Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Sticker

As a parent, my main goal in life is to raise my children with good morals, values, and a sense of empowerment. I am also obligated, in being a GOOD parent, to instill in them a love for knowledge, both intellectual and physical.

In the Say Qua household, grades are far more important than any soccer goal, any basketball shot, or time on the swim meet clock. There is a sticker in my daughter's rom that reads, "Popularity won't help you succeed...but those grades on your report card sure will." This is the environment we live in. And believe in, quite frankly.

5th grade is the beginning of the Honor Roll. From 5th grade until 8th grade, every grade is tallied, written on their permanent record, for each child in hopes of becoming Valedictorian of their graduating class. At this point, I am not even sure I spelled 'valedictorian' correctly.

Which brings us to THE STICKER.

After only ONE quarter (not even a semester!) of being on the honor roll, each student instantly earns a "I am the Proud Parent of an HONOR ROLL Student" bumper sticker. Not a free pizza day, or maybe a non-uniform day, but a sticker.

To put on my very clean, very pristine, very non-stickered minivan.

It came home with a lot of fanfare. "Look Mom!! Are you going to put it on right now? Are ya? HUH?"

My first thought was, this is why our schools are failing us, jeebus one quarter and they get rewarded? Are you kidding? Then i thought, well she worked hard for it, what is stopping you from putting that...RED sticker on your BLUE car?

I'm not a shallow person. I believe I'm a quasi-educated individual. But for Albert Einstein's sake, I do not want that thing on my car.

So I flaked. "Well, let's wait until you get on the Honor Roll at least for a semester. THEN we will see." Ok, she agreed to that, it seemed fair.

That was last week. She got on it again. Straight A's. Honors. WITH DISTINCTION.

Couldn't they give me a sticker that said, "My kid has Honors with Distinction and yours doesn't"? That would be much cooler.

Or at least make it a clingee type sticker. That way LP won't be out there scraping the residue off when I trade my minivan in for that beautiful Jaguar convertible (yes, that WILL TO happen, and obviously I'm not going to be the one scraping that off, ew).

It's going to be a tough one. Trying to figure a way out of the Sticker. The guilt may just eat me alive.

Maybe I'll sell it to one of the kids who didn't make the honor roll, and take AL out to the Cheesecake Factory instead!

Now THAT is edumucation thinkin'!


Susie said...

Oh, dear. I've never had a bumpersticker on a car. I don't want one, don't like them . . .
But I'm thinkin', you're gonna have to bite the bullet (the bumper?) on this one ;)

kalki said...

Oh, this is hilarious! And the truth is, I have totally seen those bumper stickers and thought to myself, "Dear god, what if I have kids some day and have to stick one of those hideous things on my car?!"

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Tell her you're saving it for a scrapbook. Explain that you will have a scrapbook lots longer than you will have a car.

Don't forget to buy scrapbook materials.