Where the hell is that parenting handbook that shows you how to lie to your kids?? I totally did not sign up for this when I decided to procreate.
Al has a loose tooth, and yesterday I noticed the gums around it were red. I took her to the dentist, and he proceeds to tell me nonchalantly, which I'm sure is totally unintentional because after all, he is a dentist, that he has to pull her top 4 teeth.
What the hell is it with the Qua family and dental horrors lately? Geez!
So, he explains all this to me, I pay for the visit and put my best "white picket fence happy Mom" face and walk to the car, knowing exactly what is coming next.
"Yes sweetheart?" (smiling, my teeth as white as the pearls I'm wearing that match my apron and heels)
"Is it going to hurt?"
Now, this is SO important. I cannot hesitate, because that would instantly send a red flag up to her. Nor can I say, "God yeah Al it's going to hurt like a mother. Glad I'm not you." But I do not want to LIE to her and say, "No, not at all! Bread puddin', babe." Knowing full well that in a week, this dentist will be hovering over her with pliers and gadgets that should not exist plotting to tear solid parts of her mouth out without a second thought.
So I just told her, completely avoiding the question, that this would be a great time for her to work on her "Hillbilly Moment" skit from the Amanda show.
I do not feel like I waffled on that one a bit.
Boy do I feel like a politician.