army of one

This is my full-page ad in Variety for Hoss who is so awesome and is in my Army, thanks Hoss for your unwavering support of Vajanaland. I am in your debt forever and will certainly help out in any way with you making Your Pile.

Hoss kicks ass.

My new favorite song

Courtesy of Tracy Chapman:

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of god and love,
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?

Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses?
How much regret?

What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

I'd drape myself in velvet if it was socially acceptable

OooooooOOooohh what a day. Good day!

1. LP let me sleep in! SLEEP IN!!! Then of course Riley comes up and say, "Mommy! Time to get up! Why aren't you up?" at 8:00 a.m. So much for the sleep in.

2. LP fixed the computer situation! Our computers were in a big tangled mess of wires and such all week and he made it all nice n' pretty. He does so love me.

3. Two soccer game wins!! Both of my girls scored goals today (riley had a hat trick!) which is not real common as Alex usually plays midfield and Riley, well, she usually misses the goal. So that was great, although I didn't get to see Riley's game cuz I had to sell some Girl Scout cookies with Alex. (I did tell you I was a soccer mom extraordinaire, didn't i?)

4. My friend Sarah called me and set up a dinner date. Dinner dates with adults kick ass. If you do not have children, disregard; you just keep living your cute little single life and call me in a few years, then you'll understand.

5. LP and I got to watch "Friday" together. Granted it was edited, but crap that is funny. Macaroni!

6. I made some red velvet cupcakes!! In my household, when it is your birthday, it is not just one day, whatever weekend is near it is officially deemed Your Birthday Weekend. So it is mine, and by golly every year I make myself some red velvet cupcakes. And I eat them. All of them.

7. Each day on Your Birthday Weekend you get presents. I got some special little things today from Victoria's Secret. They're real and they are fabulous.

8. I went on a bike ride with my daughter Riley. Bike rides are on my list of the best things in life. And if you'd like we can sing Hall and Oates together and say that your kiss is also on said list as well.

9. I drank NO caffeine today so sleeping tonight might very well be a possibility.

10. Okay so this wasn't today but it was last night---we ordered our fridge and our microwave and our cabinets for our new kitchen that should be done by Halloween!!!

Yay it is great to be in Vajanaland to-DAY. Mmm.

spfriday
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

SPD stuff portrait Friday

Stuff Portrait Friday
Hello everybody! Well I am finally able to participate this week, albeit I am cheating a little bit. Kristine is busy buying new furniture and getting all domestic on us so our topic this week is:

*your cell phone
*your camera
*something you bought but didn't meet your expectations or something like that.

My insomnia has kicked me in the ass full throttle this week and I am running low on steam. Ergo I'm cranky. We go to Home Depot tonight to pay for all this business and hopefully, hopefully, we will have our cabinets in our kitchen by Halloween. I'm extremely excited.Have a great weekend everyone, and if you can give me ideas for some top 5 lists to share, let me know, my insomniac brain is empty.

My camera

canoncamera
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

This is the one I got for Mother's Day. It works well, takes good pictures, but if you recall I had the "18" error that rendered it useless. Now that I am a working gal though, I'm saving my pennies up for that BAMF D70. Someday it shall be mine!

jak2

jak2
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I'm not a total gamer geek but my daughter and I do like to play Playstation together. We bought Jak and Daxter several years ago and were addicted. So we were thrilled when Jak 2 was arriving. I bought it, and lo and behold Jak is throwing around "asshole" and "pissed off" etc. etc. Plus it was too hard for my kid to do, so we were very, very sad. The only thing that has come close is this game "Destroy all Humans" which is great cuz you can pretend you're extracting the brains from people you dislike (not that I would do that...georgew...or anything...). Good healthy times.

My cellphone

show_motorola_v220
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I love my cellphone. I still have the "Peanuts" theme on it, haven't found anything else I like. I do wish I had the ability to get the incoming ring changed, if so of course it would be Rick Springfield. Or maybe, the Muppet Show theme song. "This...is what we call the Muppet SHoooooooow" There, I've freaked out Cat enough this week so she will have more Muppet flashbacks.

no buns in this oven!

LP really, really wants another kid. It is a fight that has been going since the day after my youngest was born. That was almost 6 years ago. Who knows, maybe he will win the fight. But not yet. Anyway, I remember how it felt and I still have mixed feelings about it...I loved having a baby doing somersaults in my abdomen, but on other days I felt like just sitting around eating ice cream.

The only time my husband came close to getting shot was the day he told me, "You know, if you exercise more during pregnancy, labor will be quicker!"

Yeah, he almost lost a specific body part on that one.

So today since I could not come up with my own top 5, is this jewel list I found over at TopFive. Enjoy! Oh and by the way, my youngest was also born 4 days before the Rams won the Superbowl in 2000. I cut it close, I know. But he showed up, I was happy!

The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
"Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
"Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"
"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
"Got milk?"
"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."


TopFive's Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant Wife...
"You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardass."

from the dead

I really want to show you the brand new cups I got from the Italianfest but I am using our old computer to type. Do not ask me why, LP is the computer whiz in this coupling, not me. All I know is I've got my 'work' computer and my "google" computer and that is all I need to know! So, no cup pics for now, I will try to work my magic by tomorrow though.

The weekend was a blur of drinking and soccer games, unfortnately not at the same time. Out of 5 games, my kids are 2-2-1. Not too bad. those soccer parents are psychotic though, I think I've mentioned that. Some lady had a friggin' COWBELL and whenever they scored she rang it. Oh and yes, she had a soccer umbrella too, how did you know? Crazies!

Here is a shocker: I COOKED DINNER last night. This does not happen often. But now I'm back at home so I feel obligated to do it. I made bacon cheeseburger meatloaf, it was deelish. I hated meatloaf as a kid, but buy this is some good stuff.

The guys came to do a final measure for our kitchen and he was supposed to call yesterday but he did not. I am beginning to wonder if this whole kitchen remodel is a figment of my imagination, it just does not seem like it is ever going to come to fruition. Is that too many "tions" in one sentence? Great now I have that song in my head "T-I-O-N tion tion tion tion" Does anyone else remember that or just me?

Hmm. I reread this and I've realized this caffeine has absolutely kicked in. You know I'm not supposed to drink caffeine! What was I thinking? Why didn't you stop me??

My daughters have been entertaining me with totally not getting song lyrics correct. Here is a sample:

R singing: "Let the rain fall down and bake my beans, let it wash away my celery"
Right lyrics: Let the rain fall down, and wake my dreams let it wash away my sanity"

R singing: "What a girl wants what a girl needs, why don't you take me back to the 70s"
Right lyrics: "What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes me happy sets you free"

Hee hee she cracks me up. Also my other daughter was telling me about this dream where she was in "Oprah" and how the audience was clapping and I said, "What? You were on Oprah?" And she said, "Yeah, I was singing Oprah, like the lady does with the hat with the horns on her head." I laughed, "Oh, you mean, you were singing OPERA."

I've got a cultured bunch of kids don't I??

That is all for now, have a great Tuesday!

Saturday night's alright

I need a strategy. What do you do when you are friends with a couple that fight in public? This weekend, some friends of ours got into it with each other and LP had gone to get a beer, so it was just me standing there with the two of them. Normally I would try to be witty, okay well actually LP would be witty most of the time and cool the tension a little bit...but this one caught me off guard cuz she was PISSED at him and I was not about to take sides. So I just stood there. Did nothing. Whistled, made absolutely sure there was no lint on my shirt.

So, tell me, what is the proper etiquette when friends are fighting and you are not involved? i need help here people!! I'm pretty positive there will be another fight like this in the future!!!

Reach out, reach out and touch someone

This has been a very, very trying week. I was supposed to start working from home MONDAY but now it is being delayed until next WEEK which really sucks monkey ass but that is alright, I will tough it out. The one hour commute also sucks monkey ass but again, the music is great. I got busted by one of my friends belting out "Kentucky Woman" on the road. How can I deny Neil though? And then of course I have the Foo Fighters CD in there that is my new crack.

In order for this work from home thing to work, I am required to have two new phone lines. About a week ago, LP called the phone company to come out to put them in, which occurred without incident.

Immediately afterward, our phone stopped ringing. My mother, who needs to be in constant contact with me, called my cell phone and said she had called our house several times. No ringing.

THEN it just started ringing and ringing at odd moments during the day (yeah like two o'clock in the morning) and when we'd pick it up there was just a dial tone. That's fun to do several times in the night when you're attempting to go to sleep (and does wonders for my insomnia)!

In addition, like an idiot I programmed our phone to play the 1812 Overture so whenever it rings, I feel like Russians are going to come in and ransack the place.

LP called the phone company again, wanting someone to come and look at it and telling them to call him at work since he cannot get any calls AT HOME.

And they called him at home.

That night, he decided to forward all the calls coming to the house to his cell phone. That worked, and we went out to dinner and didn't miss any calls. LP was happy, I was happy. My mom was happy, and I think she was the only one that even called.

The next day, the phone company called LP AGAIN at home but since his calls were forwarded to his cell, he got the call that they were coming at 2.

Around 2:30, LP gets this message on his cell phone, from Todd the phone guy, or Sherlock as we shall now call him: "Uh, yeah, Mr. LP, we visited your house today and found the problem. Apparently all your calls are being forwarded to a different phone. But I fixed it."

!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, we are in lots and lots of trouble.

incredible

incredible
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Yeah, I've got nothing today, so I just thought I'd give you a picture of us at DisneyWorld to start off the week.

Have a great one everybody!

wtf?

I woke up this morning to read some blogs and realized I could not even read my OWN. The thing was entirely blank. Has this been happening? WTF??

Sweetest Taboo

Today was my last day of training. I think it has gone really well, even though I've been completely inundated with more medical terms than my little blonde brain can handle. I will start working from home on Monday.

Now let me tell you about my day yesterday.

On this blog, there are a few things I have chosen NOT to talk about or have yet to talk about. These things include:

1. My boobs
2. My sex life
3. Poop

I recognize that there are several blogs out there that LIKE to talk about these things, and that is totally fantabulouso. I just don't. It is not that I am uptight. Or because certain uncles make fun of me (I'll plead the 5th on that one). It is because:

1. My boobs are pretty much unremarkable, unless we're counting stretch marks,
2. My sex life needs no alteration and is incredible so why boast?
3. Poop is just one of those things that does not get along with me, and since I have the exact OPPOSITE problem with poop that Dooce does, well, it is not as 'cute' to talk about.

But as my husband likes to say, bones and rules are meant for breakin'. So in this post, I will talk about ALL THREE. For you, my readers. The two or three that have stuck it out, at least, during the Training Years.

Okay, so I wake up yesterday fresh as a daisy, ready to seize the day. I have been taking my husband's car, a Civic, instead of our minivan cuz, well DUH I'm driving farther away and it's pretty ignorant of me to drive a van that seats 7 an hour away when gas is over $3.00/gallon. So I'm STOKED cuz the girls and I are out of the house BEFORE the 7:35 mark, the 7:35 mark that says, "guess what? You're gonna have to get those shoes a runnin cuz the bell is about to ring". But today, we were ON TIME. Woo hoo for us.

I grab my water bottle, and I turn the key in the ignition.

And right then is usually when the car starts and we drive away.

Yeah, IT DIDN'T.

Dead. Batt'ry. As. A. Doornail.

I'm calling all the neighbors I can think of and okay, it's 7:30 so they are STILL IN BED. My neighbor across the street says she can get my kids to school, but none of us have jumper cables (least I'm not the only one who was passing notes in driver's ed...) so I had to call LP and he drove home from work.

I must give props to Alex though, every single day she is freaking out about being late for school, "Are we late? Are we late?" and the ONE time we are late for school, she's all, "Feh, no big deal."
Thank GOD there was no freaking out or hyperventilating, I don't think I could have handled it.

I stand in my driveway waiting for LP, thinking, "iwillnotfreakiwillnotfreakiwillnotfreak" cuz you know, I keep thinking how badly this will look, my first couple of weeks at my job and I call, "Yeah, I'm going to be an hour late, s'okay?" and they are probably thinking, "what the hell kind of flake did we just hire???" See, this is my way of thinking. I know, Stuart Smalley would call it stinkin' thinkin. Ah, but I digress.

I finally make it to work, and fortunately they were very cool about it. Another plus for me.

Now here is the thing. How do people go all day long in a small office without pooping? I am sorry, but I CANNOT be the one who has caused that bomb to go off in the office. And I don't care how cute you are, or how little your poops are, PEOPLE KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE POOPED. And I can't handle that. And, as I mentioned before, my gastrointestinal insides have never, never ever agreed with me and this causes further strife for yours truly.

Well I had held it in and it was time to leave and I had to GO. BAD. I was meeting some people at 4 but I knew there was no way I was going to make it so I stopped at a gas station to use their bathroom.

Do you see the 3 things wrong with that sentence? "Gas" "Station" "Bathroom". What was I thinking????

I was thinking, my intestines are going to blow if they are not released soon.

It was locked.

I got the key from the attendant.

And....NO toilet paper. And NO paper towels.

I sob. So I have to go to at the place I was meeting my friends and do my 'delivery' and of course when you walk out of a bathroom that smells like cinnamon spice, everyone knows what you just did.

I go home, and by this time I was just ready to call it a day, but I saw LP and wanted some loving, so we crawled into bed, ready to cuddle and....

yeah I fell asleep.

BUT WAIT! It gets better. I fall asleep, and then about 30 minutes later I wake up, and CANNOT FALL BACK ASLEEP. I stayed up watching "twilight Zone" until 1 a.m.

See, this is why I do not speak of these things. Nothing good can come from it.

Oh and the boobs? Yeah, I realized around 3 o'clock my shirt was open to where you could totally see my right boob the whole day.

We will now return to Vajana's Wide World that Does not Include Boobies, Sex or Poop. I think it is just better off that way.

Squirrly

Here is a very blog-friendly way to help out with the Katrina victims...Amanda, one of my regular blog stops, has been directly affected by the hurricane whore. So her friend ScottyG has created some T-shirts to sell and is selling the proceeds to her and her family, squirrels included. I am already awaiting my squirrly shirt, go get yourself one too!!!!!

SPD Friday--no theme, but at least I participated this week!!! Damn!

SPD has eluded me for the last few weeks as I've been up to my ears in kindergarten-ness, work-ness and sick-ness. So even though I have laundry to do, clothes to iron and lunches to pack, I KNOW MY PRIORITIES. And it's all for you. SPD--Stuff Portrait Friday is usually brought to us by Kristine, but since she is partying it up with fellow bloggers, Pissy Britches and RSG, well, she's AWOL and more power to her. So Renee has helped us out with the assigment for the week....

1. Your trunk. I could've taken a picture of my ass, but the computer adds 30 pounds.

2. Your favorite alcoholic drink. Or was it just drink? I dunno, I was drunk when i read it.

3. Your dishes. Oh god I just heard a bunch of stuff falling in the other room, I guess I'd better go. Enjoy!!

dishes

dishes
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

My dishes. LP likes to say, "We don't have any fine china, it's more like Bangledesh." When we got married it was, uh, how you say, a SHOTGUN wedding, ergo instead of a bridal shower we had a BABY shower. Thus, no registry, no fancy gifts, nada. So we got these fine dishes one year at Pennys on sale. And I like them. As for the cups, well, in this fine city I live in, the locals here have a tradition called the "Italianfest" where they block off Main street and it is wall to wall DRINKING. Each year you get your beers in these nice cups. They last about a year, so as you can see, the next Italianfest is on the 17th cuz it's time for some new cups!!! And believe you me, I will have no problem at all spending my hard earned money so we can have more cups. See, it's my JOB to make sure we have decent things to drink out of. My duty. And if it means I have to drink beer to get said cups, well, I guess I will just have to do it.

what I drink

riesling
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I'm not a sophisticated lady. I do not ask for much. I'm what you call super duper-way-lower-than-a-furniture-stores-low-prices-LOW maintenance. A friend of ours gave us this riesling once for a party and I've been hooked on it ever since. Yes i get it from Sam's. Yes I get wasted on it. Yes I drink the whole bottle. No there will be no pictorial evidence of that occurring. Not this week anyway. That's not the assigment.

trunk

trunk
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Well this is it. The life of a soccer mom. Chairs to sit at the games, blankets for the grass or to stay warm, water bottles. Move on to the next picture, this is making me look like a total LOSAH.