Monday, July 16, 2007


*Catalyst is a great word, no? I just love saying it. It's almost as good as 'prickly', or 'brilliant'.

My mother thinks the Internet is only good for gay porn. She is convinced of this, because she once had Internet service and it gave her tons of gay Spam. Now, I think she secretly enjoyed it, because she has been intrigued by the gays since Lawrence Welk, but will never admit it. Me on the other hand would gladly watch "Lord of the Cock Rings" without batting an eye.

But if my mother were to be able to get past the man in leather pants, she would see the Internet that has helped ME through a mental breakdown and helped me get past a very difficult crossroads in my life. If you are reading this then you are more than likely one of the readers who has helped me and talked me down from the ledge, and I am so thankful for you in my life, even if I know you only from typed words on a screen!

I've spent much of the past few weeks dealing with several things, frustration with my friends, family AND clergy members. With all the words given to me, I realize it comes down to one thing.


Not necessarily the forgiveness like "I'm sorry" so much, but also forgiving of the stupid things that arise...when your husband just cannot seem to grasp the idea of a laundry hamper, when your in-laws have to brag about the money they spend on your children, when you've asked your kids for the 15,384 time to get their shoes on...or even when a priest tells you you're going to's not so much not caring that these things have happened, but being willing to MOVE ON and not let them completely eat away at you is the key.

Holding grudges is the heaviest load to carry.

This holds true for yourself as well. Nobody is perfect or even close to being so. Forgiving yourself is more important than just about anything. This, Susie, is what I need tattooed on my head.

The main thing (and was the Catalyst for me, the AHA moment that made me go outside and breath the fresh air) was a post written by Hoss, the leader of my one-person Army. He wrote that wasting time lamenting about what could have been or what might be is just that, a waste of time. I yam what I yam, and that's what makes me great. I hope Hoss reincarnates himself as chocolate, because then he would be omnipresent in my house.

My outlook this week is Sunny, bright and I'm bursting with opportunity. Just when you think you're done for, someone decides to pick you up. Thanks everyone (you and you rock!) for strapping me back in the roller coaster. I'm ready for the next loop-de-loop.

Which happened last night btw...I haven't been paid in a month from my job! But that's OK, I've always known career-wise that it happens for a reason and I'm just waiting for the other door to open!

Last of all, it has been a week since I've talked about my I can tell you Miss M has successfully started crawling and TORMENTING my poor cats...and here is proof positive that I am able to forgive:

So it goes, right?

1 comment:

Susie said...

This post looks very good on you. I am a big fan of forgiveness. I find it expedient. I do believe, however, that each of us must come to that awareness by our own path. Looks like you found your path. You might stray from it some time; that's OK, it happens. But once you've been there, you know it exists, and it gets you where you need to go faster and better than many other paths. AND that baby is still delishus.