daily dose

Every day I pick my oldest daughter Al up from school at 2:30. We drive to Rug's school and wait for her to get out at 3:15. We usually get home barring any unforeseen grocery stops around 3:30.

From 3:30 until LP arrives home, the girls BOUNCE off the walls. I don't know if they are just so excited to be home, or to see each other, or what, but I cannot get them to settle the fuck down. And I said fuck, and i don't say it too often, but they are fucking driving me nuts.

It is 4:20 now. I realize that this time is symbolic to a certain population of people, that it means to chill out and smoke a big fatty, but to me it symbolizes something else. It means, how many more minutes until LP gets home and ropes these kids into submission? Calgon take me away!

Lucky Pot

No this is not a post about a) getting good weed OR b)making it to the toilet.

It is about BINGO.

That is where I went tonight with 4 of my bestest girlfriends. We usually go out once a month, and someone suggested we try it. It. Was. A. BLAST.

As I'm sure you are aware, these people are serious about their Bingo. They have them their Bingo Trolls and Lucky Bingo Daubers and seriously, stop laughing, this is Bingo and we shall not mock the Bingo.

I got a beer, and that was lucky I guess, but then I drank it and felt the need to continue to have a lucky beer on hand at all times, so I continued to replace the first lucky beer. This did not make me luckier, but it sure made me care less about it.

At one point in the evening, my friend shouted out to the other friend to get her a beer, and that is NOT tolerated at Bingo. An old lady came over, and we thought she was going to boot us, but instead told us a rather silly joke about a girl getting a haircut and a Twinkie. So I think that means we are 'in' with the Bingo crowd. Woo hooo!

Luckypot was the name of one of the games, and I started singing my own song about Luckypot to the tune of "Rocky Top". I think everyone was entertained thoroughly by it.

In the end, we all walked out with no money, but a new respect for those Bingo aficionados.

Oh, yeah and really, really smelling like cigarettes.

gold

They say King Midas turned everything into gold that he touched.

Well I should be named Queen Mi-ghtnotwanthertotouchthatcuzitsgonnabreak. Everything that I come across tends to break, crack, get stained, stall, puncture, or die. I am not the Grim Reaper so much, I'm just incapable of keeping it together.

Plants have no chance.

I've gone through more Sony Walkmans than a teenager in study hall.

White shirts will emerge from the laundry with unknown stains on them.

I dropped a cordless phone into the dishwater the DAY WE BOUGHT IT.

If there is a nail on the road, you bet I will seek it out like a missle and run over it.

This week I slammed the microwave oven door too hard, now it won't close.

I turned on the vacuum this morning, it started to smoke.

So, it is no surprise that I broke the navigational CD that goes to our new KSHE van.

And as it is no surprise, it will cost $200 to replace it.

Happy Friggin' Mother's day to me.

Queen of the Klutzes.

Top 5 pieces of evidence Al is SO my kid

5. She can shake it like a Polaroid picture and will do so at the drop of a hat (I unfortunately have shaken it for much less)

4. She has never played with Barbies. Never! I never did either as a kid, I would have much rather been outside playing. (she does too...now that she's finally mastered the bicycle!)

3. Math is just never going to be what she majors in college. Yeah, that's a gimme.

2. Jewelry? Who needs jewelry? Give us Gameboy and Playstation games.

and the number one piece of evidence Al is SO my kid:

1. She got her card pulled today for peeking in the boy's bathroom. Yeah, that's my kid.

Cards

Well we survived the Cardinals game last night, only to the bottom of the 5th inning, which was one more inning than I thought we'd make it to. I brought a huge stash of food, Junior Mints, peanuts, Cracker Jax, beef jerky, fruit snacks, but of course I failed to bring along cotton candy so of course they wanted that. Oh well. We had a great view, they won 5-3.

We also were able to get great views of the new stadium they are building to replace the ol' Busch. (Busch is my husband's favorite word, I won't elaborate) I have mixed emotions about this, because I grew up going to ball games at Busch Stadium, and you know, am totally against anything new. But getting a close look at the new one, well, there really is no comparison. It is incredible. I'm sure a draft beer at the new stadium will require a loan. I wonder if Fredbird will be getting gold teeth.

I am a little overwhelmed right now. We have packing to do, dentist/oil change/haircut appointments, Mother's Day teas, soccer/dance/piano/Brownies, Aaron's grandma is still in the hospital, etc. etc. My head is spinning. I've got 9 days until our vacation from everything, which, if I think about it, is going to be more like walking 8 miles a day instead of lying around on a beach. But it's going to be great, and it's got to be better than the weather we're having here! 45 degrees wtf??

I should probably get downstairs and workout. Where is the motivation? I would much rather go in the kitchen and eat Oreos. (Yes, they seduced me and I bought a box of Oreo peanut butter. Seduced!) But off I go!!

Conversations with Rug

Scene: Driving on a road we come across a trestle with graffiti written all over it.

Rug: I bet teenagers did that.

Me: I bet you are right, honey.

Rug: Well, if that was me, I'd get some paint and draw over it, "THIS IS NOT NICE. IT'S JUST A SHAME."

Me: Oh! Well I guess that might teach them.

Rug: (pause) Yeah.

Me: (silent)

Rug: Then I'd punch them in the face.

Me: That might not be a good idea.

Rug: Mommy, I promise I will not write on stuff when I'm a teenager.

Me: Good.

Rug: (Longer pause) Well, okay I'm not going to pinky-promise that though.

Discovery

Again the fates have come together and devised a plan to never allow me to be skinny.

I was innocently walking through the grocery store to get peanuts and Cracker Jax for tonight's venture to Busch Stadium tonight to watch the Cardinals play the Brewers. (you've got that song stuck in your head now don't you? :) Then it caught my eye.

Oreos.

Double Stuff.

with PEANUT BUTTER.

Yeah, they are SO plotting against me.

Druthers

I'd rather.....

have a warm soda than have lots of ice in it.

workout more to eat more than workout less and eat less.

wear T-shirts than anything else.

hang out with my kids doing nothing than go out to a smoky bar.

have a nice fresh salad than anything fried and greasy.

go out to a sit down restaurant than order in.

ride my bike than drive my car.

not tell you about that.

listen to music than watch TV.

get snail mail than email.

do the dishes than fold the laundry.

put the groceries away than go to the store and get them.

someone make me laugh than make me impressed.

keep going but I've got to go to the gym today cuz I'd rather not be fat!

Only enough we can handle???!?!?!

Dear God or whoever is running this thing:

Okay. My husband is not perfect. He cannot get the clothes into the hamper, but he certainly gets close. He doesn't send me flowers and sometimes he curses a lot.

But let's give him a break okay?

In August you let his grandpa pass away. 2 weeks later, his brother was hit by a car and put into a coma. In September you lightened up a bit and gave him a promotion, only to triple his working hours.

In January you had his back go out.

Now you have his grandmother get a hole in her intestines??? don't ya think you are working overtime here?

I know you are a workaholic, I mean, geez you created all this in 7 days without a break. Good job. But please, just take it easy on the fella. He's a good chap.

Thanks,
Jana

Top 5 men I lust besides my gorge-ous hunk of a man-husband

Because sometimes I need to entertain the "Teen Beat" girl inside of me:

5. Noah Wylie. I have watched "ER" only a handful of times, but the one episode I did watch was him getting stabbed or something, and it had this great song in the background, which I searched for and finally found and listen to every day on my iPod. The song was called "Battle Flag" and has absolutely no bearing on Noah's hotness, but whatever. Move on.

4. David Duchovny. (a friend of mine calls him "Dutch oven". Why?I personally think Duck Anchovy would be more appropriate)

3. Brad Pitt. You cannot deny him. You just can't.

2. Matthew McConaughey. Naked bongos? I'm in.

And the #1 man I so totally lust over.....

1. David Beckham. He is just wow.

Let me take a ride

Overheard in a Polly Pocket interaction played out by Dynamic Daughter duo:

Polly #1 (Alex): "That's IT. We're breaking up."

Polly #2 (Riley): "But...But...don't you know these are the best days of our lives?"

Polly #1: "yes, okay. I do not want to be late for the fireworks."

Polly #2: *firework noise* "Look! They've already started!! Let's go!"




Yes, indeed.

Relieved

Al is back from the dentist, so happy that it is over. She was not happy about the gauze she had to have stuck in her mouth for 15 minutes, so I took it out and now she is in the den watching Brother Bear, one of her favorite movies. Glad that it's over!

On the way home we were trying to make her laugh, and driving by her school, LP said, "Oh, it's only 9, let's just get your uniform on and go to school!"

Rug, turning her role as Antagonizer of Big Sister into Defender of Big Sister, yelled, "STOP making fun of her. Can't you see she's got a bunch of paper towels stuck in her mouth? I mean, really just leave her alone."

Okay there Hall Monitor, settle down, settle down.

On a different note, we were watching a Disney DVD planner last night, and when Rug saw the big statue of Walt Disney and Mickey, she yells, "Oh look! There's the Alton Giant!" She was confusing the creator of Disneyworld with the world's tallest man, whose statue is in a nearby town that my parents took them to visit a few weeks ago. LP said he'd pay her $3 to yell that when we see the real thing in Disneyworld, just to make Mommy turn red and laugh.

Hold on to your Mickey ears, Orlando, the Quas are coming and we're bringing our toothless and don't-care-what-they-say kids. Here we come!!!

Jojo

Tomorrow morning at 8 am, my little Al will be sitting in the dentist's chair. Please send her as much happy mojo as you can, she is going to need it!!

Top 5 things I just can't do

5. Grow long fingernails. I've even tried that Sally Hansen stuff, which works for about 3 days and then they just crack and I can't help myself from tearing them all the way off. And just forget about fake nails, I'd just fidget with them until they broke off too.

4. Hula-hoop. And of course my daughter Al has it mastered.

3. Keep plants alive. My dad is a Master Gardener and I do believe he thinks he's completely failed as a parent because I'm incapable of knowing the difference between an annual and my ass.

2. Hide my emotions. If you ask me to be honest about what that dress looks like and you look like Homer Simpson in his muu-muu, I might tell you it looks fine but unfortunately my face will tell you the truth. I cannot hide my facial gestures, I have tried, Lord knows. This is how my mother knew I was pregnant just by asking, "Are you okay?" and I said, "Yes." My face said, "I'm so knocked up Mother."

And the #1 thing I just cannot do and never will:

1. COOK. I envy those people who talk about whipping up something for dinner using this and that spice. That, as Cory sang in "Say Anything", will never be me. Never, no never ever. My ex-boyfriend's mom asked me what I planned on doing when I got married. "Marry someone who cooks." If she was smart enough, she could have seen my facial expression and realized that it was NOT going to be her son.

Last word: LP used to be a cook. Take that!

Smackdown!

My daughter goes to a Catholic school so i get to hear of the goings-ons in the Church first hand and very excitedly from her. When she came home yesterday with the news about the new pope, she was jumping up and down like the Beatles were coming to town.

I do not watch television very often; any information on worldly events I get from the Internet. So I went online and read up about this new pope, since he will probably be affecting my every day life with rules and regulations for my daughters to adhere to in school. (and of course the other effect of me rolling my eyes every time some new stupid rule is applied) First red flag: the Germans were calling him "ultra-conservative". I then read that New Pope actually has a slogan, just like Wendy's, except his goes like this:

"Putting the smackdown on heresy since 1981"

Now THAT is what I need in a pope! Get all dem feminists and heretics and homo-people and people with blogs in the internet talking blasphemy in one place and New Pope will WRESTLE them all into submission! Yee haw!!!!!!! I wonder if we can get that on pay-per-view?

Loving

Me in here on the computer, listening to my 5-year-old yelling, "BACKPACK!" at Dora the Explorer in the den.

God I love that kid.

Liar Liar

Where the hell is that parenting handbook that shows you how to lie to your kids?? I totally did not sign up for this when I decided to procreate.

Al has a loose tooth, and yesterday I noticed the gums around it were red. I took her to the dentist, and he proceeds to tell me nonchalantly, which I'm sure is totally unintentional because after all, he is a dentist, that he has to pull her top 4 teeth.

GAH!!!! WHAT???

What the hell is it with the Qua family and dental horrors lately? Geez!

So, he explains all this to me, I pay for the visit and put my best "white picket fence happy Mom" face and walk to the car, knowing exactly what is coming next.

"Mom?"

"Yes sweetheart?" (smiling, my teeth as white as the pearls I'm wearing that match my apron and heels)

"Is it going to hurt?"

Now, this is SO important. I cannot hesitate, because that would instantly send a red flag up to her. Nor can I say, "God yeah Al it's going to hurt like a mother. Glad I'm not you." But I do not want to LIE to her and say, "No, not at all! Bread puddin', babe." Knowing full well that in a week, this dentist will be hovering over her with pliers and gadgets that should not exist plotting to tear solid parts of her mouth out without a second thought.

So I just told her, completely avoiding the question, that this would be a great time for her to work on her "Hillbilly Moment" skit from the Amanda show.

I do not feel like I waffled on that one a bit.

Boy do I feel like a politician.

Improving

The Butterfly House was a lot of fun. Rug had a magnifying glass and was carrying it around like a little scientist. She would hold it about a foot away from the butterfly and then tell her friends to gather around. I need to start calling her Professor.

This weekend was the Rug Room Redo. She was wanting a purple room instead of the blue she has had since she was a baby (talk about not letting her grow up...I still had her MOBILE hanging in there). Friday night we made the Home Depot trip and I am proud to say I did not shower from then until last night around 8 pm.

It went fairly smoothly, and I must say working that hard certainly cured my insomnia for a couple of nights. I did have to call the mother-in-law yesterday to pick the girls up for a few hours (I do NOT do that unless it's seriously going to compromise my mental health if they stick around) as Rug broke a snow globe full of glitter in the dining room.

We also bought new closet doors for both of the girls' rooms and it's amazing how much they update the rooms! It's also amazing how crooked this house is. When he put the doors on Rug's closet, he realized that the space they'd made for the closet was lop-sided and that's why the doors dragged on the floor all the time.

Now, as I have mentioned, my darling husband is better at fixing computers than houses, but we are pretty aware of the shoddy work that was done on this house. About 2 years of living here, we started noticing several odd things, i.e. the sliding doors are put on BACKWARDS, the trim was sealed with Elmer's Glue, etc. After talking to our neighbor we learned that all the houses on our street were built by "some guy" and his buddies on the weekends! So, it is no secret that anytime we try to work on something in the house, we are pretty much risking electrocution or at the least a whole hell of a lot of frustration.

So we've held off on putting Rug's doors up unless we want it to look like "Grandpa's Fun House". Come on in kids! Laugh at how all the doors don't come close to being straight!!! Amaze at how you can't keep lightbulbs in a socket for more than a day! See the electrical gizmos that aren't grounded to anything!! But wait, there's more!! Amaze at the inability for any drain in the house to work properly!! Get your tickets fast kids cuz this family ain't gonna be living here much longer!!!!!!

parkay insect?

Tomorrow I will be headed to the Butterfly House with my youngest, Rug and her preschool class. I will also be taking along Al and her friend, and we'll be riding in the KSHE van (that's what Rug named our minivan) behind the bus.

There are a lot of beautiful flowers and what-not there, but unfortunately I do not have a kick-ass digital camera so you will have to just use your imagination as I will be taking along my Minolta 'reg-uh-ler' camera along. Cheers!

top 5 songs I cannot listen to ever

5. Two Princes- Spin Doctors
4. American Pie-MADONNA
3. Don't know much--Aaron Neville/Linda Ronstadt
2. Jungle Love- The time

and the #1 song I cannot listen to EVER is.....

1. Cat Scratch Fever- Nugent. I just do not like it, don't ask me.

Not for the weak...or men...or weak men....

A few years ago LP's best friend was living with his girlfriend and his brother, Phil. Remember these names, because I will have numerous other stories about them for another day (especially the one where he burns his dorm room down...but like I said, another day).

Phil recalled to us a story that literally made me run to the bathroom otherwise I would have let loose right then and there.

Apparently, said girlfriend was, to borrow a term from the top five, "Feelin' Menstru-iffic" and had a bit of an, er...accident. Hey it happens to the best of us. Sometimes it cannot be contained.

Anyway, I guess this girl tried to rinse out her panties to remove the offending stain and had them hanging out to dry.

Unfortunately she did not inform Aaron's brother of this.

When he got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, he grabbed the door handle only to grab onto the OFFENDING PANTIES that were hanging there.

At first, he said, he didn't realize what it was, and thought that maybe someone had gotten a 'door cozy' for the doorknob. Because doorknobs get cold, too you know.

So now every month LP asks me, "Is it door cozy time yet??"

Big show

The talent show went great last night. Al's 'Car Wash' number had the entire audience clapping and cheering. I was so proud of them. They did a great job.

Sidebar: Not to be snarky but I am...this is turned out so well as there was a little bit of 2nd grade-girl ugliness with another girl in the talent show i.e. "you can't be in our act" etc...--not to be snarky, as I said!! (but I am)

One of the dads made the comment that "she must have learned to shake it from her mother". I simply stated, "Well obviously you have not seen LP after a few beers listening to some George Michael. That man can SHAKE it."

Tall Ant

Today is Al's talent show. She is doing a dance with some of her friends to "Car Wash". It is really cute and I can't wait to see it!

Al is my Golden Child. When put upon, she can do anything. Sing, dance, swim, play soccer, write stories, draw, get straight A's. She can hula-hoop for over 4 minutes straight. She amazes me. Nothing that child can do. (except whistle, which Rug CAN do and does so proudly and as often as she can in her sister's face)

I did not do this to her. I cannot sew a button on a shirt, so all this talent came from elsewhere. Unfortunately she did inherit my worst trait: SENSITIVITY. God it's awful.

Yesterday I was making fun and I said, "Al guess what! We're going to your favorite place in the world!"

"Where?" she says, excitedly.

"The GROCERY store!!!!" I know she hates it, I was being my sarcastic self.

She bursts into tears. "Don't do that to me Mommy! That's not nice!!"

God I felt thiiiiis big. But such is the life living with a smaller version of myself. My mother was so right when she cursed me with, "Just you wait. One of these days you'll have a daughter."

Danger Will Robinson

The other day I had an old photo album out showing my daughters a picture of me when I went to Disney World when I was 7. LP was flipping around when he stopped. He pointed to a picture and said, "What the hell is THIS??"

I looked at the offending picture (thanking God it wasn't that one I thought he'd found) and could not understand what the problem was.

"That is a picture taken at my great-grandma's house for our family reunion when I was like 11."

"Yeah, but what is that in the front?"

"Oh, that was my cousin's robot he won. It was like 1985 and he won a robot. He could bring you things and you could program him to say stuff. My brother made it tell me I smelled like feet."

"Okay, but you put the robot in the picture of the entire FAMILY?"

"Well...yeah."

He kind of looked at me and I guess I should have realized that having a robot in a picture of your family reunion probably isn't the most normal thing ever.

I don't think we wanted to hurt the robot's feelings and then it'd turn ugly, you know, like Maximum Overdrive or something.

Blogging

I was reading a blog the other day about writing more for others than yourself, and I found I could relate. One of the reasons I started a blog was to capture moments in my life that take too long to write in a journal. But sometimes instead of writing what happened I may think of something else, because hello, my life is pretty boring sometimes. Today for example, I did laundry and clean up from yesterday, took the girls to school, went to the dentist, came home. Woo hoo. I do not have dooce's ability to make this one funny. But at least I can look back and think, "that is the day I did laundry and went to the dentist!"

Thank you to all the bloggers out there, I love getting to share in your lives even if you don't know me and I don't know you!

Scattered Pictures

Do you have any memories of your mom just totally freaking out about something when you were little? My mom, who Aaron lovingly refers to as Sandbags (name is Sandy) has always bit a bit on the hyper side, so I have a lot of these memories.

Now my daughter has one about me.

All she wanted was a Precious Moments cake for her 1st communion. I have tried to deter this affection toward doe-eyed figurines to no avail. She loves them. So I thought I could deliver what she wanted; if a Moment de Precious is what she wanted, that is what she'd get.

Yeah, even in the Precious Moments capital of the world (http://www.preciousmoments.com/park/attractions/), I could not find a cake.

Sooo, I went on eBay and got an edible image to put on an iced cake. Brilliant right?

It ripped when I tried to put it on. I screamed an expletive (this was not yet the freak out part unfortunately) and Al said, "It's alright Mom, you can just get some icing and draw one." So sweet she is.

LP used an Exacto knife and tried to salvage as much as possible, but it looked pretty bad. So I went up to Schnucks (yes that's our local grocery store) and got some cake roses and some icing gel.

When I got home and opened the pack of roses, they BROKE.

So did I.

And Al watched me as I screamed and kicked and shouted, "FUCK! FUCK!!! MOTHERFUCKING ROSES!" (don't believe that has ever come out of my mouth prior)

I was able to salvage some and I used some sprinkles to cover up the rips and tears in the edible image, and I had just enough icing gel to put her name on the cake.

When she woke up and saw the cake, she said it was the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

I am so embarrassed. I promise Al honey, I'll pay for that session of therapy.

top 5 of my favorite coversongs

I decided instead of the worst I'd do the best. I dunno, guess it's the sunny day that's making me want to be positive instead of negative!!!

And another disclaimer, there are SO many cover songs I love so this is probably just the top 5 I can think of off the top of my bloggin' head.


5. "Wild Horses" the Sundays/Stones

4. "All Along the Watchtower" Hendrix/Dylan

3. "Crimson and Clover" Joan Jett/Shondells

2. "I will Always Love you" Whitney Houston/Dolly Parton *I know, but man that girl can sing. And I am totally sticking by this even if she's on crack or if not. It's good! It's good!

and my #1 favorite all time cover song is......

1. "Boyz in the Hood" Dynamite Hack/NWA

Consolation prize: I heard Ben Harper redo "Sexual Healing" on Sirius the other day and it was FANTASTIC. And I did download the Scissor Sisters take of "Comfortably Numb' although my husband rolls his eyes when I play it!

I'd love to hear other people's favorites!

didn't I say it was all about me?

Stolen from paintergirl:

Accent: Midwestern. And I say 'soda' not 'pop' you crazies.
Bra size: Padded
Chore I hate: Making beds
Dad's name: William Joseph Jr.
Essential makeup: Mascara
favorite perfume: Ralph Lauren Blue
Gold or silver: silver
Hometown: Belleville, or Belle-vegas as it's known
Job Title: Ruler of the Janasayqua universe
Kids: 2, Rug 5 and Al 7 and on occasion LP 31
Living arrangements: brick ranch on a cul-de-sac. Sometimes I have to sleep on the couch when LP snores though
Mom's birthplace: Sterling Illinois
Number of apples eaten last week: 2
Overnight hospital stays: 2 for births, 1 for infection, 1 for own birth
Phobias: FLYING
Question you ask yourself a lot: "Why the hell did I just do that?"
Religious affiliation: Catholic but we're just affiliated.
Siblings: One brother Joe
Time I wake up: between 6 and 7
Unnatural hair color: Blonde
Natural hair color: Dark, dark blonde
Vegetable I refuse to eat: Carrots
Worst habit: Sitting on the computer when I should be doing (insert numerous things here)
X-rays: teeth, lungs, toe
Yummy food I make: Cranberry chocolate bars, turkey spaghetti
Zodiac sign: Libra
Favorite (Drinking) Toast:May you live as long as you want to...and want to as long as you live
Place you'd like to visit: Australia

Grrrrrrrr

I typed up this fantastic post last night only for it to be lost in cyberspace. I talked to my husband about possibly helping me out with getting some webspace so I don't have to deal with it, and he laughed. I'm not exactly the most savvy of a computer geek, and he thinks it's cute that I'm being ambitious enough to try and have my own website. Which it is I guess. But dammit I have opinions that must be heard!

Plus I told him we're buying a better digital camera because i want to post my pictures of Rug crying when she doesnt' get her way and Al doing her best imitation of my Mother. (oh my god I love that kid)

Today Al is staying the night at a friend's house and we are taking LP's brother to play pool. He is doing great by the way, almost completely healed. He still has therapy 5x a week but that should only be for another 6 months.

This weekend we have Al's 1st Communion and soccer so we will be busy. All the in-laws in one place at the same time. Serenity NOW!

Have a great weekend y'all.

Pass this in study hall

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7411079/

Seriously folks, I think we're in deep trouble when our senators are arguing over a note passed in study hall. Next thing you know they are meeting behind the dumpster after Congress lets out and someone is gonna get suspended.

Taxpayers at work! At least it wasn't a 'memo' about someone on steroids!! Ooooooh that might get you booted from the Glee club!

Grateful

A lot of days being a SAHM (stay at home mom or Shit Ass Ho Motherfu**er) are endless, thankless and you don't get finished until bedtime (upon which time your husband suddenly wants your immediate attention).

Yesterday was not one of those days.

With the weather in the 70s and the sun out, I took Rug on the bike trail. She rode her bike and I roller bladed. We saw chipmunks, butterflies, birds, and all kinds of different flowers. She sang me songs she wrote, entitled "Flower Flower" and "She'll be Missed", we found shapes in the clouds, we picked flowers, we played on the swingset and enjoyed each other.

I won't remember all those vacuuming, laundry doing, dusting, dish-washing times. These are the days I will remember!!

Karma

Today Rug tells me she stepped on a gumball yesterday, and sure enough, there is part of the gumball stuck in her foot. I had to send her to preschool that way since she would not let me touch it. I warned her, if I didn't get it out, Daddy would and that would not be something she would want. But, tra-la-la, off she goes.

When LP gets home, we literally have to strap her down and hold her to get the thing out. I am so surprised the neighbors did not call the police. All they heard was, "NO! NOT THE TWEEZERS! OH GOD NO NOT THE TWEEZERS!!" They probably thought, God, what kind of sickos do we live next to? Tweezers? What kind of un-American torture is that? What happened to just sending them to time out?

He finally got it out after numerous bouts of hyperventilating, and I took her to the frozen custard stand for some marshmallow delight.

I wish I would've gotten that episode on video. They could show that to the teenagers in health class!

Guilty on all counts

Rug (age 5) asked me yesterday if she could spray the Febreze 'near the litter box'. Me, being in the kitchen and since the litter box is in the computer room, tells her, 'sure honey!' totally oblivious to the fact that my older daughter was at THAT moment, cleaning OUT the litter box.

5...4...3...2...1...

"MY EYES! MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!"

Talk about premeditated.

all about me

Because I should be cleaning my house, instead I'm doing stuff like Google-ing my name. So there is no confusion, THIS

http://www.jananation.homestead.com/JNHomepage.html

is NOT me. But I am like, 1/32 Native American so maybe she and I can do a Jana tour someday. All I have to do is learn to sing and have a little plastic surgery to look like her.

But I do like this:

Everything to do withJana .eBay.com

What more can I girl ask??

Man I guess I really do need to find some Scissor Sisters to get my butt going to clean this house!

Rip off!!!

Of course I know that creating a top 5 list was far from original, but I didn't realize this site existed!!

www.topfive.com

Anyway, it is very funny and I will have to rip it off some more, cuz it's funny. Here's a good one:

The Top 15 Euphemisms for "Getting Your Period"

Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
Trolling for Vampires
A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
Saddling Old Rusty
Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
Clean-Up in Aisle One
Massacre at the Y
T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
Game Day for the Crimson Tide
Panty Shields Up, Captain!
Taking Carrie to the Prom
Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
and the Number 1 Euphemism for "Getting Your Period"...
Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System


Now I have to go get my daughter out of the bathtub. She just asked me why I don't have a tattoo and can she go and get one. I sure hope it's skull and cross bones she wants!