I was seven.

I was playing at my neighbor's house, probably playing house like we always did. House rules, that was our thing. If she wanted to be the mom, and I had to be the dog, that was fine, it was her house.

Her mom opened the door to her room and said, "Go home and tell your mother right now that John Lennon was shot and killed." Her voice was cracking, and I knew this was a message I needed to get to her right away. It was morning so that meant cleaning and waxing the floors, Mom would not be listening to the radio or TV.

I was anxious to see my mother's reaction, I didn't know who he was but I knew I recognized his name. I burst into the kitchen and said, "Mom, Mrs. Keen told me to tell you John Lennon is dead. He was shot."

She stopped what she was doing, and just looked out the window. She started to cry, not weepy crying, just tears down her face.

"He was in a rock band right?"

"Yes, the Beatles."

Well then I knew. The Beatles were a regular on our radios and record players growing up. We knew all the words to their songs, and would sit for hours staring at Sgt. Pepper's record cover trying to find something new.

Years later I did a report on the Beatles for my high school speech class and learned more about John Lennon than I ever knew. He was an absolutely amazing individual.

Read here for other people's memories of the man who was shot 25 years ago today.

Well, the Frog has come and gone, the Christmas Bazaar has come and gone (thank goodness!) and my Girls weekend is gone too. The rest of December should be easy breezy.

I am fielding a LOT of questions this year about Santa ("How much income does he make?" "Does he ever go shopping at the mall?") so I need to make sure my daughters know he is alive, well, and totally exists. Maybe I can get him to email them or something. I know he is busy.

It is frickin cold here today, I think when I took the girls to school it was 15 degrees. No thank you.

Well I have little to nothing to say this morning, just wanted to say I'm still here.

P.S. I know you all are Tivo'ing each and every time Rick Springfield is on GH, right?

Crazy Legs!!

Crazy Legs is here!!! Check him out at his blog: Crazy Legs

I hope he doesn't get too croaked up about his stay with us. *snicker snicker*

if i can make it....

DSC00513
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

...through this week I can make it anywhere!

So much time so little to do...wait...strike that...reverse it.

Christmas Bazaar for the girls school is this week and your truly is the official Grand Mompah of it. I never thought this would happen in a million years. I wonder if the other moms will be okay with all the cursing that will ensue today.

And the kitchen...ah, yes, the kitchen. Floor is in, countertops are not, neither is a backsplash. Soon though, pictures soon my grasshoppers!!

Vajana's Very Vulnerable

frozone
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I am very sick. Don't seem to be getting any better. I don't even have the whatever it is to go blogging, so I am sorry if I have not visited any of you lately. My mama insists its too much all at once, and she is probably right. I am whipped. Or whupped. Whatev.

I also realize I have neglected my Flickr account. 22% used this month and it's the last week! That's pathetic! Although I do have a good excuse, the USB cord is lingering in misplacedom since the kitchen redo, so I cannot offload any of my Stuff portrait pictures OR any awesome pics of my new house! (can you believe I again did not take any before pics of the master bath? Duh!) So this week you will be getting a retrospect...pictures already downloaded onto my computer and YEAH they will mostly be of DisneyWorld so get over it.

This weekend was also the Weekend of the Remodel and then Falling on the Couch completely Exhausted and Watching Movies on our New TV.

The first movie we chose was "The Incredibles". Love that movie.

"For the greater good woman!"

Part 3

atat
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Saturday night of the Weekend of Remodeling and Lying on the Couch Exhausted watching Movies we chose to watch "Star Wars- Revenge of the Sith" in high definition. Wow was it amazing. God that movie is just a downer though huh?! Mmm but Ewan McGregor--whew he is a saucy one. Mamma like.

Every time a bell rings....

IMG_0239
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I also realized this weekend that neither one of my children has seen one of my all time favorite Christmas movies, so i must go buy it somewhere and allow them to see it.

I bet as soon as they realize it's in black and white they will totally be not interested. Oh well, that just means time to myself!!!

still here

Did you think I had abandoned you? Well, I guess I did there for a little while. Things are quite insane around here. The cabinets are done, but the countertops won't be in until next week. I am in the process of painting our other bathroom today. LP went and got himself a nice TOY so he has been busy messing with that. I have to put up the Christmas decor this weekend, because my friends and I are going for a 'girls shopping' weekend next weekend down to the Ozarks. I cannot wait.

We pissed everyone off this year by announcing that next year we would NOT be going anywhere for Thanksgiving, that we'd have it at our house. We have 3 difference places to go to, and it is chaotic and very filling to say the least. Try eating 3 turkey dinners in one day. Not so easy. So they were all mad, whatever. We make the trek for Christmas, his moms Christmas Eve, his dad's for breakfast Christmas morning, then my parents house for dinner. We shouldn't have to trounce around for Thanksgiving too. So that's that.

I have a pretty severe head cold, that's put me out too. I also had to work today and yesterday. Oh and to top it off I 'chose' to be the chair for my daughters' school "Christmas Bazaar", did I tell you that? What was I thinking!! So all next week I'll be up at their school, supervising the selling and purchasing of cheap crappy items for the kids to get their family members. Who wouldn't want a thermal mug that says "#1 Dad!" Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!!!

Okay, well LP got the HDTV stuff hooked up today and he is yelling at me to go watch Law and Order in hi definition. Cuz I need to see Briscoe up close and personal.

One last thing...guess WHO is coming to my house next week too!!!!!!!!!!

Whistle while you work

Whew.

These past few days have just been exhausting. I don't remember birthing a child being more exhausting and stressful than having cabinets put into our kitchen. They don't give you drugs when you are enduring this cabinet birthing process that is for sure. They should.

The Cabinet Guy arrived early Monday morning to start the process, older looking gentleman, instantly reminded me of Michael Gross, the dad from Family Ties, because, well as mentioned before, I am stuck in the 80s. He starts talking, and immediately gets to work. No bs-ing around, I like it.

Well, I had to call a plumber and HE shows up, cute boy. Unfortunately he is here for a matter of about 5 minutes so that doesn't last long.

Then........the whistling commences.

I told the Cabinet Guy if he wanted to listen to some music, I could put some on during my breaks but that I am working during the day and need to listen pretty closely to the doctors on my headset. He tells me, "oh no, I work very hard, I don't take lunch even, music would distract me."

Okay, understood.

So I put my headphones on and from the kitchen I hear the Whistling. First song he starts in is "Tequila", so I am afraid he is going to jump on the counters and doing the Pee Wee Herman, but we HAVE no counters at this point so that didn't happen.

The phone rings. Did I mention I have my phone set to ring the 1812 Overture? I didn't? Well, yeah, it does. So Whistling Woody starts in with that tune for about 20 minutes.

I offer the music again, really, I can play some musi....."NO thanks."

Mmmkay.

This goes on all day Monday, yesterday and now today I accidentally left my cellphone in the kitchen, which ringtone is the Peanuts theme.

I am at work at the computer in the front room, and Whistling Woody is --NOT QUIETLY-- whistling his heart out. That Peanuts theme, he just can't it out of his head. He is putting in cabinets and rocking the Snoopy jam. Me, on the other hand, I'm trying to listen intently to the doctor on the other side of my headphones, dictating about a woman who has insisted she was pushed down by a ghost, all in a foreign accent. This, at the same time that WW has now come to that part in the song with the staccato piano...Da DA DA DADA....Da DA DADADA.... and I slowly lose my mind.

Today WW is gone, finally, after a long exhausting, tiring day. I'd like to say I will miss his whistling antics, but yeah, I won't.

BUT MY CABINETS ARE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back in a few

Can't talk...cabinets...going in this week...too much craziness going on...will resume in a few days....

Bad Development

People, I am pissed. One of my very favorite shows, "Arrested Development" has been CANCELLED!

Every time I find a show that completely entertains me like this did, it is gone.

The Simpsons has been the only one that truly has remained, and seriously, how much life does that have left? It is so ready to jump the shark, if it hasn't already. (just wait, this season there will be a cousin Oliver or something, or hell maybe even Ted Mcginley)

Arrested Development was Hee-larious. I love this show!

Strangers with Candy, again, one of my favorites. Gone.

Exit 57! The State!!!

Hell, "Police Squad" only had 6 episodes! SIX! Does anyone else remember it? Yeah, it was the series that led to the very popular Naked Gun movies. It was one of the only shows when I was a kid that I could not miss. That and the Muppet Show of course. (oh, and okay, I admit it, the love boat)

I'm done. This stinks. Just when I think TV has finally evolved, it gets canned again.

Sigh.

I wonder how much longer Reno 911 has left?

Vajana's Corner of Wisdom

When I was in college, I was convinced I would never have children. Never, never never. First of all, I thought it cost too much, and I thought the world was too violent, too cynical, too...awful to bring more humans into. I had decided I would just be the cool 'aunt' to all my friend's kids and take them to my lake where I had sea doos and jet skis and what have you, cuz, well, I didn't have KIDS so I could spend my money on such things.

I also thought kids just WHINED way too much. I used to work at a daycare, and I would see the fussing and the whining, and the sheer lack of discipline parents had on their kids, and decided that child rearing was not for me.

And Barney, he was a HUGE birth control pill. I hated Barney. That purple freakin' dinosaur was a mockery in the face of Big Bird.

Sleeping was also a big factor to consider. I Looooooooooooved to sleep. Some weekends I would wake up, eat dinner only to just go back to sleep. If I wanted to take a nap, I WOULD. With kids, yeah, that wasn't going to happen.

So I went on, firmly deciding that I would not have kids, and get my ph.D in whatever I wanted and travel the world and ladee dah.

Then I met LP.

And what happened? Well, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He was the One. This did not happen overnight mind you, it took a little while. But I knew. And, knowing that, I guess I figured I didn't have to be careful. But I shoulda. And I didn't. So the stick turned pink and all hell broke loose.

I was pregnant, and sick, and I couldn't tell anyone. He wanted to get married, I wasn't sure, I didn't know what to do. We weren't living together at the time, I was still living at home.

Then I had a miscarriage.

And it was THEN I realized, we loved each other. He was awesome and supportive of me throughout the entire ordeal. And it did not matter what happened, as long as we were together.

So guess what. I got pregnant. AGAIN. Two weeks later!!! On purpose. Everyone thought we were crazy, but they didn't even know I had been pregnant before. And do you know that NO ONE knows this story? No one but me, LP and now the internet. I never told anyone. I planned on telling Al, just because I want her to know she was loved from day one.

But I am really going off on a tangent here. My point is this...Kids completely and totally change your perspective on EVERYTHING. It makes you selfless. It teaches you how to treat others. It makes you realize that person you made fun of in 4th grade was someone's child and if that happened to YOUR kid you would THROTTLE someone. Kids teach you to lighten up. They teach you that you would absolutely trade a night's sleep for a night of snuggling with the smell of a newborn. That for all the whining, the sound of a 2-year-old singing makes up for it. Kids remind you that making funny noises and faces is still funny. They let you relive a little bit of your own childhood. They also make you respect other people's opinions than your own, cuz usually your kids have the exact OPPOSITE opinion that you have!!

When Al was around 18 months old, I was doing the dishes and "Sesame Street" was on. I was too busy to realize it was OVER, and the next show came on.

Yep. It was Barney. She was immediately hooked. She loved Barney.

Kids. Man, do they change your life.

They make it brighter.

(Thanks to Bug for totally inspiring this post)

However....

My good mojo apparently does not transcend the area in which I live:

St. Louis leads the nation in cases of gonorrhea, according to statistics released today by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The city ranked second in chlamydia and fifth in syphilis nationwide. St. Louis has long ranked high in cases of sexually transmitted diseases.

uh....yowza.

little luck

My husband has finally seen the light. All these years, I have told him, what goes around comes around.

Today he found out he is going to be getting a nice happy bonus for no reason (other than to say thanks for having to fire all of those people we made you fire) as well as a Best Buy gift card for working on a project.

I also got a call from the cabinet installers saying that they can start work THIS Monday instead of a week later. Woo hoo!

The planets are finally aligning in Vajana's favor, it's a good thing.

Won

Okay, before I start anything, you must read this: Pirates of Somalia Pirates. And I can't help myself but thinking that Jack Sparrow had something to do with this.

Now back to the regular boring old chapters of my life.

This weekend was so exhausting I ended up vegging out last night on the couch, watching "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" for the 10 billionth time, which I guess makes it close encounters of the 30 billionth kind? i don't know, but I was actually aware enough to realize, for the FIRST time, that when Richard Dreyfuss is boarding the mothership, the background music is "When you Wish Upon a Star" and if you are a true dorkus like me, you will remember how obsessed his character was with seeing Pinocchio earlier in the movie. And I am 32 years old and I just realized this. Talk about paying attention.

Does anyone care about that last paragraph? Oh well, I'm entertaining myself this morning.

Saturday night was our kid's school's annual auction fundraiser. LP and I put together a Power Point presentation of all the live auction items, so we have to go. There were a lot of cool things up for bid this year, including two Mexican trips, a cute black labrador puppy (who was there and I had to take away the paddle from LP cuz he wanted it so badly, but the cute little guy ended up going for $2500 to a surgeon so yeah that was a little out of our price range) and a signed David Eckstein bat, which the principal bought and donated back to school, which was very neat. We ended up WINNING the last item of the night, non-uniform days every Friday for the rest of the year for both of our girls. Yes, I know, it makes absolute sense that I pay a ginormous amount of $$ each month to send my kids to a private school to wear a uniform, and then I turn around and pay MORE $$ so they don't have to wear it! I'm CRAZY like that. Crazy.

We also had a soccer tournament this weekend, and Al ended up 1-1-1 which wasn't too bad, for our first tourney anyway. It was also my dad's birthday, and every year we have to go to this Wurstmarkt he ADORES. Like I told my friend who was completely stunned that I went, I loathe wurstmarkts, I love my dad. In case you don't know, southern Illinois is bountiful with the German heritage, and wurstmarkts are basically church dinners with German food, i.e. bratwurst, knockwurst, sauerkraut, green beans, and mashed taters. Real healthy. But my dad is 100% German and loves German food, so I go. And I eat later. My little mama picked out some what-appeared-to-be banana pudding from the dessert table, and when she tried it her face scrunched up. I took a spoon and tasted it, and seriously, it tasted like floor wax. My mother, She Who Makes Mountains out of Molehills, insisted on telling one of the poor 16-year-old servers who probably was being made to volunteer by her mother, that this pudding was AWFUL, and that her granddaughter should get another dessert. I told my mom that it was probably a disgruntled old lady who wasn't invited to the quilting bee and she must have laced the pudding with Windex. I don't know, we are all still living today so I think it's OK.

Okay so that was my weekend in a very big nutshell. I think I have the storytelling abilities of, well, of someone with no storytelling ability.

Mrtl has brought us the theme "Won" for Motif Monday, and since I just went on a little much about the wurstmarkt, I guess my winning the non-uniform days is motif enough. I can say that I am not a winner by nature. I have won on two occasions: once in 8th grade I won a beach ball at our school carnival. The other time was in 2001 when i wrote an essay about my best friend and we won a trip to Palm Beach. That was fun. I enter sweepstakes all the time though, and never win. I have just recently started Blingo, because with medical transcription I am searching medical terms regularly.

So with that, I have to get back to work. Enough slacking and boring everyone for the day!

spfriday DOWN UNDER

spfriday
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

So I'm a little late but at least I've done it. This week for SPF:

*Your doormat

*Favorite pair of socks

*Rugs

Now, I could have really gotten creative with this one, uh...ya know, 'down there' certainly has interesting connotations, but I decided to be PG today.

Plus do you remember I'm getting my kitchen remodeled? Yeah, you know why I haven't been talking about it? They SCREWED UP MY ORDER twice now. Today the gal called to tell me the one cabinet we were waiting on won't be delivered until NEXT Friday, and the installers can't install it until the 22nd (yes, that IS the week of Thanksgiving, thanks for that). I can't very well discuss a remodel that doesn't exist yet, so I will instead show pictures of things already finished in our house.

This weekend is the girls' school auction as well as a select soccer tournament so I probably won't show back up until Monday, so have a fantastic weekend.

doormat

doormat
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Enter the Vajana household and you are welcome! So there! And yes, it is from Target.

My favorite sox

sox
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

These socks are SO comfy and warm, and I think they are my favorite because they were a gift from someone that I didn't expect a gift from, and it was a really, nice surprise. And living in the Midwest your feet just have to be warm otherwise we get crabby.

bathroombefore

bathroombefore
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Instead of my rugs, I decided today would be the day I show you the before and after pictures of our bathroom. I made sure there wasn't any tampons in the after pictures though.

bathredo

bath1
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I did the color wash myself and it turned out great. I am so happy about how it all looks!

bathroom redo

bath2
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Oooh look at the ambiance in this picture. The candle is there for ambiance. Seriously. No really.

Memory

I grew up in a neighborhood of very tight knit families. There were a lot of kids, and almost as many old ladies living on the same block. There was an alley behind my house that I considered mine, because if someone was driving on it that we did not know, well something was going on because that never happened.

These were the days when my mom would push us out the door in the morning and not expect to see us until dinner that night.

We spent a lot of our time at the nearby school on the playground, or when it was really hot we would actually go and pop tar bubbles on the street (uh, gross.). We would go down to the creek and try to find treasure, and one time my brother even attempted to raft down in it in a rubber raft (unsuccessfully, the water was not even a foot deep).

We played pickle for HOURS on the street. We played Swinging Statues and Shadow tag. We played Ghost in the Graveyard.

If we went to someone else's house THEY got to make the rules. We had to abide by them.

If the back door was locked, that meant Mom was mopping the kitchen floor, go to the front! Some days we would just roll down the hill in the front on my house, for hours and hours. Other days we would watch my brother make videos of himself pretending to be Indiana Jones.

Breezy, sunny fall days remind me of these days.

I think I'll go ride my bike.

halloween

halloween
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Sugar high? What? Who, us???

No thanks, we've already got one.

Happy Halloween!!

IMG_0976
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Have a very safe, very fun and very happy Halloween everyone! I will be enjoying all the Halloween goodness this fine Monday.

Enjoy the rant found below, if you dare.

Hope everyone gets to steal some Reese's out of your kids' bags!!!

Open letter

IMG_0970
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Today my eldest daughter's rec soccer team secured 1st place in their league. They only lost one game this season, and worked very hard to make it to 1st.

This is our last year in rec however, because unfortunately, the parents, who I am sure are normally nice, compassionate people, turn in to friggin' TOTAL ALIEN SPAZMAZOIDS when they are at soccer games.

My daughter was able to shake it off though, she is out there cuz she loves soccer and reaps its rewards (see cupcake in picture). I love that kid.

But in her behalf, I'd like to write a letter to the parents of the other team we played today, and be done with it.

Dear parents:

I am very sorry for your loss today. I know, we are tough to beat. What can I say, the kids work hard. I know, from your standpoint, it seemed like we were cheating. 8-year-olds are very good at cheating, I guess? I especially enjoyed how you taught your children to 'trash talk'. My daughter found it very flattering when one of your players called her a 'stupid jerk' when she took the ball. Then, when your player knocked her down onto the ground and the ref called against your player, you, the concerned parent, yelled at the ref at what a horrible call it was and that MY daughter did it, well, that just shows class, my friend. And when my daughter was led off the field CRYING and you're still yelling, oh man, how can I not have the upmost respect for you?

I think you yelling at your girls to "PUSH THEM HARD!" also helps the girls truly learn the proper skills they need to play the game.

In conclusion, I want to thank you for instilling in your children the appropriate way to congratulate the winning team, by telling them 'bad game' when they go to shake hands. We have taught our kids to win without gloating, and not let trash talk rattle them, and always be a good sport, never to brag, not to use excessive force and maybe we are teaching them wrong.

But rest assured, that 1st place trophy on my daughter's shelf will remind her every day that no matter what, she played a good game.

Yours in good sportsmanship, Vajana

P.S. WE. KICKED. YOUR. ASS.

That time of week again!

spfriday
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Yes, you guessed it, SPF days is here. And again, I'm way too busy to take pics and actually download them so again I am using pics already on the computer. So AGAIN I am using my poetic license and very loosely playing. I'm loose, what can I tell ya.

Theme is Halloween!

*Your costumes
*Your frightful decorations
*Neighborhood decorations

I've got the costume one down, but instead of decorations, I decided to frighten the bejeebus out of ya and show the BEFORE pictures of my kitchen.

The jacklegs who are installing our cabinets broke one, then of course REORDERED THE WRONG ONE so it is delaying the whole process, and although I am really tired of having crap laying around in my kitchen and going out to dinner (yeah right) I know it will be done soon.

So if you dare...proceed!

diningbefore

diningbefore
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

A friend of mine convinced me to do this 'denim' look in this room. I hated it from the start, but did not have the heart to tell her, cuz she helped me paint it. I think I was living out one of her wishes, but whatever. This shit is GONE already, I painted it green last weekend. Just you wait for those after pics! They're gonna be so cool I'll be the talk of all the blogland. Or not.

kitchenredobefore

kitchenredobefore
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

ooooh isn't it scary? Dreadful? Yes, yes it is. This is my Romper Room kitchen. The only thing I like about this kitchen is that cute butt leaning over. And my Mr. Clean mop thingee.

costumes

costumes
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Here's what my kids are for Halloween. And yes, that is a friend of theirs with the scary blank face...hey I do not want to get in trouble for plastering a kid's face on the inn-r-net without permission ya know.

The Old One is a 'punk pirate' whatever the hell that is.

The Little Mama is of course Minnie Mouse. And she plays the part OH so well.

Don't call it a comeback

Looks like I'm going to have to add soap operas to my list of things to do starting December 2:

Dr. Noah Drake returns to General Hospital.

Now if David Beckham would jump on the reality bandwagon, I AM SET.

weenie roast

This past weekend we took the girls to a hayride/bonfire. It was thrown by the parents of one of the girls in A's 3rd grade class (note--I really need to get some cute nicknames for my kids don't I?). They are building a new house and have a lot of land.

the dad took all the kids on a hayride. We stayed by the fire. When they got back, it was time to go, as it was raining and cold and just yucky.

As soon as A came towards me, I could see something was wrong. As we got into the car, she said, "Mom, the girls were all talking about boy's privates and it made me uncomfortable."

I tried not to show it but in my head I was thinking, "WTF! In 3rd grade! Oh my holy cow we are already THERE? Yipes!" I told her when we got home and warm we could talk about it a little more in depth.

I asked her about it, and apparently one of the girls has a little brother, so it was more 'weiner' talk than anything, silly, making other people laugh kind of talk, not so much the anatomy and what it does, per se. I felt a little better about that anyway!

But it made her feel uncomfortable, and I'm not sure if I should jump for joy or be concerned that my daughter is uninformed about it all. I like to think we're pretty open about stuff, she is aware we have different plumbing, but it's just not something you go around talking about...I don't want her to feel uncomfortable all the time, I want her to feel confident!!

Hoo boy I am not ready to take this on just yet......

Motif Monday---Worst Date ever

Oh I am so on this motif. Good times, good times. MRTL has proven to have outdone herself this time.

I did not date a lot. I was one of those have a boyfriend for a year or two kind of girls, so I rarely went on a true 'date'. I also dated a guy (I use that term loosely as he was more a schmuck) for almost 4 years during highschool/college so that limited my prime dating years. After we broke up though, I had two dates that should have all but prevented me from dating ever again:

Date #1.

Hell I don't even remember his name. Let's call him Brian, cuz let's face it, 2 out of 3 guys are named Brian.

The first red flag here is that I met him at a bowling alley. Yeah, all class for me. My friend loves to bowl (I do not) and I would meet her after her leagues to play darts (cuz, ya know, darts are FAR classier than bowling). So this guy makes me an origami horse from his napkin which in some way impressed me, and I agreed to go on a date with him. Ol' Bri-Bri, who nobody else seems to know anything else about. Was I intrigued? Who knows. Probably horny, most likely.

He shows up at my house, I think, that part is vague. I can't see myself giving this guy my real address, maybe we met at the bowling alley. He stops off at the gas station to get GAS as I guess he forgot to do that before he picked me up. We went to the miniature golf course to play putt putt.

This is where it gets odd.

:: stealing tangent from mrtl...I am good at putt-putt. In my life, I am good at things that do not really count, like, useless trivia, tracing pictures, Playstation 2 games, putt-putt, and some other things I cannot mention here. But all these are useless. How many lives have ever been saved by knowing what Jan's pretend boyfriend's name was on the Brady Bunch? Yeah, none. ::end tangent:::

The first couple of holes I'm playing well, and we are jibing back and forth, all fun. Then around the 11th hole he realized I was going to beat him, and he went PSYCHO. Cursing, yelling, insisting I was cheating, freaking the hell out. He was NOT going to lose to a girl. (uh, hello? How old are we? Oh, in case I hadn't mentioned, this was right after I graduated COLLEGE) Well of course I won, but I didn't win the 'free game' at the end so that was all he had to hold on to.

As we got back in the car, I noticed then that he still had the pricetag on his shirt too. Did he steal it or just forget? Does it really matter at this point?

We've got more red flags flying here than a boat sinking, which was about what this date was feeling like. We got into the car, and maybe there was some carbon monoxide from the car fumes or something, because instead of me saying, "Okay you strange mutant weirdo take me home, I can at least catch SNL and not consider this evening a complete waste of time" I shut the car door, sealing my fate.

"I want to take you somewhere special."

WTF? Wasn't the maniacal putt-putt game special enough?
All I remember is that he pulled up in front of West End park, and shut the car off.
At first I was confused, befuddled, and then it hit me.

THIS MORON HAS TAKEN ME TO 'PARK'. To make out point. to kissy face central.

I have already mentioned I'm well over junior high age here, haven't I? So Bri-Bri must've known the window of opportunity was closing rather quickly, and he attacks me with full force, er, tongue, uh, jackhammer. (*insert Comic Book Guy here*) Worst. Kisser. Ever. I pushed him away, and told him to take me home NOW jerkwad. He does comply, thankfully, but as I am getting out of the car he says, "I hope we can do this again, I really feel we have a deep connection." Seriously. He said that. Dumbass.

date #2

This isn't so much of a date as it is a week's worth of strangeness. We have nicknamed this date Uncle Fester, for reasons given below.

It was Cinco de mayo weekend, I was home for the weekend from college and a bunch of friends and I met up at a Mexican restaurant to drink. So that's my excuse by the way, I was drunk when all this happened. There was no one else in the place but us, and the DJ, so we took control of what he played. All 80s music for us. He had some trivia games, and gave us free tickets to go see the Mighty Mighty Bosstones in concert (which ended up being fake...but thanks to someone knowing the bouncer they let us stay). We were drunk and heading to Denny's so we invited the DJ along, who, you guessed it, was Fester.

He asked me for a date the next night, and I agreed to it. He was harmless, seemed like a nice guy. And he loved music like I did, so that is a sure way to my heart. He took me out to dinner, and was very pleasant and nice. Afterwards, we took a nice drive out into the country. (why the hell didn't I see this coming?) He pulled the car over, and walked over, opened my door and led me outside. He turned up the radio and said, "I want to dance with you."

Now, this may seem romantic and whatever, but keep in mind this was our FIRST date. And we were on a dirty country road. And then, well, he played the song "Drive" by the Cars.

Have you ever heard that song? Not so romantic. Kinda weirded me out. And of course he proceeded to tell me we had a 'connection', that he could fall in love with me, etc. etc. On the first date! What the hell is it with this connection I seem to make with these guys? I certainly never felt it! Is this a new come on line I am not aware of? Is it code for "let's have sex"?

I left the next day to go back to school for finals, and I told him I'd be back in a few weeks and I'd call him, which I did. He was DJing at a bar, and he wanted me to meet him up there. I brought a friend of mine along, just in case. I walked into the bar, and couldn't find him, but then I realized he was the BALD, completely shaven guy behind the DJ booth.

There is certainly nothing wrong with being bald, or shaving your head. For most people I find it pretty attractive. But not when you look like Uncle Fester when you do it. This guy, totally did.

I ran to the bar, did a quick shot, and told my friend I could not handle a Fester lookalike. So we left. I felt really bad about leaving, but Fester needed a girl who could appreciate the Cars as much as he did. I was not that girl.

That pretty much ended my dating career, except for a few uneventful dates in between meeting the love of my life who is my husband. I got off (no pun intended) pretty easily compared to other dating tragedies I have heard about.

If you played, let me know, I'd love to hear other dating stories!!

Stuff Portrait Friday!

spfriday
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

So I'm participating this week but kind of half-heartedly. I do not have time nor the energy to download pics from my camera, so I had to use pictures already on my computer. Yeah it's cheating. Shoot the last pic doesn't even go with the theme. But, at least I played. That's all you get from me, half-assed participation. I'm a loser.

My husband is on the couch watching EVERY episode of Strangers with Candy, strung out on Vicodin and I have to paint the computer room walls by tomorrow as well as work. So I'm a titch busy. I also volunteered at A's school today so I'ze gotz ta GO!

Santa!

Santa!
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Tacky vacation picture:

How much tackier can you get with the 'hired' Santa Claus at Holiday World? This guy looks like he is ready to meet his buddies at the bar down the street. Hope they checked the pedophile records first before they hired him.

crumbling down

crumbling down
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Something my kids made...last year I got one of those gingerbread house kits. I tried quickly to take this pic before the walls completely fell off...needless to say I was not as successful as I'd like to have been. How bad of a mom am I if I let them eat the whole thing in one sitting? KICK ASS Mom, that's what I am.

Last of all

bathroombefore
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Yes, I realize this is not a picture of my brushes. This is our bathroom. Not anymore it ain't! This is my 'before' picture. I forgot to take one so the wallpaper is almost off, but you can see how awful it truly was.

And yes, I DID leave a box of tampons on the sink, just for you.

Found this little poll.

Who do you want to win the World Series?
Chicago White Sox 43 votes (62%)



Houston Astros 13 votes (19%)

Now that the Cards are out, I don't care 13 votes (19%)

How about you? Who should I root for??????

uh....DAMMIT!!

So how many more reasons do you need to prove to you that the apocalypse is at hand??

White Sox vs. Astros??

When I was in college, people told me I should be a Sox or Cubs fan cuz I'm from Illinois. WTF? And I notice now all those Cubs fans have overnight turned into Sox fans......oh well.

I'm just going to go shopping I guess.

Quandry

I am a Cardinals fan.

Win or lose, sucky or not, I am.

But I am also a very sensitive individual. Inevitably, when they show footage of the losing team's dugout at the World Series, I will cry every single time. I feel for them, those poor little boys who all their lives have dreamed about getting to the World Series only to lose it like a sorry sack of sore sobs they are. I cry for them.

For most of my life, Cardinals fans have been loyal, but respectful and if anything at least respected. We never cause riots. No nasty barbs. The Cardinals were never that ugly beast that torments other teams (well, except for the Cubs, but you know, I think they just use us as scapegoats). We've been jovial. We've been cordial. We've been...nice.

Hell we even handed over the World Series last year to the Red Sox!

But I see those days are changin'. Cardinals fans are done being nice. They want to WIN dammit.

If you are not wearing RED today in the Metro area of St. Louis, it's like walking a benefit walk without the Ribbon. "WHO WON'T WEAR ZEE RIBBON?" They're out of hand, people. These are Cardinal fans scorned, and it does not bode well. At my daughters' school today, they were allowed to wear Cardinals stuff (they usually wear uniforms) but if someone showed up with Astros or White Sox clothes they would be sent home. What is this, "1984"? Well if anything I'd give for it to be 1982, cuz then I'd know for sure the Cardinals will win.

As I mentioned, I'm a sucker for the underdogs, the other team. It was extremely hard for me to root against the Red Sox last year, just because I liked them. They definitely deserved it.

My grandpa was a HUGE White Sox fan. I won't be able to root against them.

The Houston Astros...always a kick ass team. I've always loved them. They deserve a World Series trip.

Argh the torment. Tonight will be a very tough one for me. I may have to slip one of my husband's Vicodin to take away the pain.

I am a Cardinals fan.

Win or lose, sucky or not.

I am.

Backwards, last but not least

sorry, I totally posted these in the wrong sequence. Go read two posts down. Back? Mmmkay.

The pictures I have seen that totally make me say "Wow" every morning when I check her blog is over at Wave of Modulation. The pictures she took recently at a wedding were amazing. You will not be disappointed.

I meant to do this Friday, I really did, but Cheryl reminded me when she commented I had not! So anyway, have a good Monday. If I am feeling really motivated I may go to mrtl's site and find out what Motif Monday is, but hey, let's not get crazy here. I'm not that motivated. Plus the guy is coming in 1/2 hour to check out the cabinets, hope he's cute!!

so happy together

so happy together
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I've shown this picture before, but I love it. The lighting sucks, and the camera was on the table on a timer. We were in NYC for our 30th birthdays and we went out for sushi. It was so great, and I was having a good hair day too.

girlies

blackandwhite
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I know it is Monday, and I totally was Debbie Downer this weekend, but I did want to share my pics for SPF, so better late than never. The theme was:

* favorite pic of yourself

*favorite pic you took

*favorite pic someone else took.

This picture I took of my daughters when they were baptized. I have to remind myself to use black and white film more often; the pictures turn out so beautiful.

Jana say....'eh'

I haven't posted in awhile, not b/c I have nothing to say--just because I have a lot on my mind and have been thinking about foregoing the whole blog thing altogether. Things have gotten way out of hand in my head (not Danny Bonaduce out of hand mind you...that man really needs some help) and I am trying to sort it out.

I started this blog to merely keep track of things, what happened in my life, and also things that have made me happy, esp. with my girls. And I think for the most part I do. Sometimes though I need an outlet to vent, to express my sadness or anger at something, and i don't feel especially able to do that on this blog. Maybe cuz I usually like to keep it light, I don't like to be bogged down by emotionalblotional stuff.

I can tell you one thing...when Vajana is bummed out she gets shit done. Last night I popped on my iPod and primed and painted the dining room and kitchen. There is no stopping me when I have a sour mood and Peter Gabriel.

So, I may or may not pop up this week. I've had one of those just-punch-me-in-the-gut-why-don't-cha moments this week and it is going to take me some time to recover. But I will of course! It's me! I will prevail. Me and Peter that is.

Things of note though...we got our cabinets and our fridge and the guy is coming out Monday to do the final inventory if all the cabinets, so if all goes well they should be in by the end of next week! that is exciting news indeed. I guess I will have to post before/after pics, as I promised.

Oh and LP is completely down and out...he threw his back and is on the couch, Vicodin and Prednisone searing through his veins...he is funny when he's loopy!!

So here is to everyone and hope that things are treating all of you well. Take care of you.


P.S. To the old hag at the pumpkin patch--I really think that since I 'wasted' my gas to get to your damn place you could have 'wasted gas' on only a few very eager and excited girls to take us on a damn hayride. Or geez you coulda at least opened up the pony rides. But hey, that's alright cuz we left your place and got 4 pumpkins for the price of 2 at the roadside pumpkin stand down the street! So plfffphhhphfphfphfh.

one fell off and bumped his head

nomoremonkeys
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Target is my sanctuary. Target is where I go when the clouds are grey, when things look hopeless and when I am down in the dumps. Target is my ray of light. Even if I just need cat litter or trash bags, I will go to Target before Wal-mart just BECAUSE. The atmosphere is great. I. Love. Target.

SO why did my husband point these out to me while we were at Target yesterday???

Go crazy folks.

I'm just sayin'.

Cardinals are freakin' fantastic.

Depot is de place

Sorry but I did not participate in SPF yesterday. Too busy. We are waist deep into these home improvement stuff and there is no stopping now. LP is at Home Depot as we speak. I was there this morning, picking out colors for the dining room and front room. No time for the blog! And it is a shame ain't it.

I had time yesterday to gander at ol' Dooce, who was the one that got me started in the first place. I've read her blog since pre-Leta, and she has always been entertaining. Her writing is absolutely amazing and she deserves all the positive energy she can get. It is a sorry shame that some people went and ruined it and she had to turn comments off. She is a neat person.

Well after that tangent I am going to sign off for the weekend. I've got a lot to do; mainly cleaning out the garage. At least we're having gorgeous fall weather--no clouds, just crisp breezes and falling leaves. I live for this time of year.

Our fridge should come in Tuesday, our new couches (yeah we bought those last night, not in the budget but guess what who cares! And I love to say 'microfiber' over and over again) come wednesday and Friday our cabinets make their grand entrance. So we've got a lot of cleaning, priming, moving, destroying and trips to the ol' Home Depot in store for us.

And did I mention Game 3 is on tonight for the Cardinals?? Yeah, it is at 10 o'clock because they will never get the respect they deserve and get a good time slot, but that's OK I'll be up watching! Go Cards!!!

P.S. Color names for the paint I have picked out: Campground, Brown Rabbit and Burning Umber. Wait until you see the results!

Hookie

dayatbusch
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Yesterday LP and I played hookie from work and went to see the first playoff game of the Cardinals against the San Diego Padres. It was a beautiful day and totally worth it.

We got free tickets from one of his buddies, so that made it even sweeter.

Guess who was in line ordering food when Reggie Sanders hit a 4-run homer? Yeah, it was me. But that's okay. You can't go to a baseball game without having a bratwurst.

They ended up winning 8-5 and this may be the last time I get to see a game in the old stadium...they are demolishing it at the end of the season this year.

Busch

usatbusch
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Cost of tickets: free

Two sodas, two brats: $14.00

Spending the day at the ballpark with LP and NO kids: priceless!

New stadium

jananewstadium
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Here I am in front of the new stadium they are building to replace our old but nothing-really-wrong-with-it Busch Stadium. My dad insists the new stadium is 'geared towards the richies' but it still looks like it will be very nice. And they know I'll pay the money to go see my Cards.

Motif Monday--Personal Theme Song

this weekend was pretty interesting...I shall not go into too much detail but it boiled down to eating a lot of chili, lots of trips to Home Depot, smelling fresh paint, cleaning up hairballs and my mother-in-law getting really drunk and telling me family secrets I did not need to know. Oh and watching the Saturday Night Live season premiere, which was pretty damn funny.

Ms. Mrtl has given us an assignment to discover and name our own personal theme song. I tried the old-fashioned way to get the song, by going to take a test.

The computer asked me if I liked birds. What the hell does this have to do with my theme song? And I cannot imagine existing and NOT liking birds. That would be a tough way to go as BIRDS are friggin' everywhere. It is like asking if I like dirt. WTF?

Anyway. The answer it gave me is actually a song I like, "Groove is in the Heart" by Dee-Lite. It was unfortunately overplayed to death and still is on some 80s stations, but overall has a great beat and I can dance to it. I do not however, feel it is my personal THEME song. "I couldn't ask for another"...another what? No, that can't be my theme if I don't even really get it.

So I am going to choose another theme song for myself. Here goes.

I don't think my theme song should be a song that is just my favorite song, but it should be more of a song that has lyrics that describe more or less my attitude about things. However, it should be a song that I would play over and over again. With that in mind, I think the Simple Minds song "Don't you Forget about me" should be my theme song. And honestly I do not know how I came up with that decision. But I'm going with it.


Won't you come see about me?
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love's strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on
Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me
Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognise me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, heyOhhhh.....

Don't you try to pretend
It's my feeling we'll win in the end
I won't harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security

Don't you forget about me
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
When you walk away

Maybe it has something to do with relating to the kids on the "Breakfast Club" movie as this is the theme song. I don't know. I can't figure it all out today.

TGIF!

spfriday
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

It is Friday again and with that comes my favorite game, Stuff portrait Fridays.

This week Kristine's stepson has given us the themes:

*Something misplaced in your house

*something broken you kept

* food in your house you do not eat

It was tough this week but I pulled through, just for you.

misplaced

misplaced
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

This theme was easy, cuz we're remodeling the house so EVERYTHING is not where it should be. I could take a picture of the couch in the garage but then you'd have to see how out of sorts my garage is.

Since we got the new couch, our coffee table does not go with it so it's sitting in the corner, along with my cool lighthouse pic that has no home right now since we are painting the walls this weekend (see paint?). And yes, another gratuitous shot of my cat, this time it's Archie. He's our schizo cat.

geetar

geetar
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Something broken: if something is broken in our house it will almost immediately be replaced with something new. I can't stand having things clutter the house, so I chuck it.

I took a picture of this guitar because LP always wanted one, and then he got one, and well, let's just say there are only so many times you can hear "Wish you were here" before you give up I guess.

maltoblech

maltoblech
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

LP's aunt visits about twice a month, and every time she does she brings a BAG O' SCHTUFF. It always includes food, and last time she brought this. I do not know why I have yet to get rid of it, but my kids don't even like the idea of it. It hasn't been opened.

For viewing enjoyment

IMG_0825
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

This really has nothing to do with SPF, but it is the end of the month and I wanted to utilize my flickr account to its fullest, so here is 3/4 of my little family. The girls made LP a cake for his birthday.

Notice my RomperRoom kitchen in the background...I will take better before pictures, but this certainly gives you an idea of the nauseating colors that I am forced to dine with.

I've been tagged!!!

Mrtl has tagged me for a most funtabulous little game. Here are the instructions:

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

February 15, 2005:

I said to him, "Where the f*$@% were you when we had these spastic animals we call children?"


Yeah, I guess I'm real nice to my husband aren't I.

I tag:

paintergirl, Jbo, Pissy, Cat, and Kelli if they're up to it!!

Birthday bliss

iloverick
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

This was one of the best birthdays ever!! And we didn't even really go anywhere. I worked all day and then ate McD's for dinner, and toted the kids to soccer practice. But the gifts! The gifts were right up my alley. LP did very well this year with my gifts...as you can see here, he found the Rick Springfield greatest hits CD I wanted!! What more could a girl want?

cards

cards
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

It's not the best boob shot but they ARE there, I promise you. Wow, Rick Springfield AND a boob shot in one post, that's pretty amazing.

LP got me this 1982 world series Cardinals jersey!! I was so thrilled. This also made him comment that I was living in the past, you know, what with the Cards not winning a series since 1982 (seriously though, there was NO way they could have won last year, I mean, that would have just been EVIL and we're not like some other teams...*coughyankeescough*) and then the cancelled TV show I love and, well I won't even TELL you what he said about Rick, it isn't appropriate.

flatpoint high

IMG_0846
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

LP also knows I love the cancelled show "Strangers with Candy" so he bought me season 3. I watched an episode tonight, and Mr. Chuck Noblet is what I am naming my next child. Okay, not really.

Oh and this is also a gratuitous shot of my cat Aurora. I figured Jerri Blank should always share a pic with a little pussy.

Eximent.

alexroom
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Oh and as one last pic for the day, I found this note on my oldest daughter's room this weekend. At first I thought it said "where the experiment is" but then I realized she was all about the excitement. She was just too excited to spell it right.

I'm just not sure about this sign. It better not be prophetic of her teen years that's all I've got to say.

army of one

This is my full-page ad in Variety for Hoss who is so awesome and is in my Army, thanks Hoss for your unwavering support of Vajanaland. I am in your debt forever and will certainly help out in any way with you making Your Pile.

Hoss kicks ass.

My new favorite song

Courtesy of Tracy Chapman:

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of god and love,
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?

Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses?
How much regret?

What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

I'd drape myself in velvet if it was socially acceptable

OooooooOOooohh what a day. Good day!

1. LP let me sleep in! SLEEP IN!!! Then of course Riley comes up and say, "Mommy! Time to get up! Why aren't you up?" at 8:00 a.m. So much for the sleep in.

2. LP fixed the computer situation! Our computers were in a big tangled mess of wires and such all week and he made it all nice n' pretty. He does so love me.

3. Two soccer game wins!! Both of my girls scored goals today (riley had a hat trick!) which is not real common as Alex usually plays midfield and Riley, well, she usually misses the goal. So that was great, although I didn't get to see Riley's game cuz I had to sell some Girl Scout cookies with Alex. (I did tell you I was a soccer mom extraordinaire, didn't i?)

4. My friend Sarah called me and set up a dinner date. Dinner dates with adults kick ass. If you do not have children, disregard; you just keep living your cute little single life and call me in a few years, then you'll understand.

5. LP and I got to watch "Friday" together. Granted it was edited, but crap that is funny. Macaroni!

6. I made some red velvet cupcakes!! In my household, when it is your birthday, it is not just one day, whatever weekend is near it is officially deemed Your Birthday Weekend. So it is mine, and by golly every year I make myself some red velvet cupcakes. And I eat them. All of them.

7. Each day on Your Birthday Weekend you get presents. I got some special little things today from Victoria's Secret. They're real and they are fabulous.

8. I went on a bike ride with my daughter Riley. Bike rides are on my list of the best things in life. And if you'd like we can sing Hall and Oates together and say that your kiss is also on said list as well.

9. I drank NO caffeine today so sleeping tonight might very well be a possibility.

10. Okay so this wasn't today but it was last night---we ordered our fridge and our microwave and our cabinets for our new kitchen that should be done by Halloween!!!

Yay it is great to be in Vajanaland to-DAY. Mmm.

spfriday
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

SPD stuff portrait Friday

Stuff Portrait Friday
Hello everybody! Well I am finally able to participate this week, albeit I am cheating a little bit. Kristine is busy buying new furniture and getting all domestic on us so our topic this week is:

*your cell phone
*your camera
*something you bought but didn't meet your expectations or something like that.

My insomnia has kicked me in the ass full throttle this week and I am running low on steam. Ergo I'm cranky. We go to Home Depot tonight to pay for all this business and hopefully, hopefully, we will have our cabinets in our kitchen by Halloween. I'm extremely excited.Have a great weekend everyone, and if you can give me ideas for some top 5 lists to share, let me know, my insomniac brain is empty.

My camera

canoncamera
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

This is the one I got for Mother's Day. It works well, takes good pictures, but if you recall I had the "18" error that rendered it useless. Now that I am a working gal though, I'm saving my pennies up for that BAMF D70. Someday it shall be mine!

jak2

jak2
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I'm not a total gamer geek but my daughter and I do like to play Playstation together. We bought Jak and Daxter several years ago and were addicted. So we were thrilled when Jak 2 was arriving. I bought it, and lo and behold Jak is throwing around "asshole" and "pissed off" etc. etc. Plus it was too hard for my kid to do, so we were very, very sad. The only thing that has come close is this game "Destroy all Humans" which is great cuz you can pretend you're extracting the brains from people you dislike (not that I would do that...georgew...or anything...). Good healthy times.

My cellphone

show_motorola_v220
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I love my cellphone. I still have the "Peanuts" theme on it, haven't found anything else I like. I do wish I had the ability to get the incoming ring changed, if so of course it would be Rick Springfield. Or maybe, the Muppet Show theme song. "This...is what we call the Muppet SHoooooooow" There, I've freaked out Cat enough this week so she will have more Muppet flashbacks.

no buns in this oven!

LP really, really wants another kid. It is a fight that has been going since the day after my youngest was born. That was almost 6 years ago. Who knows, maybe he will win the fight. But not yet. Anyway, I remember how it felt and I still have mixed feelings about it...I loved having a baby doing somersaults in my abdomen, but on other days I felt like just sitting around eating ice cream.

The only time my husband came close to getting shot was the day he told me, "You know, if you exercise more during pregnancy, labor will be quicker!"

Yeah, he almost lost a specific body part on that one.

So today since I could not come up with my own top 5, is this jewel list I found over at TopFive. Enjoy! Oh and by the way, my youngest was also born 4 days before the Rams won the Superbowl in 2000. I cut it close, I know. But he showed up, I was happy!

The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
"Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
"Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"
"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
"Got milk?"
"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."


TopFive's Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant Wife...
"You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardass."

from the dead

I really want to show you the brand new cups I got from the Italianfest but I am using our old computer to type. Do not ask me why, LP is the computer whiz in this coupling, not me. All I know is I've got my 'work' computer and my "google" computer and that is all I need to know! So, no cup pics for now, I will try to work my magic by tomorrow though.

The weekend was a blur of drinking and soccer games, unfortnately not at the same time. Out of 5 games, my kids are 2-2-1. Not too bad. those soccer parents are psychotic though, I think I've mentioned that. Some lady had a friggin' COWBELL and whenever they scored she rang it. Oh and yes, she had a soccer umbrella too, how did you know? Crazies!

Here is a shocker: I COOKED DINNER last night. This does not happen often. But now I'm back at home so I feel obligated to do it. I made bacon cheeseburger meatloaf, it was deelish. I hated meatloaf as a kid, but buy this is some good stuff.

The guys came to do a final measure for our kitchen and he was supposed to call yesterday but he did not. I am beginning to wonder if this whole kitchen remodel is a figment of my imagination, it just does not seem like it is ever going to come to fruition. Is that too many "tions" in one sentence? Great now I have that song in my head "T-I-O-N tion tion tion tion" Does anyone else remember that or just me?

Hmm. I reread this and I've realized this caffeine has absolutely kicked in. You know I'm not supposed to drink caffeine! What was I thinking? Why didn't you stop me??

My daughters have been entertaining me with totally not getting song lyrics correct. Here is a sample:

R singing: "Let the rain fall down and bake my beans, let it wash away my celery"
Right lyrics: Let the rain fall down, and wake my dreams let it wash away my sanity"

R singing: "What a girl wants what a girl needs, why don't you take me back to the 70s"
Right lyrics: "What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes me happy sets you free"

Hee hee she cracks me up. Also my other daughter was telling me about this dream where she was in "Oprah" and how the audience was clapping and I said, "What? You were on Oprah?" And she said, "Yeah, I was singing Oprah, like the lady does with the hat with the horns on her head." I laughed, "Oh, you mean, you were singing OPERA."

I've got a cultured bunch of kids don't I??

That is all for now, have a great Tuesday!

Saturday night's alright

I need a strategy. What do you do when you are friends with a couple that fight in public? This weekend, some friends of ours got into it with each other and LP had gone to get a beer, so it was just me standing there with the two of them. Normally I would try to be witty, okay well actually LP would be witty most of the time and cool the tension a little bit...but this one caught me off guard cuz she was PISSED at him and I was not about to take sides. So I just stood there. Did nothing. Whistled, made absolutely sure there was no lint on my shirt.

So, tell me, what is the proper etiquette when friends are fighting and you are not involved? i need help here people!! I'm pretty positive there will be another fight like this in the future!!!

Reach out, reach out and touch someone

This has been a very, very trying week. I was supposed to start working from home MONDAY but now it is being delayed until next WEEK which really sucks monkey ass but that is alright, I will tough it out. The one hour commute also sucks monkey ass but again, the music is great. I got busted by one of my friends belting out "Kentucky Woman" on the road. How can I deny Neil though? And then of course I have the Foo Fighters CD in there that is my new crack.

In order for this work from home thing to work, I am required to have two new phone lines. About a week ago, LP called the phone company to come out to put them in, which occurred without incident.

Immediately afterward, our phone stopped ringing. My mother, who needs to be in constant contact with me, called my cell phone and said she had called our house several times. No ringing.

THEN it just started ringing and ringing at odd moments during the day (yeah like two o'clock in the morning) and when we'd pick it up there was just a dial tone. That's fun to do several times in the night when you're attempting to go to sleep (and does wonders for my insomnia)!

In addition, like an idiot I programmed our phone to play the 1812 Overture so whenever it rings, I feel like Russians are going to come in and ransack the place.

LP called the phone company again, wanting someone to come and look at it and telling them to call him at work since he cannot get any calls AT HOME.

And they called him at home.

That night, he decided to forward all the calls coming to the house to his cell phone. That worked, and we went out to dinner and didn't miss any calls. LP was happy, I was happy. My mom was happy, and I think she was the only one that even called.

The next day, the phone company called LP AGAIN at home but since his calls were forwarded to his cell, he got the call that they were coming at 2.

Around 2:30, LP gets this message on his cell phone, from Todd the phone guy, or Sherlock as we shall now call him: "Uh, yeah, Mr. LP, we visited your house today and found the problem. Apparently all your calls are being forwarded to a different phone. But I fixed it."

!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, we are in lots and lots of trouble.

incredible

incredible
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Yeah, I've got nothing today, so I just thought I'd give you a picture of us at DisneyWorld to start off the week.

Have a great one everybody!

wtf?

I woke up this morning to read some blogs and realized I could not even read my OWN. The thing was entirely blank. Has this been happening? WTF??

Sweetest Taboo

Today was my last day of training. I think it has gone really well, even though I've been completely inundated with more medical terms than my little blonde brain can handle. I will start working from home on Monday.

Now let me tell you about my day yesterday.

On this blog, there are a few things I have chosen NOT to talk about or have yet to talk about. These things include:

1. My boobs
2. My sex life
3. Poop

I recognize that there are several blogs out there that LIKE to talk about these things, and that is totally fantabulouso. I just don't. It is not that I am uptight. Or because certain uncles make fun of me (I'll plead the 5th on that one). It is because:

1. My boobs are pretty much unremarkable, unless we're counting stretch marks,
2. My sex life needs no alteration and is incredible so why boast?
3. Poop is just one of those things that does not get along with me, and since I have the exact OPPOSITE problem with poop that Dooce does, well, it is not as 'cute' to talk about.

But as my husband likes to say, bones and rules are meant for breakin'. So in this post, I will talk about ALL THREE. For you, my readers. The two or three that have stuck it out, at least, during the Training Years.

Okay, so I wake up yesterday fresh as a daisy, ready to seize the day. I have been taking my husband's car, a Civic, instead of our minivan cuz, well DUH I'm driving farther away and it's pretty ignorant of me to drive a van that seats 7 an hour away when gas is over $3.00/gallon. So I'm STOKED cuz the girls and I are out of the house BEFORE the 7:35 mark, the 7:35 mark that says, "guess what? You're gonna have to get those shoes a runnin cuz the bell is about to ring". But today, we were ON TIME. Woo hoo for us.

I grab my water bottle, and I turn the key in the ignition.

And right then is usually when the car starts and we drive away.

Yeah, IT DIDN'T.

Dead. Batt'ry. As. A. Doornail.

I'm calling all the neighbors I can think of and okay, it's 7:30 so they are STILL IN BED. My neighbor across the street says she can get my kids to school, but none of us have jumper cables (least I'm not the only one who was passing notes in driver's ed...) so I had to call LP and he drove home from work.

I must give props to Alex though, every single day she is freaking out about being late for school, "Are we late? Are we late?" and the ONE time we are late for school, she's all, "Feh, no big deal."
Thank GOD there was no freaking out or hyperventilating, I don't think I could have handled it.

I stand in my driveway waiting for LP, thinking, "iwillnotfreakiwillnotfreakiwillnotfreak" cuz you know, I keep thinking how badly this will look, my first couple of weeks at my job and I call, "Yeah, I'm going to be an hour late, s'okay?" and they are probably thinking, "what the hell kind of flake did we just hire???" See, this is my way of thinking. I know, Stuart Smalley would call it stinkin' thinkin. Ah, but I digress.

I finally make it to work, and fortunately they were very cool about it. Another plus for me.

Now here is the thing. How do people go all day long in a small office without pooping? I am sorry, but I CANNOT be the one who has caused that bomb to go off in the office. And I don't care how cute you are, or how little your poops are, PEOPLE KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE POOPED. And I can't handle that. And, as I mentioned before, my gastrointestinal insides have never, never ever agreed with me and this causes further strife for yours truly.

Well I had held it in and it was time to leave and I had to GO. BAD. I was meeting some people at 4 but I knew there was no way I was going to make it so I stopped at a gas station to use their bathroom.

Do you see the 3 things wrong with that sentence? "Gas" "Station" "Bathroom". What was I thinking????

I was thinking, my intestines are going to blow if they are not released soon.

It was locked.

I got the key from the attendant.

And....NO toilet paper. And NO paper towels.

I sob. So I have to go to at the place I was meeting my friends and do my 'delivery' and of course when you walk out of a bathroom that smells like cinnamon spice, everyone knows what you just did.

I go home, and by this time I was just ready to call it a day, but I saw LP and wanted some loving, so we crawled into bed, ready to cuddle and....

yeah I fell asleep.

BUT WAIT! It gets better. I fall asleep, and then about 30 minutes later I wake up, and CANNOT FALL BACK ASLEEP. I stayed up watching "twilight Zone" until 1 a.m.

See, this is why I do not speak of these things. Nothing good can come from it.

Oh and the boobs? Yeah, I realized around 3 o'clock my shirt was open to where you could totally see my right boob the whole day.

We will now return to Vajana's Wide World that Does not Include Boobies, Sex or Poop. I think it is just better off that way.

Squirrly

Here is a very blog-friendly way to help out with the Katrina victims...Amanda, one of my regular blog stops, has been directly affected by the hurricane whore. So her friend ScottyG has created some T-shirts to sell and is selling the proceeds to her and her family, squirrels included. I am already awaiting my squirrly shirt, go get yourself one too!!!!!

SPD Friday--no theme, but at least I participated this week!!! Damn!

SPD has eluded me for the last few weeks as I've been up to my ears in kindergarten-ness, work-ness and sick-ness. So even though I have laundry to do, clothes to iron and lunches to pack, I KNOW MY PRIORITIES. And it's all for you. SPD--Stuff Portrait Friday is usually brought to us by Kristine, but since she is partying it up with fellow bloggers, Pissy Britches and RSG, well, she's AWOL and more power to her. So Renee has helped us out with the assigment for the week....

1. Your trunk. I could've taken a picture of my ass, but the computer adds 30 pounds.

2. Your favorite alcoholic drink. Or was it just drink? I dunno, I was drunk when i read it.

3. Your dishes. Oh god I just heard a bunch of stuff falling in the other room, I guess I'd better go. Enjoy!!

dishes

dishes
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

My dishes. LP likes to say, "We don't have any fine china, it's more like Bangledesh." When we got married it was, uh, how you say, a SHOTGUN wedding, ergo instead of a bridal shower we had a BABY shower. Thus, no registry, no fancy gifts, nada. So we got these fine dishes one year at Pennys on sale. And I like them. As for the cups, well, in this fine city I live in, the locals here have a tradition called the "Italianfest" where they block off Main street and it is wall to wall DRINKING. Each year you get your beers in these nice cups. They last about a year, so as you can see, the next Italianfest is on the 17th cuz it's time for some new cups!!! And believe you me, I will have no problem at all spending my hard earned money so we can have more cups. See, it's my JOB to make sure we have decent things to drink out of. My duty. And if it means I have to drink beer to get said cups, well, I guess I will just have to do it.

what I drink

riesling
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

I'm not a sophisticated lady. I do not ask for much. I'm what you call super duper-way-lower-than-a-furniture-stores-low-prices-LOW maintenance. A friend of ours gave us this riesling once for a party and I've been hooked on it ever since. Yes i get it from Sam's. Yes I get wasted on it. Yes I drink the whole bottle. No there will be no pictorial evidence of that occurring. Not this week anyway. That's not the assigment.

trunk

trunk
Originally uploaded by Vajana.

Well this is it. The life of a soccer mom. Chairs to sit at the games, blankets for the grass or to stay warm, water bottles. Move on to the next picture, this is making me look like a total LOSAH.