Monday, August 15, 2005

Motif Monday--Fear

Each week mrtl gives us a topic for Mondays...which is great so I don't have to think about what I'm gonna write or bore anyone with a play-by-play of my weekend. (which is almost always boring in a soccer mom kind of way) Today's topic is fear, my old friend.

I have made my fear of sock monkeys quite clear to everyone, so I won't bother to repeat myself. I think we can go ahead and say that the idea of any toys coming to life just really freaks me out. My mother-in-law bought this freaky plastic 'lifesized' doll for my kids a few years ago and I know that if I try to get rid of her she will chop me up in tiny pieces and burn my house down so I keep her in the basement in the closet.

My fear of flying is all encompassing, but I tend to avoid flying on a plane so the fear is rarely surfaced. I truly believe this fear stems from watching "La Bamba" and "Sweet Dreams" ad nauseum on HBO as a kid.

My biggest fear nowadays is either something happening to my kids or an intruder. The feeling that is in the pit of my stomach when I'm in a store and they've got into the next aisle and when I call their name the first time and they don't answer, that sick feeling gets stronger and then when I call out a second time and they don't answer, I go running around the aisle like a madwoman and of course they're both sitting on the dirty floor reading some new Junie B. Jones book and totally ignoring me, while in my head I've already conjured up eight billion images not suitable for younger audiences.

My husband used to go to work way before I woke up, but he always kissed me goodbye and then knowing he was gone I could never go back to sleep.

One morning very early, I woke up when he gave me a kiss, and sat at the computer for a little bit. Suddenly I heard a voice coming up the stairs. Immediately, I knew it was an intruder, and in my groggy state, I went to the basement door and held the door handle (like that was going to stop the intruder) so he couldn't get up. The doorknob started rattling, but I was strong, my adrenaline pumping. In my head I'm trying to figure out how I can get the girls out of the house, and call 911 while holding this guy off. I hear a strange, deep, muffled voice saying, "Open the door! Come on!" Oh my god this is really happening? i can't believe it. Then the intruder says, "I'm late! Open the door!"

WTF? Why would an intruder be late?

I let go of the handle, and there is my husband, with his RADIO in his mouth, that could have possibly caused his voice to sound, uh...muffled. And the cats that he was talking to at his feet. In his workout clothes coming up from the basement from, uh, working out. Coming upstairs to get ready to go to work.

Oh he was laughing so hard. But I yelled at him, "Why the hell did you kiss me then? You only kiss me when you're leaving!!!!"

"But you look so cute when you are sleeping, I couldn't resist."

Yeah, do you think I've ever lived that one down? No. No way. He told everyone he works with so when I called there later they asked me if I'd checked the basement lately.

Which leads me to my other fear, public humiliation, but I think we've done enough damage for the day!!!


kalki said...

Hee heee!! Great story. And your husband is smooooth - how could you be mad at him after the "you look so cute when you're sleeping" line?

amanda said...

i agree... great story, but you can't be mad that he couldn't resist you. it's so sweet! :-)

mrtl said...

I felt your terror with the basement door. Boogerhead! (Your husband, not you.)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Cute story, Jana. Don't be embarrassed. This is one where I can laugh WITH you, not at you.

paintergirl said...

Oh my gosh...your story freaked me out. How scared you must have been. That is one of my fears too-intruders and well you know all about the zombies.

Vajana said...

yeah, I know, he is a smooth one. Maybe that's why he'll probably get that plasma screen TV sooner than later.

Why are basements so damned scary sometimes?

Now a zombie-sockmonkey intruder, THAT would be scary.

Cat said...

I am dying here!

Can't... stop... giggling...

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