Wednesday, March 07, 2007


Well I'm officially insane, just like Sting. He said he'd be 'certified insane' if he ever toured with the Police again, and he is.

LP and I are going to see them in July in St. Louis and I just made one of the wealthiest men in Britain richer.

I'm still reeling at how much the tickets were, but I've got my priorities. Not clothes, shoes, expensive cars, just concert tickets. God what a complete dork. At least I'm not investing in comic book conventions--yet anyway.

In other splurge-worthy news, LP and I bought a Total Gym last night. I've been wanting one for a long time, and of course I wanted to tricked out model, but could not afford it (as I had tickets to the Police to buy!). I tried it this morning, and it was a pretty good workout. My goal is to lose 20 'post-baby' pounds by June 1st. I have to be in shape to run in the Susan Komen 5K by June 17. It's not even an option to lose any less. I WILL lose 20 lbs. I have no choice.

Since having Makenna I've been inundated with infomercials at 4 a.m. feedings on TV, and the Total Gym was always one of them, endorsed by none other than Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. In honor of Chuck and his amazing abilities, I will re-post some of the lesser-known Chuck Norris facts:

  1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
  6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
  9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
  10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  12. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  13. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  14. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  15. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

1 comment:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Oh Jana, this is terrific. Beyond terrific, in fact.