So anyway, my brother and I went home and dove into the world of irreverent humor, providing us with years of knowledge of movies and pop culture only Mad could teach us.

My mom could tell you stories about how I would read and re-read my most recent Mad over a mug of milk and Chips Ahoy cookies. I could memorize by heart the Silver Spoons satire that was in the latest edition.

When I went to NYC for my 30th birthday, I called up the magazine's offices to get a tour. No answer. So when I arrived (literally like an hour after we checked into our hotel) I made LP go straight to the offices. The doorman said I would have to wait until Monday for a tour. I was leaving on Sunday. It broke my heart.

There are still several movies that I have never seen but know everything about because I saw it satirized in Mad. For example...never saw the Godfather. Didn't need to, it was all right there, horse and all.

My favorite was Don Martin. I loved his goofy artwork and the one page comics. He moved on to the 'generic' Mad magazine- "Cracked". Cracked was funny, but certainly not as hilarious as Mad could ever be. (Al Jaffee--hello? What could be funnier?)

I recently came upon the Cracked website and it is pretty funny. I certainly wished Mad Magazine could have thought of the website first, because honestly I never got into the "Mad TV" thing, even if Nicole Sullivan was on it.

Check it out, it's worth a good 20 minutes waste of time. Especially if you read "What 80s cartoons Taught Us".

Oh and one more thing?

Alfred E. for President!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Last Week

Last week is such a blur. So much can happen in a short time frame.

Most of the stuff is super boring and not to be blogged per the Rules of Not Boring Your Readers.

I did bake a cake though, red velvet, my favorite, and it just so happened to coincide with the debut of a certain futbol-er. It was delicious. And the cake was good, too.

I think LP might try to get me tickets to see him in Kansas City for my birthday in September. Yes I am willing to drive four hours for a chance to see him. It also gives me an excuse to get away, so I'll take it.

Did I tell you I lost my job last week? Yes, that was the utmost craziness I had. But, I got it back, sort of, making twice as much money. LP has already started browsing the Porsche boxters. What is he thinking? I didn't suddenly become a trust fund baby. He needs to browse the Porsche BOXES maybe. Cardboard, preferably.

Miss M has taken to eating the cat food still, and has not stopped. She also tried to sharpen her finger in Al's electric pencil sharpener AND took a head first dive into the wine rack. Oh yes, it's going to be F-U-N with accent on the F-U.

We also started looking for a new house. We are planning on moving in the next year. Yes, after all the remodeling we did, it's time to let someone ELSE enjoy it. I'm a little frazzled by it, because the house we buy will be the house we live in until we retire, so it has to be PERFECT. Unfortunately, my perfect runs around 450K. That's tough. The Porsche would be easier.

Have a great week and maybe I can post something more exciting later in the week.

Don't hold your breath.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

This Made Me Laugh!


I got this from TMZ.com---what Paris Hilton would have ended up had she been birthed to not so wealthy parents.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Eight Months

Miss M: You crack me up you know that? I put 20 toys down for you to play with and you will always head directly for the ratty, nasty pink chew toy that belongs to the cat. And seriously, those cats have about had enough of the new little human in the house so I'd try to stay on their good side.

The days are over when I could give you something and you wouldn't put it in your mouth. I was amazed, I'd never seen a baby hold a piece of bread or lettuce and not head it straight into their mouths. Not you. But...not anymore. You still definitely want to see what it does first...will it bounce? Will Mommy pick it up if I drop it? Does it make noise? But then it goes right into the cavernous hole you call a mouth.

I'd say you have started crawling but it's more of a scootching. Yet you still will not sit up. I'm telling you, sitting up is a good time. Criss cross applesauce is something you will soon have to master.

At least three people have asked me why you are wearing a wig, in all seriousness. Why would I put a wig on my baby? i don't know, but maybe I could start a new company, a Baby Wig company.

Don't grow up too fast, baby. As you are sitting on my lap right now, trying to touch the keys on the keyboard (and being successful...how many times have I had to retype this?) I know in no time you will be typing emails to your friends and I will just be "Oh, Mother".

I'm loving being "mamamamamamamamamamama".

Monday, July 16, 2007

Catalyst

*Catalyst is a great word, no? I just love saying it. It's almost as good as 'prickly', or 'brilliant'.

My mother thinks the Internet is only good for gay porn. She is convinced of this, because she once had Internet service and it gave her tons of gay Spam. Now, I think she secretly enjoyed it, because she has been intrigued by the gays since Lawrence Welk, but will never admit it. Me on the other hand would gladly watch "Lord of the Cock Rings" without batting an eye.

But if my mother were to be able to get past the man in leather pants, she would see the Internet that has helped ME through a mental breakdown and helped me get past a very difficult crossroads in my life. If you are reading this then you are more than likely one of the readers who has helped me and talked me down from the ledge, and I am so thankful for you in my life, even if I know you only from typed words on a screen!

I've spent much of the past few weeks dealing with several things, frustration with my friends, family AND clergy members. With all the words given to me, I realize it comes down to one thing.

Forgiveness.


Not necessarily the forgiveness like "I'm sorry" so much, but also forgiving of the stupid things that arise...when your husband just cannot seem to grasp the idea of a laundry hamper, when your in-laws have to brag about the money they spend on your children, when you've asked your kids for the 15,384 time to get their shoes on...or even when a priest tells you you're going to Hell...it's not so much not caring that these things have happened, but being willing to MOVE ON and not let them completely eat away at you is the key.

Holding grudges is the heaviest load to carry.

This holds true for yourself as well. Nobody is perfect or even close to being so. Forgiving yourself is more important than just about anything. This, Susie, is what I need tattooed on my head.

The main thing (and was the Catalyst for me, the AHA moment that made me go outside and breath the fresh air) was a post written by Hoss, the leader of my one-person Army. He wrote that wasting time lamenting about what could have been or what might be is just that, a waste of time. I yam what I yam, and that's what makes me great. I hope Hoss reincarnates himself as chocolate, because then he would be omnipresent in my house.

My outlook this week is Sunny, bright and I'm bursting with opportunity. Just when you think you're done for, someone decides to pick you up. Thanks everyone (you and you rock!) for strapping me back in the roller coaster. I'm ready for the next loop-de-loop.

Which happened last night btw...I haven't been paid in a month from my job! But that's OK, I've always known career-wise that it happens for a reason and I'm just waiting for the other door to open!

Last of all, it has been a week since I've talked about my kids...so I can tell you Miss M has successfully started crawling and TORMENTING my poor cats...and here is proof positive that I am able to forgive:


So it goes, right?

Friday, July 13, 2007

We need a cure

I have suffered from an affliction for several years now, and no cure seems to be in sight. I am talking about Foot-in-Mouth Disease, which is no relation to Hand, Foot and Mouth disease.

This is why I'm awful at small talk. I can say something innocently enough, and it turns out to be a royal social disaster.

Three cases in point:

1)Once I worked at a high school as a drug counselor, and was hired at the start of the school year. Upon discussing a juvenile client, I stated that "when I mentioned his drug problem he almost had an aneurysm." while talking to the vice principal.

Guess who had just had a brain aneurysm six months before? The vice principal.

2) Down at the gym, I was discussing with Amy the new elliptical trainers the gym had gotten, stating that the trainers down at a different gym I frequented were smoother and nicer.

Guess whose husband supplied all the new elliptical trainers for the gym? Amy's.

3) Here's an odd one: While meeting an older acquaintance of an in-law, we were discussing my kids and how wonderful grandkids were. I said, "I've heard grandchildren are a reward for not killing your own children!" Totally in jest.

Guess what? The guy's son had just been jailed. For killing his child. Well, I don't feel too bad about that one, what the heck was that all about?

Anyway, my point is, it is a problem for me! Usually I don't care and it's good to laugh at later, but at the time, in the moment, it's what my daughter would call "Awww-kward!!"

My greatest blunder, however, will go down in infamy:

My very good friend, we will call her Red, had a seemingly wonderful marriage. She and, we will say, Ted, were married for some time when one day she and I went to the mall. Upon returning from our trip, we found Ted wandering the streets. Red pulled up along side, and Ted remarked he was 'thinking'. Ok, whatever.

Only a few days later, Red calls to tell me Ted wants a divorce, that he is not happy. Now, this is seriously coming from NOWHERE. So she cries a bit, but she is a very strong woman, and asks me to come over to help her unpack her stuff to move out.

Well, I go over to their house, and we are actually having fun. Red has come to terms with it, and we are blasting the Bay City Rollers and getting the heck outta dodge. Nothing is sacred.

While cleaning out one of the drawers in the hallway, I found some 'exotic massage oils' and thought I would make light of the situation. (of course, you see where this is going, right? Stupid!)

"Hey, Red, guess you won't be wanting to take these along, huh? Ha ha."

Red takes a close look. "Um, Vajay-jay? Yeah, those ain't mine."

Ohhhhhhhhhhhshit.

One call to Ted and the exotic massage oil is hitting the fan.

So he fesses, and he has been sleeping with a co-worker for weeks now! Yikes! Ted comes back, they fight, she stomps out the door while I wait in the car, shaking my head, wondering what I was thinking. She remembered she wanted something else, and goes back in...only to discover he'd locked the door...so she PUNCHES the glass window to open the door.

I end up taking her to the emergency room, having succeeded in giving her 12 stitches in her hand.

Now THAT my friends, is a bad case.

But...I must say, Red recovered wonderfully and is now married to a super hot, super great guy she met, of all places, on the Internet.

Guess I can take my foot outta my mouth on that one...but I'd better make sure they are clean for the next time...which I'm sure will be soon!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Shine on You Crazy Diamond

When I was in junior high school, my mom had a nervous breakdown. She was in the psych ward at the local hospital for about a week.

At the time, I was so angry with her for being so weak, when she had so many blessings in her life. I hated that it was all about her. I hated that our lives were disrupted because of her. I hated having to tell people why she was in the hospital. I hated that she blamed ME for her being the way she was.

Now, I've never been more on the brink of going through the same thing she was in my whole life. I am constantly reminded of what she put up with on a daily basis. Every single day I can hear myself thinking, "God, how did my mother do it?" I realize now how human she was an infallible, and know I was more angry that the ideal I had in my head of her was what I missed the most, that after her breakdown, she wasn't this June Cleaver mom who had it all together (or the Judy's as some call them).

My husband thinks too many people are anxious and depressed these days, and he thinks it is due to fast food. Yes, the McDonald's generation.

I think it's just due to too much all at once.

I knew life would be a roller coaster, but I feel like my straps are broken and I'm holding on with only a finger!

Yet even more amazing

Have you seen THESE?

You know, sans the posh chick.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

And it makes me wonder....

Some things still amaze me.

THIS shit amazes the heck out of me. I first learned about them when I was at the History Museum in New York City. Makes me wonder how much is out there we still don't know about.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

4:20

When I was a sophomore in high school, my neighbor would drive me to school every morning in her blue VW bug. She was a huge "Meatloaf" fan and we listened to that damn wolf song until my ears would bleed ("Would you offer you throat to the wolf with the red roses...what? What the crap is that?). She also had no heat, but she smoked cigarettes, so we would have to drive with the windows down in the middle of winter. St. Louis winter. Pre-global warming.

My neighbor, who we will call Freckles, was a very interesting sort of person. I hung out with her more or less because she had a car, and also had access to her Dad's car, which was a 1963 covertible, and it rocked. We'd known each other since we were kids, and she used to freak me out by collecting those weird dolls with the big eyes. (and even Google can't help me find the name of those things--but they have brought back the terror that Ballerina doll gave me as a child...dear Lord the torment my brother gave me about that doll.)

I digress.

One day while on the way to school, we get to discussing what was, at the time, the most popular drug at our high school. Of course I'm talking about the weed. Maryjane. In later years this would eventually become my nickname, as my Spanish teacher dubbed me "Juana" for the remainder of my days. I've been called worse.
Upon discussing said drug, I revealed to her that I had never tried it. Smoking was a big no-no in my household, as my dad had smoked since high school and I certainly did not want to be a hypocrite when I was yelling at him that he was making my brand new jean jacket smell bad.

Well, leave it to Freckles, she said she would get me high after school. Woo hoo!

She picked me up after my last class, and we headed down to The Structure. The Structure was basically a wooden playground at the nearby grade school. But The Structure had such a better ring to it, yes?

Freckles took out this self-rolled, very thick (red flag hello), future destroying marijuana joint. She kept saying, "Are you sure you want to do this?" like I was about to partake in some tribal initiation that may or may not require loss of a limb.
Freckles lit it up, and let me take the first hit. I grabbed it, and notice that it does not smell the way I thought it would (second flag here)

I took a huge puff in, and it HURT all the way down into my lungs.
"WHAT THE HELL!" I said. I had heard that it was harsh but jeebus that burned!!!
Freckles, in all her infinite wisdom, assured me this was the norm, and that I'd get used to it.
I took another tackle at it, and had the same results.
"HOLY CRAP! Forget it, this is not worth it."
I was done.
So, Freckles proceed to 'toke it up' and takes a few hits and agrees, it is harsher than usual.
I am still trying to recover, and it hits me. I have several friends who were pros at this, and something was definitely rotten in Denmark. Or in this case, Amsterdam.
"Give me that for a second, Freckles."
She handed it over and I held it to my nose this time, smelling it. I knew the smell immediately.
"Freckles!!! This was rolled with CHEWING TOBACCO."
Some funny guy was selling chewing tobacco rolled up in cigarettes to unsuspecting, be-freckled individuals. Great.
What was even funnier, afterwards we went to a friend's house, and Freckles pretended to be HIGH!!

Upon returning home, my mom asked me if I'd just brushed my teeth. "You smell minty."

Yes, yes, I know.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Ralph, get me through this day

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, July 08, 2007

One day at a Time

Sparkpeople.com is one of the best websites ever!! I love being able to track every calorie I put into my greedy little mouth. So far I've been able to stay in the 1200-1400 calorie range. I have never counted calories before in my life. When I first started losing weight in my early 20s I counted fat grams, and almost starved myself to death. Then on Body For Life there was no counting calories, just mostly equal carbs to equal protein (which I still keep track of). But never calories! I have just taken another step closer to turning into my mother. Next thing you know I'll be clipping coupons to get that Pringles inflatable raft in the mail (this is scary...but there is a story behind that, and yes i DID have Pringles rafts as a kid).

I did really well this weekend eating-wise. We had a double header softball game on Saturday and had to eat quick at Dairy Queen so I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich thinking I was safe...uh, can you say 530 calories? That's almost half of my calories for the day! Yikes. Good thing I am lactose intolerant, that Brownie Earthquake was calling my name....then I was at a wedding that night (Hi Kathy! Love love you!) and just ate salad. So I'm pretty proud of myself.

There were fireworks at the landing on Friday night so we took the girls to see them. It was a gorgeous night, and they were spectacular. Momma loves her some fireworks.

Nothing much to write, but I am trying to post for a week without blabbing about my kids. As much as I love them, sometimes I can write about something else. So, I will leave you with one story and try to see if I can do it.

The other day we were in the car and my mom was talking to the girls about weddings. She described hers, and how pretty the flowers were. Then she talked about mine, about the cake and how nice and quaint it was, very intimate. The girls started telling stories about where they wanted to have their own weddings, in the backyard, at the Botanical Gardens, on the beach. My mom drops the bomb..."Who do you think you will marry?" Al speculates for Rug, on a few boys in her class she may or may not have a crush on.

Rug replies, "Nah, I'll probably just go on eHarmony.com. That looks like it works."

Friday, July 06, 2007

Parenting Tip 4,375

When faced with a real fussy baby for no apparent reason, give said baby a hot dog bun. Dissecting a hot dog bun is very educational for baby and will give you at least 20 minutes of peace and quiet.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Been awhile since I've done one, and this one looked particularly fun, from Shelibells.

1. Describe your first kiss.
Well, once I finish dry heaving I can tell you. His name was Glenn and i did not like him at all, but see I am the BIGGEST pushover in the world, and my friend made me do it. I am not kidding. It was awkward, it was awful, blech. But then my 2nd kiss was with a totally hot tuba player, at a wrestling match. Super hot. Tuba, mmmm.

2. Should a person’s pubic hair be trimmed, shaved, or just grown out as the jungle God intended it to be? Trimmed, boys and girls.

3. What’s the best super-hero comic book movie ever made? Flash Gordon omg are you kidding?

4. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Dr. Pepper.

5. Have you ever been caught masturbating? Who, what? Me? No but one time I had an UTI and my doctor asked me if I'd been 'fiddling with myself too much'. Seriously.

6. Which way do you lean your head when going for a kiss? Right.

7. Jockstraps, sexy or no? I'm sorry? Boxers only, please. Never, ever capris.

Have you ever used the excuse, “Oh, I was so drunk that night, I don’t remember a THING!"
No but there was a specific hot tub incident in which I would have used it.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Walking on the Moon

Was I having some sort of temporary insanity yesterday by posting that picture of myself? As Dickie Roberts would say, that is nuckin futs. I have been doing better on my diet, though---I hate to use that term, I just try to eat healthy. Willpower is something I need to regain. I am officially on the wagon with French Fries. I will be giving myself a coin at 30 days of no fries. A
McCoin, if you will.

Last night we went to see THE POLICE in concert. Holy guacamole it was incredible. I never thought I'd get to see them live. It was a packed house, and Sting is still hotter than ever---although, I've always been a Stewart Copeland fan. Which is more wrong...me lusting over a man 20 years older than me at 10 years old in 1983, or me still thinking he is hot when he is 55? Anyway, such a great concert. We had spectacular seats and they had just as much gusto now as they probably did the last time they were in St. Louis together, which I think was 1983 as well. My favorite? Definitely "Can't Stand Losing You". Ah, bliss.

I also sat by a guy who had an iPhone and the goof let me sit and play with it. (the iPhone you pervs) it was really neat if you are a gadget person, which I am not. LP's mouth was watering though.

So I can now check another band off my list of Bands to See in Concert. Now I have to still hang on to the hope that Pink Floyd will one day reunite...

What bands do you wish you could see?

Monday, July 02, 2007

The Weight



There are very few people who do not have weight issues. I have had mine, and thought they were licked...until right before I got pregnant with M. I knew I was planning on getting preggers, so I just let it loose with eating. I can throw down, let me tell you. The number one thing that is a very large distraction of my diet? Peanut butter toast. Seriously. I do not eat a ton of ice cream, I hate potato chips, sweets are not my thing. It's the peanut butter on white toast that gets me.




Here is a short time line of my crazy weight yo-yo:




1995: Graduated from college, gaining the "Freshman 15 and then some".




1996: I was heartbroken and disillusioned, and about 40 lbs overweight. My friend gave me a coupon for a YMCA membership, I signed up and went balls to the wall for 4 months. I lost it all by eating Grape-Nuts and a baked potato all day. Not very healthy, and the skinniest I've ever been, but not healthiest. Lowest I think was 115 lbs.




1996, fall: Got preggers with Al.




1997: I only weighed 147 at 40 weeks with Al, which is ridiculous to me now. I lost it very quickly. I then went to a personal trainer for a few months, who told me I would have to work harder than most people due to a high heart rate or something along those lines. Great. So, I worked my a$$ off. I would go to the gym for 2 hours at a time.




2000: Had Rug. After that, I worked out even harder, and was the smallest I've ever been, a size 2-4. I still weighed about 125 lbs. though.




2002: Did my first Body For Life. This program completely changed my life, my body. I would recommend it to ANYONE. Anyone who is serious. Not to anyone who doesn't like to lift weights, and definitely not to anyone who hates cottage cheese.




2003: Did Body For life, again. This time, I got the best results:



Can you even see that? Anyway. That was me in the PJs, showing off my abs. I was strong and lean and had muscles popping out every which way. Maybe I can find a better pic:

Kablam, right?


Then I turned 30.


I have gained 5 lbs. per year since I turned 30. WTF? Plus I've lost the motivation I used to have as well. Body For Life does not do it for me anymore, at all. I have to re-teach myself to lift weights the way I used to. It is very hard to stay motivated, especially with the lack of time now that I work fulltime, as well as having a fulltime baby in the household who doesn't necessarily enjoy going to the YMCA daycare. Mrtl has started going to a website that I may start to go to, sparkpeople.com in hopes it will give me the motivation I need. Also, posting here with my calorie counts and making me liable will help as well. Then I can get back into all those super cute capris I bought before getting pregnant with Miss M!! And I promise I will never, ever dye my hair that color blonde again.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

7 months

Third child in the fam
Won't stop Falling off the Couch
Rolly Polly Girl!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Big 10

The 10 days of Al's birthday are over, pretty much. I think she enjoyed it...one of her friend's mom came up to me this weekend and said I was making her look bad, her daughter's birthday is THIS week and she asked if she was getting the '10-day' birthday too!! She said she told her every little detail of the gifts and activities etc, so I must be in with the kids, not so much with the moms. Eh, that's my life. Everyone, always jealous of me and my fabulousness and beauty. It is tough being this wonderful, let me tell you.





I think Al's favorite was the horseback riding, which, even typing it, makes my hips squeal in pain:









That was rough! Her horse kept stopping to eat the leaves, and she was trying to pull him away from it but had too much slack, and me trying to explain this to her while she is literally wigging out was to no avail, so we both were just laughing our heads off. She is such a great kid, I wish I had her as a friend when I was growing up!



Her aunt made her another homemade cake, and as usual it was uber cool:




Then she finished the week with winning 2nd place in a 'fun' soccer tournament, and since it downpoured the entire time, I'd say that was a pretty big accomplishment for us all. Sweaty, tired drenched kids does not a fun bunch make.

This week we will be going to Six Flags where I pray we keep our ankles. Did you read about that?? Barnacles, that is completely nuts. That is the same kind of ride I rode on top of the Stratosphere in Vegas. I believe I will no longer be riding such a ride. Yowza, I'm going to stick to the roller coasters, they are SO much safer...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Not much doing

I really wanted to post every day this week. And it's almost Wednesday already! Oh well. My grandma died last week, so we were busy with the arrangements, etc. I am very glad my father can go on with his life; he was an incredibly devoted son to her, and my parents have been caring for others too long now, it's time for them to have their own fun!! (and I don't dare ask what that might entail). ((although I'm sure it has something to do with playing Bunco and going to several church dinners)).

The funeral threw a little wrench into the 10-day Al birthday plan, but so far this week it has been good. She spent the day at the bookstore on Monday with a Cardinals game afterwards, (Hello? How many frigging people do we HAVE on the DL?) and today she spent at the City Museum in St. Louis. Tomorrow we are going horseback riding (much to my dismay) and Thursday she will get to meet up with her friends for some roller skating disco. She is enjoying it a lot so far, I'm glad. I think it is much easier than trying to figure out how to entertain 12 screaming girls for 4 hours.

I've gone back to my workout regimen, and by golly this time I'm sticking to it. That is a post for another day, but if Marcia Brady can lose it, surely I can. Oh and the One Day at a Time chickie. So I'm back on the treadmill, again, with my fixed (yay!) iPod and my new sneakers I'm Rhet-ta-go.

Annnnnd finally, if this post weren't exciting enough, the new SUPER Wal-Mart opened in our area last week. You have NO IDEA how thrilling this is. Before now, you had two choices. Pay through the nose and they will bag your groceries, or get limited selection and cheap prices with bagging your own groceries. Ya know what my least favorite thing to do is? Bag frigging groceries. So, now the Wal-Mart is here, cheap prices AND, they bag your damn groceries. It has definitely given me the forbidden fruit, and I am so taking a big ol' bite. I have my list ready. Plus, I can get my nails done, my hair cut, my taxes done AND rotate my tires. Hot dog.

Tomorrow I will remember to post a pic of Miss M at the Cardinals game because it IS the sweetest thing ever, even if 2 people asked me why I had a wig on my baby. Swear!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Today it Begins

My internet has been down for a few days. I have a guy coming today to look at it after telling the guy from customer service who doesn't even know where Illinois is that I had already trouble shooted all that and get someone out here NOW. of course, 'NOW' to them is two days later.

Hope he looks like David Beckham. Yummy. He'll probably look more like David Brenner.

I am starting my daughter's "10 Days of Birthday" today. I have had my share of big birthday parties, and sleepovers cause WAY too much drama. Since she has already become a 'tween, officially, with the constant eye-rolling and the sing-song "MoooOOOOm!!!" we needed to make sure we celebrated the now present mood swings in style.

So, instead of a party, I'm doing something every day for 10 days. Just for her.

Today we will be getting pedicures and going miniature golfing, and her grandparents are taking her out to dinner to ANY restaurant she wishes.

We also have horseback riding, water parks, movies, Six Flags, and rock climbing to look forward to. I'm sure she will have a blast.

I hope so. I am out of ideas!

Monday, June 11, 2007

hand of death

what IS it with me and iPods? I just got this iPod in May, and it is already dead. Dead. To me. Fortunately it is still under warranty and I will get a new one, but REALLY. The last one cost 400 dollars so at least I was smart this time and got the cheap one. Yeah cheap, $150. Right.

Anyway, I was planning on blogging about something or other but got too caught up in things. This weekend we had a babysitter for 3 hours so LP and I went and got some sushi, and went to Target. These are things we do with no kids. It was nice. Then we sat out on our deck and played the 80s version of Trivial Pursuit. I realize now I need to learn more about Croatia, apparently. Wikipedia, here I come.

I spent a good chunk of my day talking with a realtor about the house. We are wanting to move in the next year or so, not sure where, but we want to be prepared when we do. LP has job opportunities in Georgia, which would be interesting. Neither of us have ever lived further away from our birthplace than 2 hours. I doubt it'll ever happen but it would be so cool.

Obviously my writing has suffered here today, but I find it oddly necessary to write, even though this is ending up sounding like one of those awful Christmas newsletters no one ever wants to read. So sorry to have wasted to your blog time.

In the meantime, kissing the back of a baby's neck is about the greatest thing ever. That and brownies, natch.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Wild Card Wed- K!

See, now, I spent all week ruminating on the letter "K" and thought immediately of this picture, and then I thought, Oh, yes, it was 1990, so I could be "Knarly"!!! Then, I realized, "Knarly" actually starts with G, "Gnarly". But dammit I still want the credit, so we can go with a few "K" words here.


We can go with "Keepsake" which is not what I would consider those blue sparkly shoes to be. In fact, this entire get up was borrowed from my friend. Except the hairspray that made my hair stand up that way.

We could also go with "Karma" because the doofus I went to prom with was a royal pain in my arse the whole night, or rather, the whole time we dated, culminating in him not even going to my high school graduation, and us getting into a big fight. And since I know Karma is a bitch, I am totally OK with it.

Lastly, we could go with a word I looked up, "kapok" which means a fluffy fibre for stuffing things. Needless to say, there are some serious shoulder pads going on in this dress. 'nuf said.

Did YOU play?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

LIfe time Reader

As I mentioned, I went to the library yesterday. My daughters are hell bent on reading their summer away, which, of course I'm happy about but seriously? AIR people. Fresh AIR. It's out there while I'm inside typing. When I was a kid, my mom opened the door after breakfast, and told us she did not want to see our mugs until lunch. My kids needs ta go OUTSIDE! (so I make them have a mandatory hour outside, in which they usually take their books and read. Outside)

Anyway, Al won 1st place this year in her class for Accelerated Reader. That means she read more books and got more points than anyone else in the class. She's a nut I tell ya.

Now Rug, she's not my reader. And that is totally okay. She is my 'pretender'. She will go down to the Polly Pocket table in the basement and play for hours, making up elaborate and sometimes tragic plays and it usually ends up in a big huge Polly mess, with at least one Polly missing a head.

But at the end of the year this year, all of a sudden she was INTO books. I couldn't figure it out, but wasn't asking any questions. She was reading like a fiend.

Last day of school, and I found out why. The boy she has a huge crush on, C, apparently is the winner in the Accelerated Reader in her class. Aha! Reading books = taking AR tests = sitting next to C!!! It all makes sense now.

She enjoys Magic Treehouse books, and if you have a 7-year-old or there abouts, there is a website for them and if they read one of these books, they can answer questions and get a 'passport' for that book. You print out the passport book and get the 'stickers'. That should occupy Rug for a few weeks anyway. She is already on #4.

Al, well, she needed a new book to read. I asked her if she had read "Blubber" yet. Nope. This was one of my favorite books as a child. I had the 4 book set of Judy Blume books, with SuperFudge, Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great, Blubber, and of course, Are you There God, It's Me, Margaret. I read them over and over. Mostly to figure out the whole 'pink belt' thing (careful boys---it's girl stuff) and to digest the characters Ms. Blume created, some of the first fallible characters I'd encountered. So I figured Al, who reads books like "Inkheart" and "Doll People" would enjoy Blubber. Buttttt, knowing and remembering Judy Blume as I did, I re-read it first before giving it to her.

I was amazed at how mean the main character was, and was surprised at myself for holding her so high in my memory, not remembering her calling her teacher a 'bitch' (which, oh my gosh, in my Catholic household was a HUGE no-no) and her brother a little ass. She also eggs a house, and torments another girl in the classroom unforgivingly.

I gave it to Al to read, because it shows how someone can justify their own actions even if they are deplorable, and that inevitably, these actions result in huge consequences.

Now then. Books for the summer--check. Sanity--hopefully intact for at least a few more weeks.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Passing Time


I could just post a picture, but I won't.


I have a tremendous headache and I can't sleep. the only sounds in the house are of me typing on the keyboard. Everyone is asleep.


The neighbor just pulled up. I wonder where he was.


I could tell you about my brother, Boy Wonder. He is 3 years older than me and was supposed to become something great. He still lives with my parents, which is fine, but he does not pay rent and causes them a lot of stress. That makes me so sad. We went out to dinner with them the other night, and I could feel the anger emanating from him as I sat by him. Tragic.


I had such a lovely weekend with my family. We spent last evening at a nice Chinese restaurant, eating with chopsticks and sharing each other's food. We laughed and giggled at each other, and Miss M, and poked fun one by one...none were spared. Miss M loved the chopsticks, waving them like a baton.


We went to a local carnival and the girls rode rides that took them upside down and sideways. I held my breath. Again I am cringing at the things I put my mother through. Aiyiyi.


I know I need to go to sleep, but this headache is unbearable! I need an oil change tomorrow, have to go get stamps from the post office. Sigh.


Last week I got "Hannibal Rising" from the library. Last night I finished it. Today I rented the movie. He is quite a character for sure. I went back today to read "Hannibal". Hope it's as good.


There goes the ice machine in the fridge. I think it's telling me to go to bed!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Random

We left for a week to Gulf Shores, Alabama, returned on Thursday only to leave Friday for a soccer tournament. Al's team won 1st place, so it was super worth it. That face right there? Pure bliss. She rocked it.

The beach was amazing, I wish we could have stayed longer. I would recommend that place to anyone. Not as loud as Panama City Beach, but still just as pretty. We were total beach bums.

It's the last week of school so my plate is full!

Al found a website that is super fun to waste time on: www.stardoll.com. It brings me such joy to dress Britney in a slutty outfit and put a baby bottle in her hand. Good times.

More later.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Back from the Beach

Wish we were still there.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Just call me Consumer Reports

It is in my nature to help people. I crave it. Sometimes I catch myself searching out people who look lost, or in need of a decision. If I am in a store, and I overhear someone talking about a product, I will inadvertently give them my two cents, whether they were short money or not. One time I was at Wally world, and an older couple had just gotten Pergo installed in their house, and were trying to figure out what to clean it with. I suggested a product, and about peed my pants with glee when I saw them walk out of the store with said product. It is what I live for.


So today, I am going to give you JanasayQua's recommendations of All Things. These things have worked for me, I like these things, these things will give you joy, hopefully, as they have me. Things can be good, and as Dr. Seuss says, these things are fun, and fun is good.


Household Items:


Clorox Disinfecting Wipes. What did I do before these were invented? They are fabulous, and allow my children to participate fully in the cleaning of da house. It also prevents that "woops I accidentially sprayed this highly toxic cleaner too close to LP's coffee." Not that that every happened previously. (And the Lysol ones do not work as well, trust me.)


Bissell Steam Cleaner This puppy can clean up any mess your pets leave behind. And it smells oh so good! My carpets are like buttah after I steam clean them. Too bad I have kids. God they just ruin everything.


Swiffer or product similar See old couple story above. It truly works wonders.


Dawn Direct Foam. I hate it when I've done the dishes and then there is like, one pan in the sink. My mother, the Queen of the Clean, would absolutely fill up the whole sink just to clean that one pan. Not me. Direct Foam is perfect for lazy people like me who like to have a sink with no dishes. Not for crazy OCD people like my mother. (who still does not own a dishwasher, I might add)


Dyson vacuum cleaners. My husband sheds more than my two cats, and this takes care of it all. Enough said.


Scrubbing Bubbles. How can I not use a product that, as a child, taught me cool looking talking bubbles came in and scrubbed my toilet and bathtub clean? The 'shhhhhhhh' sound still brings back memories and no one has convinced me yet that those little guys aren't in there. I do feel a twinge of guilt once they're flushed down the drain though.


Post-It Notes. I may not be OCD but I am a list maker. You will find lists of daily to-dos, what needs to get done by 2009, what I want to be when I grow up, what to buy at the store and who has pissed me off today, all lying around my house. So Post-It Notes come in handy. Good times. They are also handy for the single men in your life:



Tomorrow, if I find the time....JanasayQua's List of Toiletry Items I cannot live without.